Who pays what in your house?

pimento

cheepskate wrote: »

As an aside, DH and i been together 22y, and always pooled our money. Now i cant work, thus have no income and his money pays for everything, but this should be what family is all about.

Yes. We've been together for 26 years (married for 24) and I work and he doesn't. My money pays for everything. I don't begrudge him a penny.

NickyBat

mommyme wrote: »

it was bliss before he moved in lol


Think this says it all, i think maybe you know what needs to be done but you need to psych yourself up for it and pick your moment.:beer:

hitchins

Even going halves on coffee! :eek: Sorry, but this isn't a relationship IMO.

fizz

I paid for the last 18months he was around + was miserable..... he's gone, I'm paying everything + so happy. BTW we were together 15 years, so he wasn't a parisite all the time.x

yummymummy1987_2

My dp pays for everything has done for the last 7 yrs since i was pregnant. In return i keep the house really clean, have a meal on the table when he gets home, look after his kids and his needs
It has ALWAYS been OUR money xx

MillicentBystander

Here's an idea, OP. Tell Caveman YOU will get the coffee capsules as it's more convenient and he can give you the same you have been giving him, lol. TBH, it's not really a laughing matter and I really don't know why you put up with him.

donquine

When you live with someone, I don't think you have to share all of your money, but I think you have to at least pool together a certain amount, or it's difficult and unpleasant. Back in the day when I was a student, I lived with people I didn't know that well and we had separate finances. When the bills came in, we worked out down to the penny how much each person owed. Sometimes some people didn't pay up on time and it caused arguments. Sometimes people 'borrowed' the odd bit of food or drink (milk was a popular one) and that caused even more arguments.

To happily co-exist with anyone, there has to be a bit of give and take - i.e. you have to have to live with people who you don't mind giving a bit extra to and who don't mind if you sometimes have to take a bit extra from. You might not have this sort of relationship with even some of your friends, but if you and your OH don't feel that way towards each other, living together is perhaps a step too far.

My OH and I do have "my money" and "your money", but we also have "our money" and when a bit of "my money" or "your money" gets blurred and ends up becoming "our money", it's no big deal. I can't imagine having to prove we incurred a joint expense and then calculating how much of that I thought my OH owed me. It's true, I take a lot on trust, but this is a person I let share my life and my home - I would be insane to live with him if I thought he was capable of hurting me or stealing from me. For the record, I'm not crazy.

To answer the original question, we share all joint expenses, e.g. bills, eating out, groceries, etc. I don't contribute towards his car, but I'm very much against the car (he doesn't use it enough for it to be cost efficient) and I don't get any benefit out of it. If it made sense owning a car and he drove me places, we would of course treat that as a joint expense.

Part of the OP's problem seems to be that her OH perceives her as having more money and fewer expenses than she actually has - if you live with someone, surely this sort of thing should be out in the open? My OH and I both know how much we both earn, when we both get paid... I'm at a loss to see how any cohabiting couple could manage their expenses otherwise. You don't necessarily have to split things cleanly down the middle, but you do have to have an idea of what you can both afford to do, as individuals and as a couple.

MillicentBystander

shell_girl wrote: »

We live together but have separate bank accounts. Money is 'ours'. We both have access to eachother's bank accounts and get paid at different points in the month. OH gets paid tomorrow, so over the last few days there's been a steady trickle of transfers into his account from mine. On the 29th and 30th when I'm about to get paid, there'll be the same thing going on from his account into mine. It would probably be a lot less hassle if we had a joint account, but we just haven't got around to it! We'll usually check with the other before moving money over in case there's something due to come out, eg a direct debit or something.

We split bills roughly 50/50, not each one down the middle, but I pay the mortgage and council tax on our house, and he pays the rent on our midweek flat. He covers car insurance, I cover water rates. We probably don't pay exactly the same on bills etc, but everything that's left is ours, so it doesn't really matter who's account the surplus (or deficit usually!!) is held in.

So why have separate accounts? It seems like a waste of time/resources to me.

lindsaygalaxy

I used to be in a relationship with someone like this, and it was a nightmare. He would also spend all his money and have to borrow it, buy things without saying first and expect me to find the money to give him half, and build up bug debts which then I would have to pay 'half' towards!

Now im with someone new, who looks after me and my 2 kids, and pays more towards looking after them than their own dad. We share all bills including childcare costs (even though they are not his kids), all presents, clothes etc costs. Whats left we share, but if we had a takeaway one of us would just pay, we wouldnt split is as it comes down to our money, as we are a family unit. We are young (and he is pretty young as younger than me).and I would never go back to how it was with the ex. He would give me his last penny, and I would for him. Its about respect and working towards our future.

If this guy wants to be with you and your daughter, he needs to step up and start this of us not him! I've been where you are, and he needs to change or get out! What happens if you had a child together and go on maternity pay, is he going to support you then? My ex refused and I was 'made' to go back to FT work soon to pay my 'half'!

Deep_In_Debt

I pay everything in the household since it's only me.