Who pays what in your house?

pimento

shellsuit wrote: »

I remember your other thread about your OH when he had slapped your DD after she had hit him.

He did what? It must be like having two kids.

Why did your daughter hit him?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

vik6525 wrote: »

Mommyme....
Forgetting the 'money' issues at the moment...

Are you happy in this relationship?

The way it is right now - No. There are thigns we need to sort out, finances benig the main one, and chores. I suffer OCD with cleaning. Freaks me out if the house is untidy. He doesnt mind it being unkept. I've tried to compromise but then get my parents butting in that "the house is a mess" which drives me OTT with cleaning again. My parents and Ex are causing problems without realising it. My parents see OH as a waster (like many on here see it) and dont really like him, but then they love my ex who did awful things to me so i think their views are clouded lol

When we lived apart it was great. I had my space, he had his. But we only saw each other 3 days a week, was horrible when other one had to go and it was costing far too much. At the time it was right to move in, but neither of us get any space.

balletshoes wrote: »

it doesn't matter which account it is - I think it was mentioned because you suggested it? As long as he has no access to withdraw funds, it doesn't matter whether its a basic or current account he pays the money into.

Ah no - few ppl suggested a second account - i didnt get why though if i can get him to set a SO into mine?

kegg_2

Why are you with this waste of space? Do you enjoy the drama? the fact that he is a pretty helpless type who needs to be mothered? Is you self esteme so low that you think this is the best you can get? Just why as to somone on the outside reading this it doesn't seem to be much of a relationship

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

To be honest, you both need your heads banging together.

I remember your other thread about your OH when he had slapped your DD after she had hit him.

You don't share finances and you don't share childcare, so what is the point in the relationship?

Why does he need your Mum to tell him to keep the house tidy? He's not a child is he, or is this just your house?

pimento wrote: »

He did what? It must be like having two kids.

Why did your daughter hit him?

She hit him with a spoon so he slapped her and i went ballistic but that was a few months back now and all been sorted.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

kegg wrote: »

Why are you with this waste of space? Do you enjoy the drama? the fact that he is a pretty helpless type who needs to be mothered? Is you self esteme so low that you think this is the best you can get? Just why as to somone on the outside reading this it doesn't seem to be much of a relationship

The reason he was nicknamed Caveman is because he had very old fashioned values and thats part of what i liked about him. He had a good work ethic and didnt want to lounge about all day (like ex did) and wanted to spend time with me and DD etc I've known him for 10 years, both been through stuff and have baggage and as mates we got on brilliant, and the relationship was brilliant but since he's moved in we seem to argue most weeks. i dont want to give in and then later wonder "what if" rather fight through it then at least i'll look back and say "i tried"

shellsuit

mommyme wrote: »

She hit him with a spoon so he slapped her and i went ballistic but that was a few months back now and all been sorted

But it warranted an angry ranting thread on here, plus you'd told him to get out of the house that day.

It's not healthy and certainly not good to be arguing with a little one in the house.

I do feel like nothing he can do is right and do actually feel for him.

I don't understand how you can welcome a man into your home to live with you and your daughter, and not feel you can trust him to look after her or chastise her.

Same as I can't understand why you didn't sort all this finance stuff out before he moved in.

If you think he's a loser and your parents think he's a loser, isn't it more fair to let him go his own way and separate or for him to live elsewhere?

kegg_2

mommyme wrote: »

The reason he was nicknamed Caveman is because he had very old fashioned values and thats part of what i liked about him. He had a good work ethic and didnt want to lounge about all day (like ex did) and wanted to spend time with me and DD etc I've known him for 10 years, both been through stuff and have baggage and as mates we got on brilliant, and the relationship was brilliant but since he's moved in we seem to argue most weeks. i dont want to give in and then later wonder "what if" rather fight through it then at least i'll look back and say "i tried"

Old fashioned values!!!! you are having a laugh as there is nothing old fashioned about a man who is willing to sponge off his girlfriend.

So how long are you prepared to put up with it under the disguise of "trying" to make it work? until he has bleed you dry? until your daughter learns that this is how relationships are and falls head first for the first scum bag who passes by? When you you say enough is enough and start putting you and your daughter first.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

shellsuit wrote: »

But it warranted an angry ranting thread on here, plus you'd told him to get out of the house that day.

It's not healthy and certainly not good to be arguing with a little one in the house.

I do feel like nothing he can do is right and do actually feel for him.

I don't understand how you can welcome a man into your home to live with you and your daughter, and not feel you can trust him to look after her or chastise her.

Same as I can't understand why you didn't sort all this finance stuff out before he moved in.

If you think he's a loser and your parents think he's a loser, isn't it more fair to let him go his own way and separate or for him to live elsewhere?

It did warrant me asking for advice on here because i didnt know what to do, and i took that advice and we spoke and sorted it out.

Same as i said on other thread - You get a one sided version and i've never once said i'm perfect. Your taking context from the other thread and bringing it into this one even though things have changed. He feels confident in telling DD off now and i dont intervene with that but it will never sit right with anyone (myself included) smacking DD.

If you read this thread you will notice we did agree finances before he moved in, but since then he hasnt been able to budget money and has decided he doesnt want to contribute as much any more.

I havent once said he's a loser, I've not said anything bad about him. My parents dont like him but as i;ve said before, they dont always know whats best.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

kegg wrote: »

Old fashioned values!!!! you are having a laugh as there is nothing old fashioned about a man who is willing to sponge off his girlfriend.

So how long are you prepared to put up with it under the disguise of "trying" to make it work? until he has bleed you dry? until your daughter learns that this is how relationships are and falls head first for the first scum bag who passes by? When you you say enough is enough and start putting you and your daughter first.

He wasnt happy to have money from me before he moved in (i remember him refusing point blank to take £10 off me to buy some drinks one day when we was at the pub because he didnt think it was right)

DD is at my mums tonight so we said we'd talk more then so going to raise the SO point and see what he says

alexlyne

take a step back perhaps? was OK before he moved in, so if he moves out then in theory you'll be back in the happy place? Don't have to split up if that's not what you want, but you have a bit of space to work on things. Bliss.