Teenagers stealing food

Oldernotwiser

Thinking about this thread has made me realise that these differences of family approach are nothing new.

I've remembered, at the age of 10 (so many years ago), visiting a friend's house where she took me to the larder, opened the biscuit tin and invited me to help myself. She seemed really puzzled when I asked whether we'd get into trouble and I was obviously equally puzzled that she was allowed to do this.

Shows how little changes, really.

seven-day-weekend

What is wrong with the boy ASKING if he may have something? He is not eating the 'normal' family food, he is eating food bought in specially. His mother should not have to hide it. She should be able to say 'don't eat this, it is for baking' and it should be left alone. I'm sure if he was really hungry he would not be refused food. IMO, he should not just be able to help himself to special, expensive food. He should ask first.

podperson

Wow, some strong opinions on this thread!

Raksha I think maybe you have two different issues here. If your teenage son is snacking all the time because he is genuinely hungry (and obviously they often are constantly at that age) then look at giving him things he is allowed to have - eg fruit, cereal, own brand crisps, value nuts, and if he wants anything else then he needs to make sure it's ok with you first.

The second issue seems to be inconsistency in how he is dealt with. If he is asking for something he seems to be getting different answers from you and OH which is confusing for him. Also if he asks and is told a definitive no but goes ahead anyway then he doesn't seem to be getting a proper punishment for it but just threats of rather extreme things that he knows aren't going to be carried through. I think it's really great that you are standing up to OH more, I haven't read your other posts so am not going to comment on any issues you may be having with each other but feel it is really important for you to be on same page with what happens to him if he does take something he has been told not to. If he receives a more suitable punishment, eg he has to pay for the food from his pocket money, he has to do extra chores, he can't go out to see his friends etc. and this is followed through every time then he will quickly realise that he can't carry on doing it. At the moment he is going to as there don't seem to be any real consequences for him.
Sounds like you are having a stressful time at the moment so hope things look up for you soon and you have a lovely Christmas x

MrsE_2

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

well i know my kids are aged 5 and under but they are taught to ask for food as i feel that is good manners, they know i wont say no unless there is a good reason such as its too close to a meal time etc, it has made me think about what will happen when they older though

dizzybuff wrote: »

My son is 3 and always asks for food , he will be brought up that you need to ask before you take , or have something that is plentyfull toast or cerials or fruit. I was brought up this way mum always made sure i knew what I could have . Plus if she bought anything ditfferent I would ask her what it was for so I knew I couldnt take it.

Its not the children stealing food its lack of discipline and respect for the parents.

My DD as a young child asked for food.

But we are not talking about children here, we are talking about teenage boys, one of whom I think is already a young man.

By the time my DD was in secondary I trusted her not to eat just before dinner & to manage her hunger herself.

ceridwen

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

People never used to graze and there never used to be an obesity epidemic; I think that the two things go together.

On the other hand:
- people never used to eat so much junk food
- people used to lead a lot more physically active a lifestyle (less car travel, more manual labour, housework being harder than it is these days)
- people drink a lot more alcohol these days

Somehow - I think the above three factors are MUCH more likely to be the cause of the huge rise in obesity. I very much doubt "grazing" is a factor. In fact knowing that one can have a bit more food in between meals if hungry is more likely to mean less food "shovelled down" at mealtimes (whether one is really hungry for it or no) - but shovelled down anyway as a precautionary measure to ensure one definitely isnt hungry before the next meal = with that probably a lower calorie intake overall. I know thats how it works with me and I expect the same is true for many other people - ie there was a time when dinner meant 2 courses to me - but now I just have my main course and wait to see if I feel hungry for something else later. More often than not I don't...(just because I know I will "allow" myself to have some more food if I really do want it later..).

dizzybuff

Consitancy is always the key I agree with many posters. My Mum was a single parent , but my husband and I will always be consistant , this also goes for our childcare. We work as a team as not to confuse the child. Because of this lack of consitancy the teenagers and young adults have no idea what they can and cant do. For god sake OP put your foot down.

poet123

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But does that preclude manners and asking "mum, is it ok if I have a bowl of cereal, I'm starving?"?

I dont think that equates to manners, they would always ask if they wanted to cook any meat or chicken which was in the fridge in case it was earmarked for a family meal.

However, such staples as cereal, biscuits, etc, are not rationed and so no permission is needed. Of course this is only applicable in our home not elsewhere.

MrsE_2

poet123 wrote: »

I dont think that equates to manners, they would always ask if they wanted to cook any meat or chicken which was in the fridge in case it was earmarked for a family meal.

However, such staples as cereal, biscuits, etc, are not rationed and so no permission is needed. Of course this is only applicable in our home not elsewhere.

God yes, I wouldn't have expected my DD to ask for food in anyone else's home unless we were related:D.

I think children brought up to feel as at home as the householder will use their common sense & know whats "dinner stuff" & whats extras.

Oldernotwiser

poet123 wrote: »

I dont think that equates to manners, they would always ask if they wanted to cook any meat or chicken which was in the fridge in case it was earmarked for a family meal.

However, such staples as cereal, biscuits, etc, are not rationed and so no permission is needed. Of course this is only applicable in our home not elsewhere.

Now, I see biscuits as treats rather than staples, which is another difference. I would also be quite cross if there was no cereal left for someone's breakfast because someone else had finished it as a snack the night before.

HariboJunkie

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Now, I see biscuits as treats rather than staples, which is another difference. I would also be quite cross if there was no cereal left for someone's breakfast because someone else had finished it as a snack the night before.

I have to say that I agree with this. I am really quite shocked that so many posters are shocked that some children do not have free reign on anything to eat in the house.
My children are nine year olds but I know that I was brought up as a teenager not to just help myself without asking. If my girls want something to eat they start a sentence that begins with "please may I?" and I know of no friends or familes' homes where this is not the case.
When I was older than they are now (ie, a teenager) I knew what I was allowed to expect as an afternoon snack and was allowed to help myself to that. But we were not a family of snackers.
My children are more inclined to snack, and I allow for that but I also care about their calorie intake versus their calorie output. In my view the obesity epidemic has alot to do with more food being consumed and a more sedentary lifestyle so I don't think snacking all day is a great idea. I value our family's meal times and don't want appetites' spoiled and, wait for it.... I do not allow my children unlimited access to fruit :eek:... I value their dental health too much .
So I disagree with the posters who assert that it is the child's home too and they should have what they want. Of course my children feel at home and they are involved with the "ownership" of food from the shopping to the meal planning to the cooking of it. It's very much a family affair and all I think that my asking them to ask before taking does is ensure that I further establish in them the concept of manners and also keep an eye on their health.

We are all different though and clearly my view is an unpoular one on this thread but that doesn't mean either one is actually wrong.
As for it being a symptom of something else wrong in the Op's family, it's not my place to say, but I wish her luck in dealing with her issues.