Who pays what in your house?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I'm one of those people who check the bank a few times during the day (esp this time of year so i can keep track of spends!) I cant do a "spends diary" but i do have a spreadsheet so i know whats coming in and out of bank and what my balance should be on XX a day.

OH uses his bank balance at that point to dertermain whether he should buy something or not without wondering if it will leave him penniless within a week. I cant live like that when i have DD to think about and this is something im worried about if we get a "joint" account. We did something similar to the third bank account but it didnt really work.

I Have 2 bank accounts. One is my personal use, the other just has DD's nursery fee's going in and out of it (Its a chq account, where as my personal one isnt)

Do you thinks this be ok to use as a "Joint" account without actually putting his name on it? Some my question why I dont want this but i'd never go joint with anyone again. There's one cash card to the account and it stays in my purse (he doesnt know pin code so cant withdraw money) as i'd be worried he'd impulse buy and ;eave us short for the bills

On a side note - I have a sealed pot, i KNOW there is over 300 in there that I have been saving. Told OH i would break into this and use it towards his mum's wedding and he said "you've already been at that this year" - I have, I took a tenner out but put twenty back in, so now wondering what i will find when i smash it open - he better not of been dipping into it when he's been running low on cash because this is money i've been saving for a rainy day long before he moved in

SkintGypsy

If you can't trust him to the extent that you think he may be capable of stealing from you then why do you want him in your life? Your daughter needs good role models and he isn't one of them. Frankly, and I don't mean to be unkind, but you aren't either if she can see you being taken for a mug.

Errata

he better not of been dipping into it when he's been running low on cash because this is money i've been saving for a rainy day long before he moved in

TBH the fact that you think he's capable of doing that should be ringing very loud alarm bells in your head. You should be able to leave tenners lying about in the open all over the house and be confident they will all stay where you left them. IMHO he's using you but not being much use to you.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

all assumptions though.

He hasnt actually said he's took anything out of there and I havent looked yet. Was just the way it was said (but I am known for hearing/reading things wrong)

I think i'll smash the pot before i leave for work tomorrow and see and apologies greatly if im wrong

jcr16

now i wouldn't normally say something like this, but i really feel perhaps it might be a good soloution for a while.

perhaps he should get his own place for a while. let him learn to budget by himself. of course u can still be a couple etc, but if he was able to do it all but can't now, will it really change while he's living with you ?

and there really needs to be more trust. i can't believe ur gonna smash your pot of savings to see if he has used some from it. Surely if he needed some cash he should be able to ask to borrow some. and instead of smashing it, you should be able to ask him and the answer he gives you , you should be able to accept and believe straight away.

pimento

How old is he? He sounds about 18.

Frogletina

mommyme wrote: »

I Have 2 bank accounts. One is my personal use, the other just has DD's nursery fee's going in and out of it (Its a chq account, where as my personal one isnt)

Do you thinks this be ok to use as a "Joint" account without actually putting his name on it? Some my question why I dont want this but i'd never go joint with anyone again. There's one cash card to the account and it stays in my purse (he doesnt know pin code so cant withdraw money) as i'd be worried he'd impulse buy and leave us short for the bills

Prior to being single, I always worked on the principle of single accounts for each and a joint account which I always took charge of - even when he was the only one paying into it. I always made a budget and kept accounts.

It began when I came out of hospital with a new baby (I'd been in there for 3 weeks) to find he'd not enough money left in his account to pay the mortgage, and it took 2 weeks pay at that time

At the beginning the first joint account was just a bank book, and when it came to a new book, only I signed it - I was told he could come in with the old book and add his signature, but he never did! When the children were older, and I worked, we put equal amounts into the joint account. I still kept control of the account although by then it came with a debit card (mine - he never saw or signed his!)

Great system

When I bought things, I always knew which 'pot' things should come from, I imagine a lot of people (not just men) spend what is in their pocket without thinking

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

jcr16 wrote: »

now i wouldn't normally say something like this, but i really feel perhaps it might be a good soloution for a while.

perhaps he should get his own place for a while. let him learn to budget by himself. of course u can still be a couple etc, but if he was able to do it all but can't now, will it really change while he's living with you ?

and there really needs to be more trust. i can't believe ur gonna smash your pot of savings to see if he has used some from it. Surely if he needed some cash he should be able to ask to borrow some. and instead of smashing it, you should be able to ask him and the answer he gives you , you should be able to accept and believe straight away.

Ah no sorry - i think you mis-read what I put.

His mum is getting married in 2 weeks. The money in the post is going to be used to travel there and for the hotel accommodation rather than me using my bank account. So either way, the pot will be getting smashed - I'm just curious as to whats in it (plus I may need to add to it) and I know what I'm expecting in there. I dont think he has tried to get money out of it but it was that comment he made that has made me wonder.

I did ask him a few weeks ago about him moving out, he took this as me looking for an excuse to break up with him and we got into an argument. Alot of the arguing is stress related, His jobs unsecure as he isnt hitting the targets, Im moving up in my place of work and its getting stressful, His DS's birthday is coming up and his ex did a runner a few years back so he doesnt know where his DS is, I'm kicking off about how untidy the house is and money situation, and then there xmas and his mums wedding (not an excuse for him by all means but it is pretty hectic right now)

pimento wrote: »

How old is he? He sounds about 18.

He's 29 so should really know better

Frogletina wrote: »

Prior to being single, I always worked on the principle of single accounts for each and a joint account which I always took charge of - even when he was the only one paying into it. I always made a budget and kept accounts.

It began when I came out of hospital with a new baby (I'd been in there for 3 weeks) to find he'd not enough money left in his account to pay the mortgage, and it took 2 weeks pay at that time

At the beginning the first joint account was just a bank book, and when it came to a new book, only I signed it - I was told he could come in with the old book and add his signature, but he never did! When the children were older, and I worked, we put equal amounts into the joint account. I still kept control of the account although by then it came with a debit card (mine - he never saw or signed his!)

Great system

When I bought things, I always knew which 'pot' things should come from, I imagine a lot of people (not just men) spend what is in their pocket without thinking

The only thing i'm worried about is because DD's nursery fee's come out of the single account (i make a transer the week before fee's are due when i've had payments from ex etc and then pay nursery a cheque)

Dont want to get in trouble with those payments

runninglea

Any idea why his ex did a runner and not left a forwarding address. Could she have seen the light!!!

MillicentBystander

If that was me, that 'sealed pot' would have been smashed a millisecond after he said what he did! I can't believe your restraint, mommyme! :eek: And if there WAS some money missing what was left of the pot would probably have ended up on Caveman's head.