Teenagers stealing food

MrsE_2

sh1305 wrote: »

I do too. I wouldn't dream of going to someones' house and just helping myself, either. When I used to see a friend, he would ask if I wanted anything. (but said that due to my diet requirements, he may not have anything I can have)

But these lads aren't in someones house, they are in their own home.

AmberDextrose

WOW...! I was just having a last skim through the new posts before hanging up my MS stocking til the New Year and I came across this thread. The OP caught my eye, being a subject close to my heart.
I've never seen a thread become so emotional and opinionated so quickly.
I'm usually more into saving my Bank Balance than saving Relationships, but I felt I had to offer my tuppence worth I split up with my kids (2g 1b) father several years ago and was a single parent for a long time. Money was tight, patience short, stress and depression on special offer. When my kids started to get to 12/13 , went through the same experience as OP. Lots of stuff was going AWOL, not just food....clothes, make-up, toiletries....daft stuff like sellotape and cigarette lighters. Got to a point where it didn't matter how much trust or respect or shouting, it all just seemed to be spiralling out of control. Got to a point where it seemed like even their friends/ my freinds...even relatives were doing it too. It was a nightmare and I ended up in counselling.
Never been big on science or all that psychology stuff - but after a lot of honest talking and brutal honesty, realised that what it's really about - what it's ALL really about, is loss of control or just not being recognised or respected as the Authority Figure in your own home or your own life anymore.
The sciencey bit is this - we all need to feel like we are in control of what immediately happens to us....and our lives....and our stuff. When we feel like wey're not, we lose it. We start doing this as soon as we leave the womb and just get bigger and better at it as we grow older.
Teenagers will always take the pee and grab big handfulls of whatever's free.
"what are you gonna do" has been around for the last dozen generations or so. When I was a teenage girl, my Mum obsessed with me taking her fags and eyeliner. Her Mum obsessed with her taking her front door key and the roof over her head for granted....and so on.
In the messed up world we live in, we have so many battle grounds - drugs, violence, sex, alcohol, smoking ect. But like talking about the weather....we always end up back at the same socially acceptable reasons. Food, Health, Obesity, Domastic Violence.

I'm guessing here, but when you get down to the bottom line. OP could have been complaining about her Son leaving all the lights/ TV/ PC on all the time or having the heating up full with all the doors and windows open. Many others who have posted on this thread have hinted at similar things. The bottom line - feeling that loss of authority in your life - your not in charge anymore.
From my own experience, it wasn't about Quality Street tins or padlocked cupboards....the only space that was truly mine was my car and my locker at work. Now my kids have grown up some (eldest left home for good and other 2 staying with Grandma/ Grandad)....Hubby and Me are enjoying our very first Christmas - Together, doing what we want (except He's crashed out with Xmas Cheer now lol). BTW - Hubby split from first wife cos she was only to happy to let thier 2 kids rule the roost - money no object, give them what they want. He ended up with a small corner of his garage and a shed that wetre all he could call His.
I've really gone on a bit there. That will be the perno and the baileys. All I am saying is this. You don't need padlocked cupboards or special tins or little notes. YOU are always the authority in your life. It doesn't matter if they are your kids, somebody elses kids or your Mum and Dad....Your the Boss and there is nothing at all wrong with that.
So be charitable -all of the posters who have said - my ex this and my ex that, try to remember that maybe they ended up feeling like they only had control over the TV remote or when they went to the toilet.
To all the posters who have said that they feel that they are in a similar place....remember whoes Boss and that theres nothing wrong with that...your paying for all of it and what you want matters more than any of it!
AND....if your still in that place where the only privacy you have is to lock yourself in your car or sit in the corner of your kitchen with a glass of something cheap....don't worry, things move on. With a bit of back bone and patience, you get your life and your love back. (Hubby now snoring - so love out the window until tomorow morning)
Sorry for waffling on - a bit drunk. Merry Christmas and a Thrifty Money Saving New Year to All x

coolcait

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

People never used to graze and there never used to be an obesity epidemic; I think that the two things go together.

People used to talk about "little and often", which equates to "graze". It has been suggested that this is a good way to 'boost the metabolism' and a good way to lose weight.

Nowadays, portion sizes tend to be huge. So people tend to eat lots, and less often.

There is also a tendency to eat more of the unhealthy stuff, and less of the healthy stuff.

I think that those eating styles contribute to the 'obesity epidemic'. Though we also have to take into account the fact that our lives are generally much more sedentary too, and that lack of exercise will also have an effect on how obese we are these days.

As for Raksha, I have read enough of her posts to have formed the view that her relationship with her husband is actually at the root of all the messages she posts about the 'problems' she has with her children.

I hadn't - until this thread - read enough of her posts to realise just how many 'dysfunctional family' alarm bells she has hit along the way.

And, on a moneysaving note, if you are struggling financially, why buy macadamia nuts to make cookies? Twinks' recipe for homemade hobnobs will fulfil the cookie cravings perfectly - you may never buy cookies from a shop again!

If you're worried about weight, why eat cookies (even homemade)?

Raksha

It's not really surprising we are ringing the dysfunctional family bells - but how do we stop this?

Humphrey10

Stop your husband shouting and ranting, and stop him calling you all in to meetings to give you all your orders. Living in a hostile environment like that must be very upsetting for children, no wonder they are comfort eating.

ceridwen

Humphrey10 wrote: »

Stop your husband shouting and ranting, and stop him calling you all in to meetings to give you all your orders. Living in a hostile environment like that must be very upsetting for children, no wonder they are comfort eating.

Well - I thought I was "blunt" - errr....I am:o

....but I know I have wondered whether the childrens' "issues" would be resolved if the parents' "issues" had been resolved first.

I'm afraid I can't see any way to get round that personally...it does seem to be one of those "chicken and egg" situations. Sorree....

pebbles88

Raksha, i hope this comes out how i mean it! im a bit fuzzy headed today(nothing like partying im afraid, but down to some new pain meds before anyone is cheeky:D:cool:


if your DH won't entertaiin the thought of counselling/therapy/mediation, then there is nothing whatsoever stopping you from going ahead on your own.

You may find once you start to show any benefit from it, dh may come around. if not, then at least you are looking after yourself and your children.

i had some counselling recently, and was quite shocked at what came up. i feel much more in control of my own life now, and am happier, well still some way to go , but certainly better than i was.

if he has issues with you going, im afraid as you mentioned before about him not liking you standing up for yourself, then it may be he does have control/anger issues to look at. i dont know him, you do. but sometimes those issues can quickly spiral out of control. sometimes, another impartial opinion or view on things can really make you look at things differently.

forgive me for asking, but you have admitted your family is dysfunctional, if you could fix the problems, or take them away, is there still enough between you and DH to try and work things out? Do you still love him? if you were to split, how do you think your children would handle it?

none of this is me saying what you should do, but it worths thinking about what YOU want too. I really hope you get this sorted. you dont deserve for each day to be so hard. if you do want to look at some counselling, your GP should be able to help, although there may be a long waiting list. or you could look at www.bacp.co.uk obviously that way there will be a charge.

wishing you all the best.

tara747

monkeyfish9272 wrote: »

as i said i sell items on ebay to raise money for xmas too..the luxuries i buy are crisps,biscuits,juices. i also buy childens packed lunches which are £20 a week and new clothes vests,underwear, cleaning utensills .i didnt say all the money gets put in the xmas jar alot of the people that struggle on here dont have a job i bet if they made an effort they could get one.i am a cleaner,alot of people wouldnt do my job, cleaning up sick and mess made in toilets but i do it to pay the bills .i wear clothes with holes in. I see big issue sellers in the city centre sporting the newest trainers i even seen one with an iphone the other day. I have debt collectors knocking on the door.people get themselves in debt then expect people to help them out...it doesnt work like that.I borrow off family every week

£20 a week on biscuits, crisps and juices... you must all be obese!

Sorry to be so blunt but please stop moaning about wearing clothes with holes in and not being able to afford things, you have choices to make and if you prefer to spend £20 a week filling yourself and your family full of junk then that's your choice (shame for your children though).

p.s. what relevance do Big Issue sellers have to this topic??