Teenagers stealing food

nads

Raksha wrote: »

Don't worry about me - he's not a violent man these days, but he does have a rant and a rave - never raised a finger to me or the boys - but when he gets annoyed/frustrated we get long 'family meetings' where he tells us how it's going to be in future (I used to write this all in a notebook - the 'family bible' - until it started to backfire on him when we pointed out things that he'd said he would do and he didn't) I hate these meetings, as they always end in even more frayed tempers.

Infact he called one tonight - so he could make a list of things everyone wanted for christmas - the oldest said he'd been promised some beer, which OH immediatly denied - cue another family row :(:question:

My heart sank as I read this Raksha. Life is too short.

I have no experience or wisdom in this area so I won't say anymore.

abby1234519

Jaxb wrote: »

Yes of course because ALL teenagers do as they are TOLD don't they? Maybe if she ASKED them not to take instead!

Your arguing over semantics. I used "told" when she may well have asked.

No teenagers don't alwaysdo what they are told but they learn to eventually.

ceridwen

Raksha wrote: »

Don't worry about me - he's not a violent man these days, but he does have a rant and a rave - never raised a finger to me or the boys - but when he gets annoyed/frustrated we get long 'family meetings' where he tells us how it's going to be in future (I used to write this all in a notebook - the 'family bible' - until it started to backfire on him when we pointed out things that he'd said he would do and he didn't) I hate these meetings, as they always end in even more frayed tempers.

Infact he called one tonight - so he could make a list of things everyone wanted for christmas - the oldest said he'd been promised some beer, which OH immediatly denied - cue another family row :(:question:

So what century did he emerge from? He seems to see himself as some sort of "head of the family"/my word is law and you are all my chattels. This is neither the country nor the century for him to act like that - particularly given his own frailties. (Must admit I personally would add "you act supportive towards us and like a loving, modern father - or else you can face the world on your own buster and see whether they like the Real You. You're expecting me to put up with "the other you" and I have - though I dont like it - so you can come good on acting like a normal modern man in other ways. Thats the deal. Take it or leave it."). You may not want to talk as strongly to this man as I would personally in your position - but heck he does need to acknowledge that its fair enough for him to "pay a price of good behaviour" for the fact that you are "paying a price" of putting up with his crossdressing (which you are - because you dont like it).

Time he was told "Look Mr - this is Britain and this is the 21st century. This family runs as a democracy. Get used to it."

You owe it to your children to stand up to this man. Could be he's so harsh with them because he suspects that they are perfectly conventional standard men and is jealous of them for not having the "other him" that he lives with. Well - that simply isnt fair.

On a very immediate level - have you ever read a definition of the things involved in being a battered wife? They dont just include physical violence.... I think it would be worth looking on the Web for a definition of all the other types of violence a controlling man can wreak on a wife and see if any of it resonates with you.

Fang_3

Raksha wrote: »

Don't worry about me - he's not a violent man these days, but he does have a rant and a rave - never raised a finger to me or the boys - but when he gets annoyed/frustrated we get long 'family meetings' where he tells us how it's going to be in future (I used to write this all in a notebook - the 'family bible' - until it started to backfire on him when we pointed out things that he'd said he would do and he didn't) I hate these meetings, as they always end in even more frayed tempers.

Infact he called one tonight - so he could make a list of things everyone wanted for christmas - the oldest said he'd been promised some beer, which OH immediatly denied - cue another family row :(:question:

As I thought - control freak.

Fang_3

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

"Must be fun living in OPs house :cool:"

Yes, every time the poor woman thinks about baking some lovely treat for the whole family some little blighter has snatched the ingredients after being told more than once not to.

Raksha I'd tan his bloody hide for him!

Oh I'm sure the violent father will do that. Which is obviously working so well for this family. Poor bloody kids.:(

Caroline73_2

Raksha wrote: »

Blimey, it feels like i'm being stalked now...

Yes, there is way too much going on here than simple stealing. No, the child who is doing the stealing is not the one about whom there is a queries over his Father - he is 100% defiantly my partners, as is his brother.

I know what my biggest problem is - it's my OH who comes up with random, irrational punishments out of thin air and expects me to enforce them, and who answers for me when #2 son asks me for food between meals - what do I do? Argue with him infront of the boys and say yes he can have it, or go behind his back so they get it and divide the two of us?

ceridwen wrote: »

Actually - in the circumstances - my personal view would be that I must indeed argue for rational thinking/logical action. That would be the case even if it meant arguing against OH in front of the children.

If OH is the one that is being irrational - then OH is the one that suffers in my book (not the children).

Raksha wrote: »

Don't worry about me - he's not a violent man these days, but he does have a rant and a rave - never raised a finger to me or the boys - but when he gets annoyed/frustrated we get long 'family meetings' where he tells us how it's going to be in future (I used to write this all in a notebook - the 'family bible' - until it started to backfire on him when we pointed out things that he'd said he would do and he didn't) I hate these meetings, as they always end in even more frayed tempers.

Infact he called one tonight - so he could make a list of things everyone wanted for christmas - the oldest said he'd been promised some beer, which OH immediatly denied - cue another family row :(:question:

Ceridwen speaks so much sense. Maybe you should stick up for your boys rather than enforcing ridiculous punish set by your husband just to appease him. Has it occured to you that the food taking could be attention seeking from your boys?

You say your husband has never been violent to your boys but who's to say it won't happen? especially as he has a violent past. I hope you have a plan then.

LilacLouisa

What started as a seeminly simple problem, kids taking food that had been bought to make biscuits, now has reached greater and more serious proportions.

Raksha, is your husband usually at work during the week, and will he be at home for the Christmas holidays? Christmas, or any holiday where people are together for longer than usual, seems to be a flashpoint for some relationships.

This may not occur for you and your family, but maybe think of somewhere you and the boys could go to be safe, try to keep some cash in your purse and maybe a few clothes ready packed in a holdall.

Hopefully none of these will be needed, but always have plan B and even plan C ready, at least you won't trapped in an unhappy scenario unless you want to be.

DVardysShadow

LilacLouisa wrote: »

What started as a seeminly simple problem, kids taking food that had been bought to make biscuits, now has reached greater and more serious proportions.

Not quite. The problem has been of epic proportions for a while. All that has happened is that what was originally described as simple "food stealing" has been found to be the tip of an iceberg. There is nothing particularly indicating that the issues are growing legs.

And some credit to Raksha herself, who does seem to be holding things together in difficult circumstances - coming here to seek advice as required.

LilacLouisa wrote: »

Raksha, is your husband usually at work during the week, and will he be at home for the Christmas holidays? Christmas, or any holiday where people are together for longer than usual, seems to be a flashpoint for some relationships.

This may not occur for you and your family, but maybe think of somewhere you and the boys could go to be safe, try to keep some cash in your purse and maybe a few clothes ready packed in a holdall.

Hopefully none of these will be needed, but always have plan B and even plan C ready, at least you won't trapped in an unhappy scenario unless you want to be.

It may well appear that things are coming to a head, but that is an illusion brought about by the development of this thread. Although family problems often do flare up at Christmas, I wouldn't assume that it will for Raksha on the basis of this thread.

lostinrates

DVardysShadow wrote: »

And some credit to Raksha herself, who does seem to be holding things together in difficult circumstances - coming here to seek advice as required.

I agree.

I've changed opinions on reading the thread how I feel/think about emotive language and free access to food etc.

It seems to me that with at least two family members having weight they want to lose that food is an issue (whatever other issues there are in the home). If she were allowing overweight children to eat unlimited amounts of food/snacks....regardless of cost and healthy or otherwise, this would not help the weight thing (nuts though healthy are not low fat) and not I'm quite shocked someone asking for help is getting such a hard time.

Rashka, regardless of any other issue, which I think is too complex and obscure to guess at in any meaningful/helpful way here I wonder if slimfast etc is the best way forward here, especially if food taking is an ''issue'' even if another family member: its potentially another sort of unhealthy relationship with food. Inappropriate/over consumption of healthy food is also unhealthy eating.

Planing cheaper, healthier and weight loss friendly family meals would be a better nutritional and financial solution to the weightloss and eating and financial difficulty I think. It might also help to have other snack solutions if the delicious sounding cookies are raided. would your cookie mix freeze? if on the day of buying the ingredients you make the dough, roll into a sausage and freeze you can saw off cookies and defrost/bake quickly,but not quickly enough to be a thoughtless snack for the boys.

I don't have children, but do have DH and my dad who graze a bit. I have a ''snack cupboard'' which is considered fair game for them. Its a mixture of stuff they don't have to think about preparing. In addition, on the evenings we are hanging about the house crudite with a low fat yoghurt based dip is a big hit here (though increasingly expensive raw veg is probably cheaper than macademia nuts. ) Food in the other cupboards/freezer is ''meal/baking'' food and its accepted is probably planned for or relied on so noone snacks on that. Other things to consider for snacks for them might be thing like instant miso soup (quite cool and ''foody'' but low cal) or marigold for the same purpose, yoghurt...you could get them making their own, fruit.

minerva_windsong

I'm ashamed to admit I did this when I was a teenager - things like stealing a spoon of golden syrup out of the jar, but only when my parents were out and only from the open jar (ie, when I knew I couldn't be caught). I think it was a combination of it being forbidden and being nice as my parents had a 'no unhealthy snacks' attitude and nothing like that was ever kept in the house, so it was toast, fruit or raiding the baking cupboards. I should however point out that now I ask whenever we have anything like that!

Convenience might be the other issue - why would you spend ten minutes making toast when you can grab a handful of cranberries? - so if you're really bothered about it I'd hide it somewhere you wouldn't suspect because chances are he won't bother searching for it. My dad's favourite hiding place for chocolate when I was younger was the music room as it was a place where you'd never suspect the stuff to be kept.

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He's selling them

Not that, but something similar would have been my guess - how are his friendships? I'm wondering if he's using this as a way to endear himself to other people by giving them food, granted it sounds like a mad idea but it's a possibility. Or, alternatively, he's using it to feel accepted - does he take packed lunch? Do his school friends do things like sneaking off to the corner shop or bringing in chocolate for breaks/lunch? I'm just wondering if he's doing it to fit in somehow...

mrcow wrote: »

Buy it pre-grated. Or grate it into a bag once you get it home.

He won't be able to snaffle it so easily then

I dunno, the true cheese fiend would be eating it from the bag in handfuls...