Who pays what in your house?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Sorry everyone for delayed reply.

Went away with work, got stuck in Frankfurt, had to drive to paris, spent night there, got eurostar, missed train in london then had to get another one to birmingham, hire a car and bloody drive home! I wouldnt recommend it to anyone!

TY for the replies. We had a big bust up when I got back (and no DD wasnt around) I've said things need to change NOW or thats it, he says i need to change certain things (like the cleaning etc)

He passed his theory test yesterday and (this is the funny bit) asked if he can go on my car insurance, told him if he's doing that then the bills will go up as he can pay towards the insurance. He's agreed to that.

Going to do a cleaning rota later with him. House was like a bombsite when i got in so i spent ages tidying up yesterday after all the travel (which then turned into an argument when i called him a useless so and so!)

Thanks again

vik6525

lindsaygalaxy wrote: »

Ok mommyme, i'm going to be blunt, and only because I see many aspects of my past (and not that distant past) in you and your life.

First of all I notice in several posts you blaming and putting yourself down. You may not know or notice you are doing this but this tells me there are control issues. I know from experience, and im sure you also dont want to get in arguements with him and you dont want to lose him, but you dont like the way things are either.

You are living as a couple with no kids. BUT you cant! He got involved with you knowing you had a child.She comes first, not him! If he doesnt like it tough! This means ALL money has to be shared with her put first, not him and not an iron. He clearly doesnt see her (or you) as a family. He should WANT to help pay towards her upbringing if he is to be in it.

IF any partner/boyfriend ever hit my child he would be out before he had time to explain. It is not something that could be sorted, I would never trust him anywhere near her ever again, and as children come first he wouldnt get a chance again.

Money is just the end result of the problems. He cant be trusted to think of you both first before his needs with money. He cant be trusted to look after your daughter. He isnt responsible enough to sort himself out for work.

Think about the bigger picture here. He could get a flat share, and yes you'd see him less, but wouldnt argue over money or you being tidy! Thats if he stuck around after actually having to grow up.

Im sorry to be blunt, but I wish someone had shook me to see sense. He is a grown man and needs to be responsible and you need to be happy. Think about your daughters future. Do you want her to see a role model that supports his family, or someone that wants things split by the penny and cant be trusted. Sure, tell yourself he will change, you love him and things will be better, or be realistic and give yourself what you deserve - happiness.

Im genuinely not getting at YOU here, but the part of your post that Ive highlighted has really wound me up!
Why does 'He' have to be a role model who supports his family?? Because hes a MAN??

Sounds to me like Mommyme is being a damm good role model to her child on her own.

jellyhead

Mommyme is he now paying half towards ALL of the car expenses?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

No but as in other thread - We're re-evaluating everything and he will be :T

elvis86

It never ceases to amaze me how eager some women are to move men into their homes, to live with their children.

You don't trust him enough/feel secure enough in the relationship to warrant opening a joint bank account, but you invite him to live with you and your toddler? Insane...

He sounds like a complete idiot and I for one can't imagine why anyone would want to share their life with someone so petty.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

elvis86 wrote: »

It never ceases to amaze me how eager some women are to move men into their homes, to live with their children.

You don't trust him enough/feel secure enough in the relationship to warrant opening a joint bank account, but you invite him to live with you and your toddler? Insane...

He sounds like a complete idiot and I for one can't imagine why anyone would want to share their life with someone so petty.

Ok, but have you read that whole of this thread?

I've known OH for 10 years. I wouldnt trust ANYONE to have a joint bank account with me because of what Ex did (£32k worth of debt, screwed up my credit, had baliffs at door etc, and ex is still now causing me problems even though we are no longer together)

OH got screwed over by his ex, which is why he is/was the way he was. thread was started in dec when i was very angry. me and OH have sorted things out, he is still paying half of certain bills and groceries and as of this month, he is now on insurance and will be contrabuting towards this. If you look on the other thread about ex, you will see Ex is refusing to pay for DD and OH has stepped up

Bufger

wow!!!! first of all i would write a big list of all your outgoings and all of his outgoings. Then circle all of the non essential or luxury items in both lists and work out the cost of these. Do this alone ready to present to him.

200 on an iron? rediculous!!!! sounds like he has no concept of money whatsoever.

Me and my missus work it like this: I earn roughly 2k a month, she earns roughly 1.3k per month. I pay 1.2k into a joint bank account per month, she pays 500. This covers the mortgage, all bills and 4 weekly shops of roughly 50 pounds each. I pay for my car and petrol and she pays for hers (and i dont mind if she uses mine alot and i still pay petrol as im in a relationship with her and shes more important than money!)

We both get a fair bit of spending money after all that. I usually end up paying for meals or cinema trips and stuff but thats because i insist - she still always offers.

Once you've been in a relationship long enough it just works. If i decided not to pay my 1.2k and bought a very expensive iron instead then i expect our relationship would start to fail.

zcrat41

Wow, Mommyme. I only read the beginning and end of this thread as its getting a bit long.

I'm probably coming at it from a bit more of an optimistic angle than you as I've just opened my first joint bank account with my fiancee!

What stood out for me is that don't let him walk over you. If he threatens to walk home along some unlit road let him. He can buy a flourescent jacket. Each couple have a different way of managing their finances and if it works for you the way your doing it then great. But I would in NO WAY lend my finacee to buy fags or booze. Speaking as an ex smoker here - my finacee helped me give up. If I'd have asked him for money for fags he'd have laughed in my face. If I kept asking I wouldn't be his fiancee now.

Good luck - make sure you get him paying for half of all the car costs if he's going to be driving it.

ZC

elvis86

mommyme wrote: »

He wasnt happy to have money from me before he moved in (i remember him refusing point blank to take £10 off me to buy some drinks one day when we was at the pub because he didnt think it was right)

Well his attitude soon changed by the sounds of it! What a gent...:cool:

If you're in a relationship with someone and you live together, there has to be some element of "joint-edness" to your finances. Be it one partner handing over a set amount to the other who sorts all the bills, or a joint account where both partners deposit a set amount each month retaining their own "spends", or a pooling of all income.

Even my housemate and I have a joint account! We're not in a relationship, but I trust him enough not to steal from me and leave us in trouble when the rent is due! How you can tolerate any less from a boyfriend is beyond me. You must have quite low self-esteem to tolerate being treated like that.:(

Kimberley82

I pay for my car and my 'treats' my husband pays everything else