Sharing chores...

JodyBPM

Kittendreich wrote: »

I'd agree that 3 nearly full days is loads to keep on top of things - pop over to the thread on full-time working mums and be glad of the time you have. Of course your hubby should help out, but you have 15 hours a week to egt stuff done that is better done without the kids and then time with them for stuff they can help with.

You get to spend lots of time with your kids (which I assume is funded by your hubby working full-time) actually I have a better paid job than him and bring home nearly half the family income despite only working two days and have plenty of time to get all the basics done. I would see making chutney and home baking etc as a luxury/hobby - and I would be annoyed slogging my guts out at work as the 'breadwinner' to have my partner exhausted and expecting me to do essential chores as they have been baking all day (despite how lovely the cakes are!). I don't bake ALL day, but I do some most days, for the whole family. Healthier, saves money and nicer, whilst I enjoy it, I also see it as a contribution to running the family I don't mean to sound harsh and you will be working hard - but spending time raising your children is a privilidge lots of people (sadly) don't have so I wouldn't rank it the same as working just for money.QUOTE]
I agree that working part time is a priviledge, and one I enjoy, but surely my DH should help out - I don't think he has a whole load to do?

Mojisola

JodyBPM wrote: »

but surely my DH should help out - I don't think he has a whole load to do?

You're right but it probably does feel unfair from his position. Housework is often invisible. Unless you see someone do it or it gets left undone, it doesn't show up.

Can you rearrange things so that you're doing some jobs at the same time as he is doing his?

Bennifred

Let him grouse! I think you have a pretty good balance, and if he can't see that you just manage your time better than he does - ask him which jobs he'd like to swap with you......

birduk

Can I get this right here? Between you, you have 5 days to get the chores done and you don't manage it? What kind of blooming chores do you have? I live on my own with two cats and I am lucky if I get one full day of housework done in a month! You might think that means I am not houseproud, but my goodness woman, it sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill! Maybe you need to reduce your need to be like Kim and Aggie? You have made a massive list of your supposed 'chores' most of which won't need to be done every day!

It sounds like the baking might be a bone of contention too. If you have all day to bake and thus make the mess then you can clear up after yourself. Your hubby probably has no idea how much time and effort this all takes and probably doesn't care either! He knows he can get it in five minutes down at the supermarket. You think you have been doing 'chores' all day, when in fact you have been indulging your hobby.

You seemed to have listed his 'chores' as practically nothing. So what exactly does he have to do of an evening? Packed lunches take 10 minutes at most. I don't really understand why he would be upset about this? It seems to me that you are not giving us the whole story?

Kittendreich

I didn't mean to imply you bake all day - but it is something I would expect to do after the basics have been done. Of course your hubby should share tasks, but as he has to work longer to earn the same then it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to shoulder more of the tasks at home.

As pointed out he might not appreciate all that you do during the day & therefore might be annoyed at having to do 'chores' when you are relaxing if he thinks you could have done them during the day i.e. might not realise just how much cleaning you do to keep your home spotless. By the sounds of it you have very high standards which might not match his - particularly if he is stressed? If you think it is a problem..talk to him about it and if he is stressed perhaps relax your expectations for a while so that you can all take the strain off a bit? Perhaps change what you do expect him to do so that you can sit down together at the end of the day?

Everyone on here will have a different opinion of what they think is reasonable, but for you the only issue should be that you suspect your hubby doesn't think it is reasonable and that is what you have to resolve.

[Deleted User]

When did reading with the kids become a chore?

I guess my chores are:
* Ironing my work shirts
* Looking after the toddler when the OH (Bathing/feeding ect)\
* Waking up toddler and feeding every day
* Taking bins out
* Paying the cleaner.. (who hovers/tidies/cleans)
* odd jobs and DIY
* Making OH cups of tea
* Cooking (we split it about 50/50)
* Washing up (usually split 50/50)
* Manage finances and all bills

My wife cooks, looks after the toddler when i'm working (and when we're both off we split it), does some extra cleaning when needed, does all the laundry and does some washing up

If your bloke is failing to do his jobs.. erm, nag him. Tell him he's not doing them. Ok, don't nag him, but ask him nicely if he can take the bins out. He might just not care as much as you about them going out.

JodyBPM

birduk wrote: »

Can I get this right here? Between you, you have 5 days to get the chores done and you don't manage it? What kind of blooming chores do you have? I live on my own with two cats and I am lucky if I get one full day of housework done in a month! You might think that means I am not houseproud, but my goodness woman, it sounds like you are making a mountain out of a molehill! Maybe you need to reduce your need to be like Kim and Aggie? You have made a massive list of your supposed 'chores' most of which won't need to be done every day!

It sounds like the baking might be a bone of contention too. If you have all day to bake and thus make the mess then you can clear up after yourself. Your hubby probably has no idea how much time and effort this all takes and probably doesn't care either! He knows he can get it in five minutes down at the supermarket. You think you have been doing 'chores' all day, when in fact you have been indulging your hobby.

You seemed to have listed his 'chores' as practically nothing. So what exactly does he have to do of an evening? Packed lunches take 10 minutes at most. I don't really understand why he would be upset about this? It seems to me that you are not giving us the whole story?

Sorry, we do manage to get them done! Just DH is whinging, mainly about doing the packed lunches! To be honest, I could do them, but I guess I feel that I do most of the stuff, and its only fair he has some jobs to do.

DH's evenings go : home from work, dinner, bath children, put children to bed together (we do one child each, in turns), watch tv/play wii/go on internet, THEN huff about making packed lunches, make them, go to bed! At the moment there is also stuff like xmas presents to put in the loft etc to do.

My evenings (from dh's return) go: serve up dinner, eat dinner, clear up from dinner whilst dh is bathing children, put load of washing on,put children to bed with DH, tidy up living room, sweep around downstairs, put washing on rads to dry, feed cats, DONE - feet up. At the moment, also some present wrapping, christmas present making etc.

We (well I, really) do a lot of chores, because I'm super clean and tidy (slightly obsessive!), I can't relax unless everything is in its place! BUT, I would say that I am the one who does the extra work because of that - I don't think DH has much to do at all?

I don't think there is anything else to the story? I do think DH is tired as he gets up early every day, has a long commute to work, and there have been extra christmas related things to do. But if he asked me nicely to do the packed lunches once in a while, I would, but the huffing and grousing is doing my head in!

birduk

So he is really huffing and puffing about making a set of packed lunches? Really? If that's it, he really needs to get a grip! What would he do if you both worked full time? He obviously works very hard and long hours, but making 3 packed lunches really isn't going to kill him.

Maybe go on strike for a week and do no housework- he'll notice then! It might also teach you that you won't die if you don't clean everything every day.

minerva_windsong

As a random question, can I ask why you have to plait your daughter's hair? Can't it just be tied back? That would save at least five minutes.

The other suggestion would be that if all your stuff is done during the day, can you do some of your OH's jobs for him? That might seem like defeating the object, but it means that it gets done how you want it and he has less to do. Also could you take over a couple of his weekend jobs, like the ironing? As part of me is wondering whether this is code for wanting to spend more time with his children, as he seems to only spend time with them in a practical context...

JodyBPM

birduk wrote: »

So he is really huffing and puffing about making a set of packed lunches? Really? If that's it, he really needs to get a grip! What would he do if you both worked full time? He obviously works very hard and long hours, but making 3 packed lunches really isn't going to kill him.

Maybe go on strike for a week and do no housework- he'll notice then! It might also teach you that you won't die if you don't clean everything every day.

Thanks for this post, its kind of put it in perspective for me - its just a 10 minute job! Will have a little chat with DH and see how he feels rather than digging my heels in and getting grumpy about his huffing! I guess the knock on effect of his huffing was that it was making me feel unappreciated, when I guess he's huffing because he feels unappreciated. One of the drawbacks of having his and hers jobs, I guess, is that no-one thanks you for doing them, because they are your jobs!

Love the idea of a housework strike, but I'd go mental in a matter of hours!