Who pays what in your house?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

sueeve wrote: »

If he never sits in it, and it is never used for the daughter (of both of you?) and it is never used to get to work so that you can contribute your bit to the family finances maybe he has a point.

I dont add anything to do with the car into the bills because its my car (he cant drive) but i do ferry him to work etc but he wont pay anything towards the car.

INT1 wrote: »

£1 per capsule, I pay about 27/28p a capsule and have have a Nespresso.

Sounds like someone is unhappy if he starts counting everything. The steam generator irons are brilliant aren't they

He's screwing me then lol he orders the nespresso!!!! I'm gonna check this! thanks for the info!

(and yes, steam generators are good)

shelley_crow wrote: »

I suggest that if he doesn't like paying his way then he knows where the front door is. A flat by himself would cost him considerably more.

I said this - It didnt go down too well lol

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

JodyBPM wrote: »

I think you just need to sit down and sort the money out better! It sounds a bit crazy with you loaning him money, him paying you certain amounts for this, that and the other!

If you are truely a partnership and a family, does it not just make more sense to work out how much the TOTAL cost of running the household is per month, and then see what is left for each of you to have for "spends". Keep the spends in your sole accounts, and transfer the rest monthly by direct debit (the day after payday, so it can't get spent!) into a joint account that is used for all living expenses.

I always find the I pay for this/you pay for that, passing £200 here, and £100 back there, a bit strange when you are a partnership? But I do think that each of you should have a small (the same) amount of personal spends that you can choose what to spend it on!

He doesnt want to pay towards anything thats "mine" - He only has a mobile phone bills that he pays for. So I'm left paying for everything to do with car and DD. I asked whether he was going to start on the food next after the toileteries lol I bet he would as well you know - "i dont eat cheese, im not paying for it" - lol next it's be "his and her" cupboards lol

runninglea wrote: »

I don't understand all this I pay for this bill, whilst you pay rent but this month bills are £50 for than rent therefore you owe me.

It is all very confusing and must lead to arguments, would a joint account where you bot put in a set amount not be better. If anything unforseen occurs then this can be paid out of this account.

I had a joint account with DD's dad and it caused so much trouble i swore i'd never go joint again.

balletshoes wrote: »

i think at least the car road tax and diesel/petrol costs need to go into your joint household bills pot, as having the car is benefiting your OH as well as you.

Tried this one - He said that he actually only uses it to go to work and that if i didnt take him he couldnt/wouldnt go (there is a bus he can catch at 7:30am - he starts work at 9am, but there isnt a bus back until 6:40 - he finishes work at 5)

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

runninglea wrote: »

I don't understand all this I pay for this bill, whilst you pay rent but this month bills are £50 for than rent therefore you owe me.

It is all very confusing and must lead to arguments, would a joint account where you bot put in a set amount not be better. If anything unforseen occurs then this can be paid out of this account.

I had a joint account with my ex (dd's dad) and swore i;d never do it again because of the aggro. all bills in my name, OH just transfers money when he's been paid

balletshoes wrote: »

i think at least the car road tax and diesel/petrol costs need to go into your joint household bills pot, as having the car is benefiting your OH as well as you.

He said it doesnt benefit him "you would go to tesco/asda anyway!" - only benefit he has is me taking him to work, he can catch a 7:30am bus which gets him to work at 8am (he starts at 9am) but on the way back, he finishes between 4:30 and 5pm and there isnt a bus till 6:40pm, he keeps threatening to walk it home (it's a fair walk)

MillicentBystander

I had a joint account with DD's dad and it caused so much trouble i swore i'd never go joint again.

Without wishing to be controversial, are you attracting the right sort of man? Non-Neanderthals DO still exist out there, you just need to probably cast your net a little wider.

jennikitten

balletshoes wrote: »

i think at least the car road tax and diesel/petrol costs need to go into your joint household bills pot, as having the car is benefiting your OH as well as you.

Can't you have a joint pot you both put £X per month into (for household bills which are fairly consistent, as opposed to one-offs like the wedding)? I think some people are bothered about handing money over, so if he's never had it in the first place because it goes into your joint account, he won't miss it & hopefully will help him to budget better.

I would also try to forget all the big purchases and who owes what arguments & start from scratch.

EDIT: Just read the last updates, scratch what I said! Not sure why it's a 'threat' to walk home though.

Errata

Sounds like he's both a miser and a spendthrift - not a good combination.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

ringo_24601 wrote: »

200 quid for an iron? What? My iron cost 25 quid 5 years ago and still does a great job Which is why i dont want to pay half lol I was quite happy using the other one, granted, it was broken, but was useable. When it had finally given in I would of got a much cheaper one!

I agree with sueeve - me and the wife don't really consider anything 'mine' or 'yours' .. we've both got separate savings and current accounts .. yet its all 'ours', we're just not organised enough to put it all in one place.

I pay for: mortgage, car payments, council tax, gas, electric, water, internet, phone, sky, my mobile phone, take-aways, my train pass

Wife pays for: petrol, food and groceries, toddlers clothes

But its not a strict division; i'll often buy petrol and pay the bill at the supermarket. I won't 'lend' my wife money, i'll give it her. We'll pay for holidays and presents out of our savings, but it doesn't really matter who's (unless it's from my 'save up for the cost of buying a house fund'.. that doesn't get touched). OH asks for money to go to darts, have beers, buy fags etc every week where as I rarely go out, dont smoke or drink so generally dont think i should "give" him the money esp when he doesnt budget for himself and i have more outgoings (does that make sense?)

Your OH sounds a bit rubbish with money though. Who buys an expensive coffee machine, doesn't ask their OH before buying it, then expects them to share the cost? wasnt living with me then lol am annoyed about the iron though - he seems to think i should pay half where as i disagree. Dont bloody use the damned thing either lol

I've tried to answer as many posts as i can - i'm sorry if i missed anyone. I think OH is annoyed that he has no money and I never get skint (i budget - been there counting pennys to buy milk in the past!) and when he talks to me about it, it comes across as him accusing (probably just the way im hearing it!)

He doesnt think he owes me the £255 and has asked me to prove it so i'll have to track all the stupid reciepts from tescos etc

I wonder if i can return his xmas pressies!

Tigsteroonie

Let him catch the bus to/from work. If he needs to go and buy something for himself, he can do that by bus, too.

*sheesh* (shakes head in despair)

I drive, Marley doesn't (yet). The car is in my name. But he's never once suggested that I fund the fuel/road tax/insurance/bills entirely from my money. He even does all the minor maintenance on the car, and de-ices it for me in the winter. He understands that the car benefits the entire family, not just me.

I agree with the suggestion of a third "shared" bank account into which you both pay money, and from which all bills (including car) get paid.

If he wants to keep his money separate, and only pay for things he uses .... as someone else said, he can get his own flat.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

MillicentBystander wrote: »

Without wishing to be controversial, are you attracting the right sort of man? Non-Neanderthals DO still exist out there, you just need to probably cast your net a little wider.

lol no clearly me and ex was great until last year of our relationship and he got into a lot of debt, because we had joint account im financially linked and it affected my credit score. was a hassle trying to get a new bank account (they only allowed a standard one with no chq) when i needed a chq account to pay DD's nursery fee's - then ex refused to have my name taken off account so had to freeze the whole thing - lots of aggro.

jennikitten wrote: »

Can't you have a joint pot you both put £X per month into (for household bills which are fairly consistent, as opposed to one-offs like the wedding)? I think some people are bothered about handing money over, so if he's never had it in the first place because it goes into your joint account, he won't miss it & hopefully will help him to budget better.

I would also try to forget all the big purchases and who owes what arguments & start from scratch.

EDIT: Just read the last updates, scratch what I said! Not sure why it's a 'threat' to walk home though.

hm not a "threat" - was wrong wording (sorry!) he plays on my soft side - i dont like the idea of him walking home on a national speed limit road with no pavement in the dark and the rain/snow

Errata wrote: »

Sounds like he's both a miser and a spendthrift - not a good combination.

is it bad I had to google "spend thrift" lol

MX5huggy

What is his previous experience regarding living with other people? seems like he may have only been living with Mum and Dad before.