Sharing chores...

Kate78

JodyBPM wrote: »

In 2010 do people really still think of woman as second class citizens that should run themselves into the ground so that their husbands can put their feet up?

Actually I think many people (male and female) do think this way whether they realise it or not.

Sad but true

tiamai_d

Kate78 wrote: »

Actually I think many people (male and female) do think this way whether they realise it or not.

Sad but true

Reading some of the stuff on here I agree with that.

lauren_1

JodyBPM wrote: »

But what about when I do a full-time day at work, which I do, along with a commute 2 days a week. Should I just put my feet up when I get home as well, leaving the (4 &5yr old) children to feed themselves, make their own packed lunches, tidy the house, feed the cats, run the hoover round, sort out the washing etc?

Or is it one rule for men, and another for women? Or is my job seen as not as important as DH's, despite the fact I earn a higher salary (pro-rata) and have more responsibilty than him?

To put it in perspective, its making packed lunches, which takes all of 15 minutes!

So 2 out of the 5 nights he has to make sandwiches, we've BOTH been at work. 1 is Sunday night, where we've BOTH been at home, and 2 are nights where he has been at work, but I have been at home. When I am at home, I am on the go from 6.55 am until around 8.30pm. Granted, some of the time is spent doing fun things like reading with the children, doing crafts with them, baking etc, but still I am busy, busy, on the go with often no more than 5 mins to myself for a quick sandwich the whole time. I'm not sat on my bottom in front of Jeremy Kyle. That's compared to DH's hour commute in the morning (seated, watching DVDs on his personal DVD player on the train, FULL HOUR for lunch, plus another hour commute watching DVDs and a mere 7 hours at work!

I can't believe how many people have such outdated views which completely devalue women! I'm so glad that my DH isn't like that!

You only work 2 days a week, there are 5 other days in the week :eek:

Maybe you should put your feet up when you get home and save the hoovering etc etc for a non work day, and why is cooking for your children and making their lunches a chore?

Johnny_Barnes10

Kate78 wrote: »

Actually I think many people (male and female) do think this way whether they realise it or not.

Sad but true

I think the person who goes out to work more, should do less in the house. Male or female.

elisebutt65

lauren_1 wrote: »

You only work 2 days a week, there are 5 other days in the week :eek:

Maybe you should put your feet up when you get home and save the hoovering etc etc for a non work day, and why is cooking for your children and making their lunches a chore?

To me cooking is a real chore!! I hate it especially when I've got dinner on the table and the ungrateful gets moan about it!!

I'm a single mum, working 4 days a week, plus heaps of marking and planning that has to be doe after kids have gone Yo bed and this is one of the main reasons they have school lunches now - I HATE making packed lunches.

I also pay the kids £1 a job now, rather than 'pocket money'. Thet are 15 and 10, so vacuuming, dusting, recycling, washing up and mopping floors get paid for! I still do laundry & cooking (blehh)

Reading the list of chores your OH does, he comes off very lightly! Sitting on a train for 2 hours a day is NOT working! I'd get him doing the dishes as well at a minimum.

lauren_1

elisebutt65 wrote: »

To me cooking is a real chore!! I hate it especially when I've got dinner on the table and the ungrateful gets moan about it!!

I'm a single mum, working 4 days a week, plus heaps of marking and planning that has to be doe after kids have gone Yo bed and this is one of the main reasons they have school lunches now - I HATE making packed lunches.

I also pay the kids £1 a job now, rather than 'pocket money'. Thet are 15 and 10, so vacuuming, dusting, recycling, washing up and mopping floors get paid for! I still do laundry & cooking (blehh)

Reading the list of chores your OH does, he comes off very lightly! Sitting on a train for 2 hours a day is NOT working! I'd get him doing the dishes as well at a minimum.

The OH you are on about isn't my OH.

Soubrette

JodyBPM wrote: »

why should I do 100% of the housework PLUS 28.6% of the wage earning hours, leaving him to do 0% of the housework and 71.4% of the wage earning hours? Hardly fair is it? Trust me, if he was to do 28.6% of the housework it would be MUCH, MUCH more than making a set of pack-ups!

I think of it more in terms of hours needing work.

I work 20 hours and my OH probably does about 60 a week (mostly homebased though).

My housework is pitiful compared to yours (I'm envious ) so it more than gets done in the 40 hours difference in 'working' hours (although I do batch cooking, cross stitch christmas cards etc but I don't count that as housework because I love doing it).

When we both worked part time (same hours) we shared the housework 50/50 but now all I really want my husband to do is cook some meals a couple of times a week and that's basically because he's a better cook than me . Oh and he likes to come shopping with me - don't ask me why . I also expect my girls to put in a bit of effort now they're older too so they take a job a day.

If both of us agreed that housework was a top priority and that it would take 60 hours a week to have the house how we both liked it - then I would expect him to pitch in to the tune to 10 hours so we were both putting in equal amounts of time.

euronorris

I'm shocked to hear that he's moaning about making packed lunches. Crikey! Is that all?

I think he's gotten off lightly. If he complains he's doing too much, maybe ask him what he thinks would be fair and why. And then you do the same. Hopefully, you can meet somewhere in the middle. It seems like neither of you understands where the other is coming from at the moment and maybe you've missed something that is really the reason for his moaning, or he's not realised just how much you already do. If you can better understand each other you should be able to move forward from this more easily.

Or, like you said, maybe just because it's been busier recently he's tired and wants a moan, but doesn't really want or even expect anything to change. He just wants to get it off his chest.

Newly_retired

I notice neither of you seems to have anything to go out to in the evening. eg committee meeting for PSA, drama group, choir, evening class, night out with friends or even, dare I say it, together? Are you in a babysitting circle? That would get you out of the house, to put your feet up on someoneelse's sofa- LOL! And therby earn you some tokens to go out yourselves. Sounds like you need some together time.

londoner1998

JodyBPM wrote: »

I am organised - hyper organised to be honest, and my house is spotless despite have two small children, and I would like to keep it that way. I don't think I could be more organised if I tried!

I would NOT feed the children nuggets and chips as an evening meal:eek:. They have pack ups at lunchtime, so in the evening they need a proper cooked meal,with fresh veg etc, not processed carp overloaded with salt! They are only 4 and 5, enough time for them to eat rubbish when they're teenagers, but not at this age!

I organise my time so that I am free of washing and much housework over the weekend so that we can spend quality family time together. Maybe, as a woman, I should sacrifice my weekends to ensure that DH doesn't have to spend 10 minutes a day making pack-ups!

I do a LOT, LOT more than most woman do, I keep a spotless house, I cook good quality healthy food all from scratch, I spend a lot of time interacting with my children, playing with them, reading with them, I help out with the school community and I work (albeit part-time) in a responsible job which contributes significantly to the family finances. And yet some people seem to think that I am lazy or disorganised just because I ask my husband to make the packed lunches! Good Grief!

I have at no point said that I don't recognise that I am fortunate to work part time, or have I said that I can't find time to make the packed lunches if I wanted to. My point was that I felt that since I do the housekeeping AND work that DH should do some (very minimal) chores in the house too. Ie we both share the housework and we both share the wage earning. Not 50/50 obviously as I don't work as many hours as him, but why should I do 100% of the housework PLUS 28.6% of the wage earning hours, leaving him to do 0% of the housework and 71.4% of the wage earning hours? Hardly fair is it? Trust me, if he was to do 28.6% of the housework it would be MUCH, MUCH more than making a set of pack-ups!

In 2010 do people really still think of woman as second class citizens that should run themselves into the ground so that their husbands can put their feet up?

OOP- I do feel for you...
I don't have children, and I very often struggle to do it all and stay on top. So I have enormous respect for working mothers.

I understand where you are coming from- my OH used to be terrible at helping with the house chores- it has improved, but very often the way he expresses it is 'I do all this for you'... and when I think about it, I find it funny- should I give him an ovation? An applause ? A Medal? Should I feel grateful for him to clean after himself when I cook all the meals, clean, keep the house tidy (he is hoplessly disorganised), do all the admin and finances in the house (and save a small fortune in the process), work full time, work on my second masters degree long distance and keep his daughter entertained when he works weekends? The answer is 'NO'. He is just doing what he woudl do anyway if he lived by himself, only much less of it.
Don't get me wrong, I think I am lucky, he is wonderulf in many many ways, but it has taken an awful long time (7 years and counting) to get him 'trained' to do these things as a routine. And I still have to ask. Many men have lived like little princes. And often women are our own worst enemy.
We shouldn't have to be 'grateful' for men doing something around the house. The way I see it, our partners are as responsible as we are and as a team of two (or more) people, they are responsible for their share of it. We shouldn't have to ask. But I am afraid many times this is a case of upbringing and maturity and often these go mismatched. As well as the fact that I think partners often don't care that much about how clean and tidy is the house, for a wide variety of reasons.
I would say, OP- don't be so hard on yourself- you are not a less of a better person or mum if one week things slip a bit... let it go and see what happens... probably not much- then one day you can catch up and do it in earnest again. And make your life easy. I agree, home made bread is great, but not so good if your health and mood are going to suffer through stress. Supermarket brand one in a while will not kills them!
Please do spend some time by yourslef doing something you like (my tuesday yoga class is sacrosanct- no studies, work or social commitments get in the way of that) and some time with your husband- the hoover is not going anywhere... :-))