Sharing chores...

sassyblue

supa-girl wrote: »

Wow, some of these posts are harsh! :eek:

We don't have set chores, we just do what needs to be done between us until it is done.

Seriously thouh, why should the OP do EVERYTHING in the home? Isn't a marriage a partnership? Shouldn't both parties be happy?

Exactly! When my OH helps me l'm amazed at how much quicker things can be done.

As for the harsh posts, ignore all the sanctimonious ones like the baking one above your post, sometimes this board is just a question of people thinking 'l'm a better mother than you' .

jamespir

id be pretty peeved if i came home to find my misuss sat on her backside watching tele while there was work to do my first question would be how she got free from the cooker

JodyBPM

I'm glad my DH isn't like some of the people who have been replying! Had a chat with him last night - he's fine with doing what he does, just finds the pack ups a boring job, and gets grumpy because he forgets about them and then has to do it just when he wants to head of to bed! I think (probably because I also have a lot on at the moment, too, and am feeling a bit under pressure) I was just assuming that him being grumpy about it meant that he thought I should be doing it, which isn't the case:)

I love the logic that some people have that DH should do nothing during the week because he's been at work all day - what happens on the days when I have been at work all day too? If you extend the rule to me as well, then who cooks dinner, tidies up after dinner, baths the children, feeds the cats, makes the beds, tidies the house etc on the days I work? Or is it only men who are exempt from doing any housework if they've been at work all day?

Don't get me wrong, if I was sitting down watching the telly all day, and then expecting DH to do the chores when he got home from work, that would be awful and very unfair. BUT, if you want to keep a nice house, spend time with the children and bring them up properly, and stay on top of everything, then its hard work, and everyone has to pull their weight.

jamespir

JodyBPM wrote: »

I'm glad my DH isn't like some of the people who have been replying! Had a chat with him last night - he's fine with doing what he does, just finds the pack ups a boring job, and gets grumpy because he forgets about them and then has to do it just when he wants to head of to bed! I think (probably because I also have a lot on at the moment, too, and am feeling a bit under pressure) I was just assuming that him being grumpy about it meant that he thought I should be doing it, which isn't the case:)

I love the logic that some people have that DH should do nothing during the week because he's been at work all day - what happens on the days when I have been at work all day too? If you extend the rule to me as well, then who cooks dinner, tidies up after dinner, baths the children, feeds the cats, makes the beds, tidies the house etc on the days I work? Or is it only men who are exempt from doing any housework if they've been at work all day?

Don't get me wrong, if I was sitting down watching the telly all day, and then expecting DH to do the chores when he got home from work, that would be awful and very unfair. BUT, if you want to keep a nice house, spend time with the children and bring them up properly, and stay on top of everything, then its hard work, and everyone has to pull their weight.

men should be exempt yes thats what women are for :rotfl:


a womens place is in the
home and when theyn realise that theyd be less divorces break ups and everything


thats why people of my grandparents age havent divorced

mpet

Perhaps it's the fact that its 'his & hers' chores. Perhaps there needs to be a bit more flexibility.

I would get a bit fed up if for example, I was always expected to the do the same chores. Surely there should be some give and take.

If for example DH has had a long day/ bad commute whatever, would it really be a problem if for that 1 evening, he didn't make the sandwiches/bath the littluns. In reverse, if you were feeling a bit poorly and didn't have time to hoover/put a load of washing in etc, he should do it when he gets home.

jackieglasgow

James you are a wind up merchant. People our grandparents age dont tend to divorce as they still has a misconceived notion that no matter what, marriage is for life, and they (especially the women) tend to put up with a lot of nonsense abuse and bad behaviour on the part of their partners. Not all, but many! And a lot of them have divorced - my grandmother was married twice as an example. I am a great believer in marriage, and for me marriage was for life, but if my partner was behaving unnacceptably towards me and the situation couldn't be resolved, I would have no hesitation in ending the relationship. Not taking equal share in the housework does not come into that category.

jamespir

mpet wrote: »

Perhaps it's the fact that its 'his & hers' chores. Perhaps there needs to be a bit more flexibility.

I would get a bit fed up if for example, I was always expected to the do the same chores. Surely there should be some give and take.

If for example DH has had a long day/ bad commute whatever, would it really be a problem if for that 1 evening, he didn't make the sandwiches/bath the littluns. In reverse, if you were feeling a bit poorly and didn't have time to hoover/put a load of washing in etc, he should do it when he gets home.

i agree :T

jamespir

jackieglasgow wrote: »

James you are a wind up merchant. People our grandparents age dont tend to divorce as they still has a misconceived notion that no matter what, marriage is for life, and they (especially the women) tend to put up with a lot of nonsense abuse and bad behaviour on the part of their partners. Not all, but many! And a lot of them have divorced - my grandmother was married twice as an example. I am a great believer in marriage, and for me marriage was for life, but if my partner was behaving unnacceptably towards me and the situation couldn't be resolved, I would have no hesitation in ending the relationship. Not taking equal share in the housework does not come into that category.

thats utter crap my grandfather isnt abusive or bad but grandma knows her role so does he

in fact he now tends to doe everyhting as the poor girl has dementia and alzehimers

JodyBPM

mpet wrote: »

Perhaps it's the fact that its 'his & hers' chores. Perhaps there needs to be a bit more flexibility.

I would get a bit fed up if for example, I was always expected to the do the same chores. Surely there should be some give and take.

If for example DH has had a long day/ bad commute whatever, would it really be a problem if for that 1 evening, he didn't make the sandwiches/bath the littluns. In reverse, if you were feeling a bit poorly and didn't have time to hoover/put a load of washing in etc, he should do it when he gets home.

Although we do have "his" and "hers" chores, we do help each other out when necessary - we are a partnership, after all! Generally, though, I'm pretty happy pottering around doing all the housework, so the only times DH is likely to have to help out is if I am sick! I also try to do all the housework during my days off, so that there isn't much to do at the weekend, so we spend quality family time together.

My issue was that we generally both sit down together from 8.30/9ish, and then at about 10 he starts huffing and puffing about the fact that he's got the lunches to make. Every night for about the last two weeks. Yes, I could do it for him - but why should I take that chore on to? As I said, anyway, we've had a chat, and its all fine - he's just letting off steam, and isn't expecting me to do it -I'm just probably a bit sensitive at the moment as I've had a lot to do with all the Xmas stuff too!

no-oneknowsme

My Husband is self employed , he works 4/5 days per week.

I on the other hand work 5 days per week but only part time (4 hours per day).

I wouldnt dream of having my Husband come home after working all day to stand making packed lunches etc !

Many people will disagree with what i am saying but for us and our household it works !

I am at home every morning as i work afternoons and i am at home all weekend every weekend.

I am a stickler for having things tidy around the home and even if i do say so myself , i am a very organised person where my home and family is concerned !

We have three children although they are not babies or toddlers any more ,they are at the stage where they can all occupy themselves.

My Husband is a gem , if i need him then he is there ! He has plenty of time to help if and when i need it but to be honest im happier doing it "my way" .

If for example i am busy helping one of the kids with a homework or something else i can yell to Husband "i need you to finish the dinner/ironing/hoovering/washing/lunches off for me" and he will be straight there doing it.

Other than that i just do what i need to do in the morning time whilst he is at work and the kids are at school. If however there is somrthing which needs done and he see's it , my Husband will go ahead and do it .

Apart from dinner and then the dishes which are over and done with by 6.30 at the latest , our evenings are free to sit down and relax together because all the chores have been done by me in the morning time. This , i find is the best and easiest way for us.