Teenagers stealing food

Oldernotwiser

ceridwen wrote: »

No. I disagree.

Stealing is what it is - or isnt (regardless of the view of one couple only). It is an objective fact - not a subjective opinion.

If parents tell their children specifically not to take something and the children disobey, then it isn't unreasonable to consider it stealing, even if the word is rather extreme.

Where do you draw the line - teenagers taking cigarettes, alcohol, clothes, jewellery, money?

ceridwen

I've read ALL the "important" threads posted by Raksha.

Hence why I wonder if Raksha is not viewing this as objectively as other people might.

Having read these other threads and seen about the problems Raksha and her husband have personally (ie nothing to do with their children) - then I feel sorry for the children and have been wondering if the child that was being enquired about for a DNA test is the one that is being deemed a "problem" now??? (dont know - this DNA-tested child could be another person entirely - outside the family......??).

MrsE_2

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

When my partner and I visit my parents we always ask if we can have something first just as we did when we lived there and what I did when I was growing up. It shows manners to be honest. It's not a formal act; it is respectful. I can't imagine not asking to be honest it seems really disrespectful and I know what I am going to put next will most likely be controversial but I think to take food without permission shows lack of 'class'. I was talking about this with my partner last night and he agrees that it is something that shows a lack of manners and all that goes with that.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
No dear, it shows you are really at home:cool:

MrsE_2

poet123 wrote: »

I think it all depnds on what the item is. In our house all food is communal. However, if there is meat or chicken in the fridge and the kids are making their own Dinner then they would ask if I had any plans for xyz rather than just make a meal for themselves for it.

With regard to fruit and biscuits and other snack items they are there for anyone and everyone who lives here. It is the norm and accepted practice for us, just as it was when I was growing up.

I don't think it is a class indicator, nor does it show a lack of respect, more a sign of familiarity and being comfortable within a family unit. None of us would do this outside our own home, nor would I expect a visitor to help themselves.

To use the word stealing within the context of a family unit and with regard to food horrifies me actually.

I suspect it is a reaction to underlying financial worries.

As always you put it do darn well:T:T:T

Raksha

Blimey, it feels like i'm being stalked now...

Yes, there is way too much going on here than simple stealing. No, the child who is doing the stealing is not the one about whom there is a queries over his Father - he is 100% defiantly my partners, as is his brother.

I know what my biggest problem is - it's my OH who comes up with random, irrational punishments out of thin air and expects me to enforce them, and who answers for me when #2 son asks me for food between meals - what do I do? Argue with him infront of the boys and say yes he can have it, or go behind his back so they get it and divide the two of us?

monkeyfish9272

I wasnt gloating at all we struggled for years with debt and have now turned a corner even when we were at our lowest we could afford nice thing for the children everyone i know gets a budgeting loan during xmas unfortunatly i cant get this anymore.I work part time at 4 oclock in the morning and even get up through the night to feed the baby i dont get to bed till after 12 so dont think i dont struggle.we get child support,working tax credits housing benefit and council benefit we struggle everyweek to pay bills,the £20 a week we spend on goodies is a treat for all of us really.we get £140 a week and £50 goes on electricity and gas our shopping a week comes to £60 around £40 we spend on meals we work out what we our having during the week and budget for it.any spare money goes into jar towards xmas.my wages pay our bills.so we are not well off we struggle week in week out.Our children arnt spoilt brats we treat them once a year to all the things they could ever want.we dont go on days out or holidays,we spend days playing in the park we go on picnics all things we can do for free.I was laughing at calling her children thieves when all they were doing was eating what was in the cupboard.my children say please and thankyou and hold doors open for strangers and even ask the old neighbours if they need shopping.I f people wanted to buy there children something nice for christmas i am just saying they could,they just need to get off there backsides and work hard for what they want,anything is possible if you want to do it

monkeyfish9272

Did your son get told not to take the food and still eat it or did he take it and then get told off.If a teenager is hungry and there is no rule for the food then he will have a nibble.I agree that there should be a cupboard for food that cant be eaten and one where you can help yourself.ignore me sorry i am a moaner today.haha

ceridwen

Raksha wrote: »

Blimey, it feels like i'm being stalked now...

Yes, there is way too much going on here than simple stealing. No, the child who is doing the stealing is not the one about whom there is a queries over his Father - he is 100% defiantly my partners, as is his brother.

I know what my biggest problem is - it's my OH who comes up with random, irrational punishments out of thin air and expects me to enforce them, and who answers for me when #2 son asks me for food between meals - what do I do? Argue with him infront of the boys and say yes he can have it, or go behind his back so they get it and divide the two of us?

Actually - in the circumstances - my personal view would be that I must indeed argue for rational thinking/logical action. That would be the case even if it meant arguing against OH in front of the children.

If OH is the one that is being irrational - then OH is the one that suffers in my book (not the children).

LilacLouisa

ceridwen wrote: »

I presume Bitter and Twisted doesnt mean that O.P. should literally "tan the hide" of her children:eek:. But one really really should NOT make a "tongue in cheek" comment like that to someone - because of the slight risk that they might take you literally and proceed to undertake violent action (in this case - against their own children).

I am sure you are right, but it alarms me when people post replies that would appear to advocate violence. I would hope that we had moved past the point when beating children was accepted, likewise cruelty to animals and any of those more weak and frail amongst us, those who cannot defend themselves or appeal for help.

Leading lives of quiet despair doesn't cover it IMO

Doom_and_Gloom

monkeyfish9272 - You can't be struggeling too much if you are saving £1,000 for each of your children for Christmas! That is a saving of nearly £40 a week for just two children (£2,000/52=£38.46). Ontop of that you spend £20 on treat food a week? You don't struggle at all as at least 2/5ths of the £140 you get a week goes on things that are luxuries by what you have said. Fine you prioritise things differently that much is obvious, but don't try to make out that you struggle when you can spend that kind of money on your children for Christmas as it's an insult to people who really do struggle to do so.