Sharing chores...

JodyBPM

minerva_windsong wrote: »

As a random question, can I ask why you have to plait your daughter's hair? Can't it just be tied back? That would save at least five minutes.

I plait dds hair because its bum length, and it stays tidier that way!

The other suggestion would be that if all your stuff is done during the day, can you do some of your OH's jobs for him? That might seem like defeating the object, but it means that it gets done how you want it and he has less to do. Also could you take over a couple of his weekend jobs, like the ironing? As part of me is wondering whether this is code for wanting to spend more time with his children, as he seems to only spend time with them in a practical context...

I'm taking your last point on board, and will have a chat with dh later, rather than just getting grumpy with him, and telling him to stop moaning!

chorlton

All sounds fairly familiar! (except my wife works 3 days a week.)

If i am reading correctly your hubby gets home pretty much to dinner on the table, then its straight into bath and bedtime routines. So he has no choice but to do chores after the kids are in bed.
Maybe thats why he gets fed up... because he has little/no scope to decide when he does his share, whereas you are self scheduling

I know that in our house once the kids are settled we both just want to throw any major debris in to the toy box, flop down on the sofa and chill out. Both of us only do chores after bed time if things are really out of kilter!!

Can you work out a different routine? Bath the kids less frequently? have dinner a bit later.. share out jobs on an ad hoc basis and agree that you are both going to pull together on weeknights and work as a team to make it your shared goal to be on the sofa together by x o'clock?

Counting_Pennies_2

birduk wrote: »

Can I get this right here? Between you, you have 5 days to get the chores done and you don't manage it? What kind of blooming chores do you have? I live on my own with two cats and I am lucky if I get one full day of housework done in a month! ?

Add children into the mix and it adds a whole new story.

What a lot of full time working mums don't realise is that very minimal housework is created if the whole family are out all day. On days my children are out at school and preschool and go to play in the evenings I have very little to do in the house, other than the usual turn around of washing and a meal.

When children are in the house, a whole load of housework is required every day.

I think judgements are coming in a bit too strongly on this thread, the poor woman is doing quite a bit.

heretolearn_2

Phew, you both sound overstressed, overworked and fed up.

...but my sympathies are sneaking towards your husband....

your schedule is self-inflicted, his isn't. You choose to be obessesive (your own words) about cleaning and do so much of it during the day. That's why you still have chores to do in the afternoon. If you had a more 'usual' (I don't want to say normal) approach to housework, then you'd easily get everything done in your three days off work. Easily. Unless you live in a mansion. So really...it's your choice to have so much to do. If it makes you happy to do so much housework, great, but it seems that now it isn't making your marriage very happy. Perhaps you could mop the floors only once a week instead of every day, no-one'll die, promise, and then you could have more time during the day to do the school uniform ironing, for example. Or only hoover every other day. Or say 'sod it' once the kids are in bed and ignore any crumbs on the floor etc till the next day. At the moment it sounds as if each room gets cleaned quite thoroughly twice a day. Most houses are lucky if the rooms are cleaned thoroughly twice a week! Then you'd have time to do the washing etc - stuff that HAS to be done - during the day.

You are setting your own standards here. That's ok. But you might want to ease off a bit?...

I don't think it's fair for someone who works full-time to do morning/evening chores when there's someone else at home 3 days a week. I wouldn't accept it, myself. If someone wants to be obsessive, fine, but don't drag me into it, that's my attitude.

I on't tink he can count bathing the kids and putting them to bed as a chore...it's spending time with them! On the other hand, you don't get to count eating your dinner as one of your chores either, lol.

To be honest if this has worked ok to now for you both, I wonder if it's the Xmas loft stuff that's been the straw to break the camels back. You say he is up and down the loft with decorations and presents. That's a total pain in the butt after a day's work. Why so many trips? Once up to get the decorations, once after Christmas to take them back. Do presents really have to go up there at all? Can't you hide your kids' stuff somewhere else (top of kitchen cupboards, under your bed?). There's no need for other presents to be hidden away.

Oh - and at 4 and 5 your kids could learn to play unsupervised more. You shouldn't have to be giving them constant attention at that age. Unless they are literally strangling each other let them get on with it.

JodyBPM

I thought I'd be nice, and make the packed lunches ready for the children tomorrow, but just remembered that they're having their school Christmas lunch tomorrow, so they don't need pack ups! I will make DH's though! He's actually at work late tonight because of the work xmas do, so I guess he will appreciate it!

To be honest, I do know that my standards re housework are rather higher than most peoples, but I do try to bear the brunt of that myself - I don't expect DH to hoover/mop/sweep daily (or more!). All he has to do on a daily basis is the lunches and getting the children up in the morning. The other jobs are more occasional, once or maybe twice a week.

I guess I do feel that DH should contribute something to the running of the house, since I work part time. If I didn't work at all, I probably would expect to do it all myself!

Does everyone else feel that DH should be completely free of housework because I work part-time? I'm fairly suprised by that!

Deep down I do know that DH does appreciate how much I do, because we talked about what I should do in the summer as our youngest was starting school in Sept, and he categorically stated that he didn't want me to work more because I do such a good job of running the house on my days off. I wonder if he slightly resents the fact that my life has become much easier since September, and yet his is still largely the same?

ETA: yes the toys do have to go in the loft - we have no space anywhere else to put them!

heretolearn_2

'Does everyone else feel that DH should be completely free of housework because I work part-time? I'm fairly suprised by that!'

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's what works for you both that matters.

But for me, no, if someone was at home 3 days a week, I wouldn't be doing weekday chores. Or vice-versa if I were at home. Although you aren't asking your OH to do a share of your rather rigorous housework routine, it is effecting him, as he would'nt need to do weekday chores if you weren't doing so much other stuff during the day.

A share of the weekend stuff is still entirely reasonable though!

Just a thought - it's early for the kids to be getting up. And I HATE doing stuff after dinner/kids in the evening. So how about a little re-arrange...you get the kids up later in the morning - 7am? - and sort them out with breakfast etc. He then spends 10 minutes in peace and quiet doing the packed lunches early when he gets up. Kids get more sleep..chores all get done...he isn't hassled in mornings/evenings when he's in 'work-mode' and you could surely change one little thing to squeeze in time for a bowl of cereal?

January20

JodyBPM wrote: »

Does everyone else feel that DH should be completely free of housework because I work part-time? I'm fairly suprised by that!

!

I don't!

If you were a sahm and your husband the sole breadwinner, I would expect you to do all the chores.

As you work 2 days and you earn a good chunk of the household income, I believe he loses the privilege of coming home and putting his feet up 100% of the time!

I don't think he has much to do either.

thorsoak

Make all the packed lunches in one go - put them in the freezer, then just take them out each day.

I used to do this for 4 children - once you get a "production line" going - it doesn't take too long!

sassyblue

Do you know what OP you're lucky!!

My hubby puts our little one to bed twice a week (l've already bathed him though), l do the housework, cook tea mostly clean up afterwards (occasionally he does though), wash, iron, sort out bills, and other day to day stuff.... l shop for christmas presents, wrap them etc. and my hubby thinks he's hard done by!! If l ask for help (as l work 5 days a week in school hours) he rolls his eyes or sighs. If l ask him to do a spot of DIY though he's there with tools within two minutes, l'm at a complete loss as to why he won't help me more, nor why he's like this.

He is helping me at the moment but only because l've threatened him with divorce (again) but within a few days he'll be a lazy pig again.

I don't want to divorce but????

onetomany

your doing a great job op, i work 16 hours a week but because i dont get travel time etc its more like 25(im a home carer) part of my job is light housework, my hubby works full time and on his day of he just watches tv etc unless i ask him to sweep floor or put washing on etc (which he doses if i rember to ask him) he works shifts so sometimes i feel qulty as i do go bed early and both my boys are in school full time , but my job is kind of in and out morning /lunchtime calls etc good luck op maybe after xmas will relieve some of the pressure and dont feel u have to agree to xmas stuff at school