Who pays what in your house?

shellsuit

Oh God, I couldn't live like that!

When I was with the ex, he had some money come to him, not a lot, about a grand. We needed our back garden turfing or flagging because of the little one at the time. He gave me £30 towards it. Towards a garden for his own son.


Can't be doing with tight arrrses, either tell him to buck his ideas up and put his hand in his pocket or show him the door.

DogsBody

Our lad is more or less unemployable so I pay for everything. He is good at cleaning up after me, looking after my girls (canine) and cooking edible food. If there is any spare cash, I mostly let him have it - he needs his 'squanderage' to spend on tat and whatever, while I don't. He'd be getting the derriere velocite out the door if he started getting 'cheeky' about it though!

Charge yours bus fare for his trips from work, or buy him a nice hi-vis jacket and a torch for Christmas, the cheeky 'so-and-so'

MillicentBystander

LittleMissAspie wrote: »

He sounds very immature. I can't understand why anyone would want to rely on someone else financially. I don't personally agree with putting everything into a joint account as that wouldn't be fair on my boyfriend who earns more than me, I don't want to be subsidised.

But we have a joint account purely for bills and household costs, which we pay 50% each into. Spends for the house are of course discussed and comprised on as we both want a nice home. But with the rest of the money left in our own personal accounts we can do what we want with it. My boyfriend just spent £200 on a bike, it would be demeaning for him to have to ask me if he can have it.

So I would suggest a joint account for bills and a standing order from each personal account into it. If you can't trust him not to cancel the standing order or not to spend from that account on himself, then why would you stay with him?

Demeaning? Why would it be? It's not about yourself when you are married/living together, it's about a partnership and having respect for each other. Over the course of our 28 year marriage we have never ever bought anything for ourselves without discussing it first.

What would happen if you lost your job and couldn't find another one? Would he 'subsidise' you, as you inelegantly (IMO) put it?

hoogervaaner

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh God, I couldn't live like that!

When I was with the ex, he had some money come to him, not a lot, about a grand. We needed our back garden turfing or flagging because of the little one at the time. He gave me £30 towards it. Towards a garden for his own son.


Can't be doing with tight arrrses, either tell him to buck his ideas up and put his hand in his pocket or show him the door.

Sounds like my ex who used to take himself off on holiday 3 or 4 times a year yet refused to contribute to the cost of a sofa. He said if I wanted to pay for it fine but he would be happy to sit on the floor so it was my problem! :eek: Funny how he used it when it arrived though!

p00

We both put £700 a month into a 'bills account' which pays for everything. Whats left in there mounts up and pays for anything else we want/need. Anything else earned is our own to do what we like but as I earn slightly more and spend slightly less I wouldnt even have to think about paying spending money on a holiday or buying a carpet for instance if the money wasnt in the bill account, I just do it. Same from OH.

Its all give and take and if couples, married or not, are so miserable over the money aspect of their relationship I would wonder why they are even together anyway.

Maybe time apart to get things in perspective is in order.

mpet

mich13x wrote: »

OH and i share all money. We have a joint account that both our salaries are paid into and a joint savings account. Mostly i deal with all the money and pay bills etc and OH takes a backseat really, however like others have said for any major purchases we always discuss with each other before going ahead. Works well for us

Sounds just like me & DH. I earn more than him, but I wouldn't insist he contributes 50/50 for everything. It's a partnership after all. However, what works for some doesn't for others. If one partner is a bit of a spendthrift or a miser, then money becomes a real issue - unfortunately not sure what the answer is - if it is coming to bickering over the cost of deodorant - then it's likely to be an uphill struggle to reach a happy medium

MillicentBystander

mpet wrote: »

Sounds just like me & DH. I earn more than him, but I wouldn't insist he contributes 50/50 for everything. It's a partnership after all. However, what works for some doesn't for others. If one partner is a bit of a spendthrift or a miser, then money becomes a real issue - unfortunately not sure what the answer is - if it is coming to bickering over the cost of deodorant - then it's likely to be an uphill struggle to reach a happy medium

I think you've hit the nail on the head! Of the couples we know of who have separate accounts, every one of them contains one absolute and utter miser (mostly the man but there is one woman in there). I think that is where the problem lies. Personally, I could never have married anyone like that, no matter how 'in love' I thought I was :cool: It's a recipe for a lifetime of misery.

alexlyne

We used to pay 50/50 of all bills into a joint account. The OH wouldn't have it any other way even though she was earning less than me. Now we have a little boy, she contributes less and I more... she has just gone back to work part time. For us, this works absolutely fine. We both buy 'us' things out of our own accounts too. If it felt like we were living in a shared house rather than being in a relationship, then it really wouldn't work for either of us.
If he's not willing to listen to you about this, what else won't he be willing to listen to you about?

alexlyne

MillicentBystander wrote: »

I think you've hit the nail on the head! Of the couples we know of who have separate accounts, every one of them contains one absolute and utter miser (mostly the man but there is one woman in there). I think that is where the problem lies. Personally, I could never have married anyone like that, no matter how 'in love' I thought I was :cool: It's a recipe for a lifetime of misery.

It's not always the misers fault! If you had to share all your income with an OH earning less than you, and they're spending all their (and your) cash on clothes/shoes (I'm aiming towards a gender to redress the balance ), then you're gonna be a bit aggrieved! Gotta harmonise, discuss and be happy

threemuttleys

Oh and I are not married :eek:, but all our monies go into one account, and from that all bills are paid from it (mortgage, utilties, groceries, pet stuff, anything our baby needs, car stuff) and then whatever is left is ours do as we please.

he earns a lot more than I do (im on mat.leave) but any money that comes into this house (except gifts) is family money, and goes into the one pot