Who pays what in your house?

annibee

Hello

Im sorry but this sounds like a parent relationship.

My oh and me pay for everything with whatever is coming in from wherever (his wage, my wage, child benefit, lottery wins whatever).
Ive said before that we're alike and therefore any "treats" we want usually benefit the whole family although sometimes we might want a takeaway from 2 different places which might cost differently.

Our priorities are our kids first and foremost and then our family as a whole. But I imagine this works for us because we are similar spirits. My son is from a previous relationship and NEVER has my oh denied him anything or said i would have to pay.

From your posts your oh (and i wouldnt describe him as a half of you because you seem to be worth ten of him) behaves like a child and you treat him like one (giving him lifts because you worry and to encourage him, lending him money etc etc)

You have a lovely dd maybe its time you just focus on her would you want her to grow up and be with someone who drained her financially and emotionally? I doubt it. Be a good role model.

You said somewhere you dont want to think what if and would rather think you tried - well you have tried and he isnt ready to be in a relationship imho.

Also if anyone ever hit my child that would be it! They would not be allowed near them for love nor money.

Hope this doesnt sound patronising or anything but sometimes its good to have blunt comments to wake us up to what we cant see.

I hope for your sake you find a decent man one who wouldnt even need to be asked to contribute half and that has similar morals to yourself

tattycath

annibee wrote: »

Hello

Im sorry but this sounds like a parent relationship.

My oh and me pay for everything with whatever is coming in from wherever (his wage, my wage, child benefit, lottery wins whatever).
Ive said before that we're alike and therefore any "treats" we want usually benefit the whole family although sometimes we might want a takeaway from 2 different places which might cost differently.

Our priorities are our kids first and foremost and then our family as a whole. But I imagine this works for us because we are similar spirits. My son is from a previous relationship and NEVER has my oh denied him anything or said i would have to pay.

From your posts your oh (and i wouldnt describe him as a half of you because you seem to be worth ten of him) behaves like a child and you treat him like one (giving him lifts because you worry and to encourage him, lending him money etc etc)

You have a lovely dd maybe its time you just focus on her would you want her to grow up and be with someone who drained her financially and emotionally? I doubt it. Be a good role model.

You said somewhere you dont want to think what if and would rather think you tried - well you have tried and he isnt ready to be in a relationship imho.

Also if anyone ever hit my child that would be it! They would not be allowed near them for love nor money.

Hope this doesnt sound patronising or anything but sometimes its good to have blunt comments to wake us up to what we cant see.

I hope for your sake you find a decent man one who wouldnt even need to be asked to contribute half and that has similar morals to yourself

Spot on-i totally agree with this post, i could have written it myself almost word for word as this is the kind of relationship my husband and i have.

annibee

I just read back and realised you have made headway so sorry if that posts a bit out of date!! hopefully you can be the kick up that backside this guy needs to mature into a gentleman - he may well be able to be moulded yet - although this is still taking on a parent role imo Good Luck!!

annibee

tattycath wrote: »

Spot on-i totally agree with this post, i could have written it myself almost word for word as this is the kind of relationship my husband and i have.

Thanks its good to know Im not alone in my opinions :cool:

vesper

wow that is just all confusing. Me and the OH half don't have a joint account as such but he pays for all of the bills out of his bank account as its easier that way as I get paid in cash. Then we work out what my share is (I don't pay exactly half of everything as I only work part time, he works full time) and then I pay him my share. It has always worked for us and then what ever money is left over is our own. Food wise we split down the middle, doesn't mater if someone has something special food wise bought, overall it ends equal anyway.
If we need a big item we tend to share the costs unless its something special I want for the kitchen.

But then everyone is different. This is just the best way that works for us.

anxious_mum

Blimey, he sounds like my teenage son, and I only put up with his demands and tantrums becasue he is only 17 and is still learning how to behave as an adult! Your OH needs to grow up or ship out!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

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Just to point out - I have mentioned this before - Me and OH have sorted these all out, the thread was revived as someone was looking at another thread of mine about my Ex. OH has really stepped up, He catches bus to work now (i still collect him but thats my choice) and he is really helping with DD and the problems with the Ex But TY for all the replies.

If only Ex would sort himself out now . . . . .

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anxious_mum

Oh, that's good news Mommyme, I'm so glad you managed to sort it between you. Good luck for the future x