Who pays what in your house?

MillicentBystander

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

I used to be in a relationship with someone like this, and it was a nightmare. He would also spend all his money and have to borrow it, buy things without saying first and expect me to find the money to give him half, and build up bug debts which then I would have to pay 'half' towards!

Now im with someone new, who looks after me and my 2 kids, and pays more towards looking after them than their own dad. We share all bills including childcare costs (even though they are not his kids), all presents, clothes etc costs. Whats left we share, but if we had a takeaway one of us would just pay, we wouldnt split is as it comes down to our money, as we are a family unit. We are young (and he is pretty young as younger than me).and I would never go back to how it was with the ex. He would give me his last penny, and I would for him. Its about respect and working towards our future.

If this guy wants to be with you and your daughter, he needs to step up and start this of us not him! I've been where you are, and he needs to change or get out! What happens if you had a child together and go on maternity pay, is he going to support you then? My ex refused and I was 'made' to go back to FT work soon to pay my 'half'!

Sentence of the whole thread in my opinion. Well said and great post! :beer:

balletshoes

mommyme wrote: »

He doesnt want to pay towards anything thats "mine" - He only has a mobile phone bills that he pays for. So I'm left paying for everything to do with car and DD. I asked whether he was going to start on the food next after the toileteries lol I bet he would as well you know - "i dont eat cheese, im not paying for it" - lol next it's be "his and her" cupboards lol



I had a joint account with DD's dad and it caused so much trouble i swore i'd never go joint again.



Tried this one - He said that he actually only uses it to go to work and that if i didnt take him he couldnt/wouldnt go (there is a bus he can catch at 7:30am - he starts work at 9am, but there isnt a bus back until 6:40 - he finishes work at 5)

I think I agree with a lot of others - this just sounds like a lot of hard work, and for what? Its definitely not fair what your OH is doing, and if you don't already, you're soon going to start resenting him for not accepting his financial responsibilities to the household.

dark_lady

My ex was like this. he would time me in the shower and come in shouting if i took more than 3 mins, saying that he was on a water meter and that HE only took 3 mins to shower so why couldnt i. He flatly refused to buy groceries. I would go over to his on Saturday nights for a meal and whatnot and he would not buy in ANY food until he definately knew i was coming over. One Saturday i fell ill suddenly and he yelled at me down the phone cos he had already spent some pence on some pasta! I mean he would not buy food at all. He used to deliver for an indian restaurant and got a free curry out of them every night of the week so his attitude was that he didnt care if it was unhealthy as long as it was free!
He was also in debt and said the debt was caused by getting out a loan for his car but then i found out that was a blatant lie. He had inherited the car when his stepfather died. No way was i going to move in with him and help him pay it off either directly or indirectly especially when he couldnt be truthful with me about it to begin with. While i was with him he was very good at the whatnot though lol. You usually find that people like this are great for a casual relationship but not for anything serious.

frivolous_fay

We aren't married but we have a mutually respectful arrangement - a joint account and fortunately, similarly frugal-ish habits.
O/H does tend to consult me before a large purchase, but that's because I'm the only one that takes an interest in how much money we have floating around
Likewise... I felt guilty buying a £40 clutch bag and checked with him first!

OP... he needs to grow up, seriously.

ailuro2

Next time you've a few days off work,( ie you won't need the car) go out and disconnect the battery... then make sure you try to drive to the shops the night before...

that way he'll have time to get up for the bus in the morning and not miss his work.

Tell him you have no money left to join the AA or get the local garage to come round, and since it's your car you will decide when it will be fixed...

sounds petty, but then so does not paying for a car that takes him to work every day.

Tell him you're starting a monthly finances meeting, get all the bills outl the food shopping, gas etc, and work out a plan for you both to contribute fairly.
A couple who is constantly arguing about money won't be a couple for long.;)

fwiw both our wages go into a joint account, we can both see what's happening and neither of us go nuts spending money on £200 coffee machines ( got the buy one get two free deal on Cappucino sachets from Tesco the other week)

onlyroz

Whether it's a joint account or not, you certainly need a third account from which all the bills are paid, and into which enough money is put to cover groceries and other joint purchases. Ideally you should both put more than enough money into this account, and if there's a surplus at the end of the year then it can be put towards a holiday or something.

But you need to accurately figure out how much you need each month, and figure out what proportion you should each be paying in dependent on your respective salaries. Then anything left over in your own accounts is yours to spend as you wish.

MoaningMyrtle

Give him the number of the local driving school so he can get his own transport.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Thought I'd give you a little update - Didnt get the whole chat out last night as I was still unwell.

I've told him in not happy about the money situation and said that he comes across as accusing. He said that he didnt think it was fair i "let" him buy the iron knowing I wouldnt go halves when the one we had broke. He also remembered he brought the steamer that day and wants half for that lol I told him that he's been in work since September at this job, I do 50miles a week transporting him so thats 16 weeks worth of petrol costs - at which point he said "i'll get the bus!" - Fair do's - there's the time table, jog on

My dad has told him he wont be taking him to work after xmas so he'll bus reliant now!

He has a provisional driving license but he's one of those "i'll sit ant wait for everyone else to do it for me" type of person (he never used to be) so for his xmas pressie I have booked his theory test :rotfl:

I've told him i'm not giving him money for the itron/steamer/coffee machine (he said he brought the coffee machine FOR ME, even though I was quite happy drinking Nescafe!)

He chesked his bank today and left the "time out" message on the screen which shows he has 65p in his account until pay day (Think its just before xmas) so it looks like i'll have to give him money for his bus fare this week.

I spoke to him about budgeting, he said that he can't budget because I take all his money. He works on commission and because he isnt hitting his targets he is only getting basic wage. His "trial" period has been extended (not just his, everyone who started with him) until March so I'm worried as what will happen if he loses his job.

I think i've been very silly in letting him move in but at the time it seemed right. He had 2 jobs, worked a lot of hours and supported himself, he seem's to have given in that idea now. I dont know if he was expecting me to support him or what

I fly out of the UK tomorrow for work purposes, I'll go spare if I come back to a messy house - DD is at my mothers so just OH at home and he tends not to pick up after himself (The wholse business trip is anaother saga, he isnt looking forward to me going because he knows my mum will be on his case to keep house tidy lol)

glittermonster

Good luck with your trip and well done for airing your issues.

ATM my oh gives me 40% towards bills and half food and cat food. I pay the rest and the mortgage ATM it's in my name as it's my place - oneday it'll be joint and we'll have a joint ac. I earn more than him.

I'm really hot on my finances checking everyday and spreadsheets galore - my oh is the opposite - as with many relationships.

It works for us

as and when our situation changes we'll rework bills as necessary.

[Deleted User]

My OH works full time and the only other money apart from his wage is ctc and child benefit, I am a stay at home mum to our 3yr old son and currently expecting our second child so I have no income of my own anymore, we have had a joint account pretty much since we first started living together. There have been times when I have earnt more and when one of us has been out of work and we have always classed any money coming in to the house as "ours". If one of us wants to go out we go out and we have never "leant" each other money. I really couldn't be bothered with the hassle of arguing about things like this month in month out. I deal with all the bills going out and allocate what money we have for spends every month even though its not me that earns the money and if I say the money is running low he accepts this. We never argue about money, we went through a tough yr both been out of work last yr and it was the best thing that could have happened because we now both appreciate how to budget and what we have now. Personally imo if you can't treat all money as "yours" you should go with the 3rd joint account option and split the bills 50/50 and transfer the money into there, as other ppl have said I would stop lending him money and I would stop the lifts to work too, so what if he has to wait for a bus. My OH starts work at 7am and has to leave at 5am for a bus and finishes at 7pm and doesnt get home til between 8-8.30, thats life.....if he chooses to not go to work because of having to wait for a bus he sounds very immature!! some ppl would kill for a job right now regardless of how they got there! You sound very much like a friend of mine who was having this with her other half and its a constant battle for them, she used to take him and pick him up from work too and he also refused to pay towards the car instead spending 100's of £'s on his xbox.....I know what I'd be doing in this situation...getting rid! You deserve better!!