Teenagers stealing food

Tish_P

Slimfast and other very extremely low calorie diets are an unhealthy way to lose weight at any age but especially for a growing teenager. Put bluntly, it sounds like there is a messed-up attitude to food, control, and controlling food in the house in general.

Raksha, well done for doing your best in this situation and I hope you get these issues sorted out.

LilacLouisa

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Not quite. The problem has been of epic proportions for a while. All that has happened is that what was originally described as simple "food stealing" has been found to be the tip of an iceberg. There is nothing particularly indicating that the issues are growing legs.

And some credit to Raksha herself, who does seem to be holding things together in difficult circumstances - coming here to seek advice as required.




It may well appear that things are coming to a head, but that is an illusion brought about by the development of this thread. Although family problems often do flare up at Christmas, I wouldn't assume that it will for Raksha on the basis of this thread.

I hope you are right and it is an illusion, but in view of a previous violent history (although not to her and the children) and what seems erratic behaviour over house rules and sanctions for infringement of such, I think she would be wise to have plans in place to get to a safe haven - if only for the sake of her children.

Her children are getting bigger now, what if one does something violent to his father through resentment or because he is fed up of hearing his mother shouted at? I speak through personal experience here.

In Raksha's own words

"In fact he called one tonight - so he could make a list of things everyone wanted for christmas - the oldest said he'd been promised some beer, which OH immediatly denied - cue another family row"


Wouldn't most people be amused? her OH must have very little sense of humour, it can't make for a happy family atmosphere



I wish this family a Christmas full of love, happiness and peace, just as I wish the same for everyone else.

Raksha

My OH works 24/7 shifts - he's just finished for 4 days, goes back on 'days' on Christmas Eve for 3 shifts. He's getting pretty pee'd off that I'm standing up to him and pointing out when he belittles my ideas. We've agreed as a family that when there are treats, there will be enough for equal shares each.
He rarely laughs these days and I feel he is depressed (takes one to know one, but he won't have it).

However - he does have the capability to recognise and change his behaviour, so I hold out hope.

Thanks to everyone who's been so supportive. Happy Christmas to you and your families.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

He might just be miffed that he doesn't get to rule the roost with a rod of iron all the time, rather than depressed....


But good on you for standing up to him. Although I would suggest that you decide on appropriate punishments (and follow them through), as that increases your power to all in the family - for example, not making any treats for a fortnight/whatever.

Oldernotwiser

ceridwen wrote: »

Time he was told "Look Mr - this is Britain and this is the 21st century. This family runs as a democracy. Get used to it."

Perhaps why we see so many feral children and chaotic families is because some idiots think that families should be run as democracies!

ceridwen

LilacLouisa wrote: »

What started as a seeminly simple problem, kids taking food that had been bought to make biscuits, now has reached greater and more serious proportions.

Raksha, is your husband usually at work during the week, and will he be at home for the Christmas holidays? Christmas, or any holiday where people are together for longer than usual, seems to be a flashpoint for some relationships.

This may not occur for you and your family, but maybe think of somewhere you and the boys could go to be safe, try to keep some cash in your purse and maybe a few clothes ready packed in a holdall.

Hopefully none of these will be needed, but always have plan B and even plan C ready, at least you won't trapped in an unhappy scenario unless you want to be.

I had been wondering how Christmas is likely to be - as its so often a flashpoint time in many households anyway....

I apologise Raksha that I went so "steam coming out of my ears" earlier about the use of the "stealing" word about the food - though I still think that that is/was totally the wrong word to use. I just had this feeling there was more to this than was meeting the eye - with a word like that getting used in the circumstances and at least it has now become clear this is more likely to be OH's description of events than yours in the event. Things are maybe becoming a bit clearer to you now - and hopefully your own "version of events" will be quite clear to you by the end of the Christmas period - rather than going along with his view on things.

Fang_3

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

Perhaps why we see so many feral children and chaotic families is because some idiots think that families should be run as democracies!

More the reason that the chaotic families don't have any sort of rules in place, and there's no common decency.

It's certainly been my experience that those families with flexible 'rules' have been much better behaved and indeed happier than those ruled with an iron fist. That's not to say that there isn't a happy medium, but it must be remembered that the iron fist approach of yesteryear didn't work, which is why the majority of children brought up with it, parent without it.

Oldernotwiser

Fang wrote: »

More the reason that the chaotic families don't have any sort of rules in place, and there's no common decency.

It's certainly been my experience that those families with flexible 'rules' have been much better behaved and indeed happier than those ruled with an iron fist. That's not to say that there isn't a happy medium, but it must be remembered that the iron fist approach of yesteryear didn't work, which is why the majority of children brought up with it, parent without it.

A democracy implies that every member has an equal say. When this philosophy applies in families, what you actually get is anarchy.

Zara77

Hi
This is the first time im posting on such a topic but i just felt unable not to respond. I dont want to sound like im judging you or family,merely making an observational comment. In my family growing up,food was never a problem. We did not have a vast amount of money yet this was the one area my parents made sure they never any want. My father would go the market every Saturday and take us along. We would literally carry bags and bags of fresh fruit and veg home. Infact we used to really look forward to our weekends. He would treat us to all sorts of fruit from across the globe. My mother always made sure there was a variety of all kinds of food at home. Whatever was in the cubboard was for all of us and we never had to ask. To be honest i hadn't realised till i read this thread that there was another way. Today, even when i visit my mother im very much at home,as my mother is in mine. I really dont think demonising young children(yes i think 13 is still child years) is not very productive.
From reading this rather long thread it is clear that there are other issues, which i think should not be confused with the eating of food.
Teenagers like variety and eating fruit/nuts is a positive thing. I really think you need to step out of us and them mentality. Im sure it can not make you happy hence posting on here. All major supermarkets do value line nuts/fruit, why not just pick them up. Food should not be a battle but should bring joy to a home-ie; the sharing of it.
I miss those Saturday fruit buying trips with my father now that he no longer here and strongly urge you to please find a common ground with your son. Life has a habit of moving along and sometimes we forget the important things-im sure you love your son. So please just start from that point because really in the long run will those few bags of fruit/nut gone astray take the place of your child? In years to come think of all the wonderful thing you can be apart of in your sons life-him getting married,you holding his first child. Basically what im saying please dont get so caught up in this food issue you,that alienate your son and then miss out on huge chunks of his life.
On a separate note with regards to your husband, he sound like a domineering character and please consider what sort of affect this has on your sons. I agree with several other posters about life being too short.
I wish you the best and please give your son a break.

Slinky_Malinky

Raksha, I cannot really add anything to what has already been said regarding the `stealing` and your husband. However regarding your family weight problems I wanted to mention this organisation...

http://www.mendprogramme.org/home

If there is a programme running in your area, then I am sure it would benefit you all and certainly preferable to Slimfast. Cheaper too because it is free to attend and they will no doubt have plenty of advice how to feed the family well on a tight budget and will help with guidelines as to how much and how often the boys should be eating.