Teenagers stealing food

monkeyfish9272

Sorry before i go hear is another thing that annoys me. I hate it when married couples have seperate money...what the hell!! so its ok to let you husband or wife struggle with money.my neighbour was telling me that she only had £3 left for the week so her husband borrowed her £100 why!!!! another couple i know go on seperate holidays dispite having 3 children...the children never get to go on these holidays and the wife is borrowing money off her husband to pay bills because she is in a lower paid job..

RANT OVER AGAIN SORRY

jackieglasgow

Rashka, I haven't joined in before now as I think you've had every possible opinion under the sun here. I think Frankie a few posts up the page may have hit the nail on the head, or near it. Is there a chance that the son doing the taking is feeling that his position in the family is being largely ignored, and this small act of defiance, is his way of "evening up the balance" in his favour, and also getting a bit more attention from his parents, even if its the wrong kind? I think using the word stealing is rather strong, and is undermining any chance you have of sorting it out with him, as he likely feels he is taking what's "due" him, whils his brother is getting what he possibly sees as extra attention.

I think if telling him no hasn't worked, then you need to sit him down with the balabnce sheet and show him why this isn't acceptable, and maybe teach him a few things he could make himself, easily and without affecting your grocery spends too much. It might also be a good opportunity for him to get some one on one positive attention from you, which might be all he really needs to resolve this?

pebbles88

monkeyfish9272 wrote: »

I wasnt gloating at all we struggled for years with debt and have now turned a corner even when we were at our lowest we could afford nice thing for the children everyone i know gets a budgeting loan during xmas unfortunatly i cant get this anymore.I work part time at 4 oclock in the morning and even get up through the night to feed the baby i dont get to bed till after 12 so dont think i dont struggle.we get child support,working tax credits housing benefit and council benefit we struggle everyweek to pay bills,the £20 a week we spend on goodies is a treat for all of us really.we get £140 a week and £50 goes on electricity and gas our shopping a week comes to £60 around £40 we spend on meals we work out what we our having during the week and budget for it.any spare money goes into jar towards xmas.my wages pay our bills.so we are not well off we struggle week in week out.Our children arnt spoilt brats we treat them once a year to all the things they could ever want.we dont go on days out or holidays,we spend days playing in the park we go on picnics all things we can do for free.I was laughing at calling her children thieves when all they were doing was eating what was in the cupboard.my children say please and thankyou and hold doors open for strangers and even ask the old neighbours if they need shopping.I f people wanted to buy there children something nice for christmas i am just saying they could,they just need to get off there backsides and work hard for what they want,anything is possible if you want to do it

unfortunately your first post came across as nothing like this at all.

if i am wrong about you then please accept my apologies, but i still stand by what i put in my reply to your first post. it really really came across quite harsh and flippant. i know its hard to get the tone of posts sometimes, and im will have done this myself lots i know.

ceridwen

jackieglasgow wrote: »

Rashka, I haven't joined in before now as I think you've had every possible opinion under the sun here. I think Frankie a few posts up the page may have hit the nail on the head, or near it. Is there a chance that the son doing the taking is feeling that his position in the family is being largely ignored, and this small act of defiance, is his way of "evening up the balance" in his favour, and also getting a bit more attention from his parents, even if its the wrong kind? I think using the word stealing is rather strong, and is undermining any chance you have of sorting it out with him, as he likely feels he is taking what's "due" him, whils his brother is getting what he possibly sees as extra attention.

I think if telling him no hasn't worked, then you need to sit him down with the balabnce sheet and show him why this isn't acceptable, and maybe teach him a few things he could make himself, easily and without affecting your grocery spends too much. It might also be a good opportunity for him to get some one on one positive attention from you, which might be all he really needs to resolve this?

Valid points - and the first items that come to mind for foodmaking could be-
scones
pancakes
toasted sandwiches

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

My opinion would be that the problem isn't so much the boys, but the bullying, domineering husband. There are issues with food, with violence - not just the son responding to bullies, but his father smashing things up (I'm not so much a stalker, but one who has cared enough to read and remember some of your earlier posts) and sabotaging any hope of a healthy relationship between you and the boys.

Raksha, you have been abused in the past - is it not likely that you have identified with and been drawn to another abuser here?


If someone said to you now that you had to make a choice, and the choice would determine forever whether your boys repeat all the behaviours and attitudes they see and experience indoors with their wives and children, or not - which would you choose?

seven-day-weekend

monkeyfish9272 wrote: »

haha people on here make me laugh.stealing food..ive always thought that things that are bought to be eaten are and can be eaten anytime...our children are always looking for things to eat and although they do ask i wouldnt flip and call them a thief if they ate something they shouldnt.People are very tightfisted on here i buy £20 of goodies every week to put in the cupboard that the children and ourselves to snack on ive even seen people saying they have budgets of £20 for christmas and the parents buy them underwear and a few sweets and 1 toy for christmas.We have always bought our children alot at christmas and we spoil them rotten its the one day they can be spoilt i would spend in excess of £1000 per child and before people start saying they cant afford christmas.well i only work part time and i am on benefits.I save what i can and sell things on ebay especially for this time of year.sorry for the rant

And the problem is?

We once gave our son an IOU for Christmas, when he was 12, as we knew the thing he wanted would be cheaper in the January sales.:)

monkeyfish9272

as i said i sell items on ebay to raise money for xmas too..the luxuries i buy are crisps,biscuits,juices. i also buy childens packed lunches which are £20 a week and new clothes vests,underwear, cleaning utensills .i didnt say all the money gets put in the xmas jar alot of the people that struggle on here dont have a job i bet if they made an effort they could get one.i am a cleaner,alot of people wouldnt do my job, cleaning up sick and mess made in toilets but i do it to pay the bills .i wear clothes with holes in. I see big issue sellers in the city centre sporting the newest trainers i even seen one with an iphone the other day. I have debt collectors knocking on the door.people get themselves in debt then expect people to help them out...it doesnt work like that.I borrow off family every week

thorsoak

monkeyfish9272 wrote: »

as i said i sell items on ebay to raise money for xmas too..the luxuries i buy are crisps,biscuits,juices. i also buy childens packed lunches which are £20 a week and new clothes vests,underwear, cleaning utensills .i didnt say all the money gets put in the xmas jar alot of the people that struggle on here dont have a job i bet if they made an effort they could get one.i am a cleaner,alot of people wouldnt do my job, cleaning up sick and mess made in toilets but i do it to pay the bills .i wear clothes with holes in. I see big issue sellers in the city centre sporting the newest trainers i even seen one with an iphone the other day. I have debt collectors knocking on the door.people get themselves in debt then expect people to help them out...it doesnt work like that.I borrow off family every week

...and you claim IS benefit as well? So does this mean that we finance your family's Christmas????????

ceridwen

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

My opinion would be that the problem isn't so much the boys, but the bullying, domineering husband. There are issues with food, with violence - not just the son responding to bullies, but his father smashing things up (I'm not so much a stalker, but one who has cared enough to read and remember some of your earlier posts) and sabotaging any hope of a healthy relationship between you and the boys.

Raksha, you have been abused in the past - is it not likely that you have identified with and been drawn to another abuser here?


If someone said to you now that you had to make a choice, and the choice would determine forever whether your boys repeat all the behaviours and attitudes they see and experience indoors with their wives and children, or not - which would you choose?

One of the most sensible posts on this thread methinks:T

So - from this - maybe the whole concept of having "stolen" this food is down to OH and not Raksha herself and she is using this word - but doesnt really feel that way herself (but has taken on this mans viewpoints).

kathy206

I wouldn't dream of going to my parents house and just helping myself to food or drink without asking first if it was ok-I'm 38. My boys have been brought up to ask permission before they raid the fridge/fruit bowl. It's just good manners. They and DH also know that when I do buy treats once they are all gone, I won't buy more until the next week. As an aside,MIL used to have to "hide" her "treats" such as blocks of cheese, Tomato ketchup (BIL used to drink it out the bottle:eek:) squash and biscuits as DH and his 4 siblings were like a plague of locusts through the house.
I think lots of posters have been very harsh on the OP. Some very good suggestions among other posts. I would echo those who have said have a "treat box" and keep the fruit bowl well stocked, but everything else (ie baking stuff,ingredients for dinner) is out of bounds. IMO it's not a bad thing for the OP to expect her sons to ask before taking food, rather than him just eating aimlessly through the day.