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Who pays what in your house?
Comments
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In good times my boyfriend and I earn pretty similiar money and we do treat it as our individual money. Unfortunately at the moment he has very little work on and is earning a lot less than me. To my mind, if you don't love someone enough to share your last fiver with them, then you don't love them enough, and that has to work both ways.
Unless this seems like a temporary blip, and I get the impression he hasn't been living with you that long if he bought the coffee machine before he moved in, I would be looking at moving on.
If it's a matter of balancing expectations, then talk about it and see how he feels and what he wants, then see how this fits in with your wants and feelings. Could it be that he is especially worried about money at the moment, redundancies or other problems at work, for instance?
I have to say the toiletries I buy I would never expect a man to undewrstand and it might be better, even though in practise similiar if you paid for those and he paid for some petrol.0 -
ringo_24601 wrote: »This is where is see the big distinction between married couples and 'boyfriends and girlfriends living together'... i earn double my wife's income, but would never consider spending 200 quid on something without telling her (tell, not ask) first. We can easily afford it, but since it's both 'our' money, we have a mutual respect of not spending one another's money without letting them know.
Only exception tends to be birthday presentsMillicentBystander wrote: »Demeaning? Why would it be? It's not about yourself when you are married/living together, it's about a partnership and having respect for each other. Over the course of our 28 year marriage we have never ever bought anything for ourselves without discussing it first.
What would happen if you lost your job and couldn't find another one? Would he 'subsidise' you, as you inelegantly (IMO) put it?
If either of us lost our jobs then we would pay for all the bills until we were back in work, then we would go back to sharing the bills. And yes I do see it as being subsidised.
I know a lot of people do it differently, I'm not telling anyone that they should stop and do it my way.0 -
I wouldn't be happy with your situation. DH has always earned more than me and we've always pooled our money in the joint account and have the same spending money. He has always earned at least double what I have done. I am now a SAHM and DH pays for everything, he is very generous and again we both have the same amount of spending money from his wages once all the bills are paid. Show him the door hun x0
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My OH earns more than me, but in the past I've earnt more than him... regardless we have always had our salaries paid into our joint acc, the bills come out..... and then we have a standing order set up to both our personal account as our "pockety money" We both always get the same amount of "pocket money" as it is irrelevent who earns what, we are both equal in our relationship, bringing up our children etc. We could never see why one person should have less money at home due to what they did for work. "pocket money" pays for entertainment, luxury items and gifts.
Personally I think he is taking the pI$$, and would probably tell him to take a hike. Failing that can you teach him how to budget and share and generally play like a nice boy?Back on the MFW Wagon!
MFW 2011 #195 OP £2500/£400/£9052:j0 -
it seems like your oh has to grow up and become a man and budget.
and personally the way i would work it - well do work it lol is we put all our money in an account and spend what we need. none of this that mine thats his.
i earn double what my dh earns and i have no issue with that
its how we work and never have any problems
if any of us want to buy anything big we either discuss it then get it or get it then discuss if we need it. we share it all
all the bills
my dh also does not drive but i do so its only fair that we split it all as in his wages cover rac, tax, petrol etc so it all goes in one account:A VK :A0 -
I totally disagree that you should pool both of your incomes, it works for some couples but if he's crap with money, cant make it to the end of the month without getting in debt - then you don't need him to spend all the household bill money on the 1st of the month on another fancy new gadget. He will also resent you for telling him he can't have said fancy new gadget.
I think that come payday he should transfer X amount to either your account or a joint account that he doesnt have a debit card for - that amount should cover all joint household bills including groceries and your petrol money for taking him to work. Make it clear that you wont be contributing towards £200 irons etc unless he clears it with you first.Snootchie Bootchies!0 -
What would I do in the OP's place? If I really wanted this relationship to continue (and in her circs I certainly would not) I'd pay the stingy miser his blessed £100 for the iron, get all of the grocery receipts out, deduct anything that was "personal" like the toiletries and ask him for half.
Then I'd work out a sensible weekly or monthly budget based on all of the actual costs for everything in the household, add in a reasonable amount for his lifts to and from work and then demand that this sum is paid into my account by standing order. AND NOT ANOTHER CASH LOAN EVER TO GO TO THE PUB OR BUY FAGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!
I understand completely the reluctance to get a joint bank account with this selfish loser. He'd be paying much more to live independently and any future landlord certainly wouldn't be happy waiting to be paid or lend him a fiver to go to the darts.
I quite honestly think you should give this a-hole his marching orders and soon, too.0 -
LittleMissAspie wrote: »I know a lot of people do it differently, I'm not telling anyone that they should stop and do it my way.
I'm with you on this. I get so uncomfortable when people say that 'real families' would have joint money only and no separate accounts. I don't see that it matters as long as both people in the relationship are happy. My OH and I have a joint account and separate accounts. We're both happy with the arrangement. Is our marriage any less real because of it? Course not.
OP, your man sounds like a pr!t. I would be giving him a very serious talking to and no more loans.0 -
I would be uncomfortable with this man OP because of his reluctance to help out financially.
I would also be uncomfortable structuring finances in a 'mine' and 'yours' set up. My husband wanted us to buy a house and join our finances while we were just dating but I said no way until we were married. In fact, I didn't even move in with him until we were married as I think it leads to too many problems.
When we got married we got a joint account, his full time pay goes in, along with my part time pay. Previously I was a stay at home mum and my husband paid for everything. I think that discontent can easily breed if at first you start off paying things equally, but then the woman takes time off work to bring up children and all of a sudden the man has less money for himself.0 -
My husband and I have been together 41 years, married almost 40 years, and we have always just pooled everything we had.
Even when our kids were little and I stayed home with them, he worked and his wage was paid into the bank and I just got out whatever I needed and so did he. I did all the food shopping and the bills were paid out of the bank account.
It's worked for us.0
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