Who pays what in your house?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

i wouldnt expect it to be that easy lol He moved 200+ miles to be with me and DD, last time i mentioned him moving out but us staying together it didnt go down too well.

Its the "cant live with em, cant live without em" at the min

Frogletina

FatVonD wrote: »

I imagine that all those for whom joint accounts have worked gloriously for scores of years all came to the relationship without any financial baggage.

Things can be very different in second marriages/relationships.

Possibly, if you are meaning debts and/or maintenence payments/other commitments

In my first marriage, a very short one, I was given housekeeping money, the bills got paid - but he treated the rest as his own as he earned it, and I had no personal money at all. And lack of money was the least of my problems with him

My joint account was within a second marriage and my new husband took on all financial responsibility for my 2 existing children.

It was not easy, soon there were 5 of us (with our new baby) The mortgage took 50% of his wages, and at one point we had to pay interest at 17%.:eek: I had no savings but no debts either, most of his savings went on a deposit for a house.

A joint account was just the system which worked for us, even after I started work, which meant that then we had more money both in the joint account and as individuals with our own accounts.

balletshoes

mommyme wrote: »

The reason he was nicknamed Caveman is because he had very old fashioned values and thats part of what i liked about him. He had a good work ethic and didnt want to lounge about all day (like ex did) and wanted to spend time with me and DD etc I've known him for 10 years, both been through stuff and have baggage and as mates we got on brilliant, and the relationship was brilliant but since he's moved in we seem to argue most weeks. i dont want to give in and then later wonder "what if" rather fight through it then at least i'll look back and say "i tried"

he had a good work ethic and old fashioned values - does he no longer have these? he doesn't appear to have old fashioned values when it comes to providing for his partner and the household now, does he?
if you are OCD about cleaning, and your OH doesn't mind mess, how is this going to work without you getting stressed and resentful?
you've been trying this living together as a family since August - how long are you going to give it until you realise you have tried? both of you need to try, you can't do it on your own.

System

I'm in a flatshare. As i've done for the last 5 years everyone puts a bill in their name then squares it monthly with the others. This year i have water and tv/phone/internet and flatmate took gas and electric. We have a jar which spare change goes into for communal foods like butter, bread and milk etc. Rent is paid seperatly to the LL.

sueeve

The good thing about having a separate account, in your name only, is that you wouyld be able to go through the statement with him so that he comes to realise more clearly where his payment goes. he has a lot to learn and this would help him.

lindsaygalaxy

Ok mommyme, i'm going to be blunt, and only because I see many aspects of my past (and not that distant past) in you and your life.

First of all I notice in several posts you blaming and putting yourself down. You may not know or notice you are doing this but this tells me there are control issues. I know from experience, and im sure you also dont want to get in arguements with him and you dont want to lose him, but you dont like the way things are either.

You are living as a couple with no kids. BUT you cant! He got involved with you knowing you had a child.She comes first, not him! If he doesnt like it tough! This means ALL money has to be shared with her put first, not him and not an iron. He clearly doesnt see her (or you) as a family. He should WANT to help pay towards her upbringing if he is to be in it.

IF any partner/boyfriend ever hit my child he would be out before he had time to explain. It is not something that could be sorted, I would never trust him anywhere near her ever again, and as children come first he wouldnt get a chance again.

Money is just the end result of the problems. He cant be trusted to think of you both first before his needs with money. He cant be trusted to look after your daughter. He isnt responsible enough to sort himself out for work.

Think about the bigger picture here. He could get a flat share, and yes you'd see him less, but wouldnt argue over money or you being tidy! Thats if he stuck around after actually having to grow up.

Im sorry to be blunt, but I wish someone had shook me to see sense. He is a grown man and needs to be responsible and you need to be happy. Think about your daughters future. Do you want her to see a role model that supports his family, or someone that wants things split by the penny and cant be trusted. Sure, tell yourself he will change, you love him and things will be better, or be realistic and give yourself what you deserve - happiness.

Johnny_Barnes10

He needs to leave that house, how can it work if he blows £200 (wow) on an iron then expects you to put half? Would be like you spending £2000 on a new fridge and telling him to give you a grand. Hitting you kids as well? Big no no, if my current woman touched my son that would be it!

Ps - what does DD, DS and DH mean?

HeatherH

marvellous10 wrote: »

Ps - what does DD, DS and DH mean?

DD - Darling Daughter
DS - Darling Son
DH - Darling Husband

Johnny_Barnes10

Thanks for that Heather!

thorsoak

Mommyme - can I suggest that you read the whole of this thread, not from YOUR point of view - but from the point of view of someone who is reading about somebody else's dilemma - and then ask youself - what would YOUR reaction be if that person were to ask you for advice?

I knew nothing about another thread where he hit your daughter until read it - and that rang so many alarm bells with me ...he reacted as a child would - "she hit me, so I hit her back" - but he is a grown man who ought, by the age of 29, to have learned self control - but from what you say about his impulsive buying habits - coffee machine/steam generator etc - he has not done so.

Don't make excuses for him - he does that for himself. But please, think carefully about the safety of your daughter - that should come before anything else - before your happiness even.

Regards