Sharing chores...

no-oneknowsme

JodyBPM wrote: »

I am organised - hyper organised to be honest, and my house is spotless despite have two small children, and I would like to keep it that way. I don't think I could be more organised if I tried!

I would NOT feed the children nuggets and chips as an evening meal:eek:. They have pack ups at lunchtime, so in the evening they need a proper cooked meal,with fresh veg etc, not processed carp overloaded with salt! They are only 4 and 5, enough time for them to eat rubbish when they're teenagers, but not at this age!

I organise my time so that I am free of washing and much housework over the weekend so that we can spend quality family time together. Maybe, as a woman, I should sacrifice my weekends to ensure that DH doesn't have to spend 10 minutes a day making pack-ups!

I do a LOT, LOT more than most woman do, I keep a spotless house, I cook good quality healthy food all from scratch, I spend a lot of time interacting with my children, playing with them, reading with them, I help out with the school community and I work (albeit part-time) in a responsible job which contributes significantly to the family finances. And yet some people seem to think that I am lazy or disorganised just because I ask my husband to make the packed lunches! Good Grief!

I have at no point said that I don't recognise that I am fortunate to work part time, or have I said that I can't find time to make the packed lunches if I wanted to. My point was that I felt that since I do the housekeeping AND work that DH should do some (very minimal) chores in the house too. Ie we both share the housework and we both share the wage earning. Not 50/50 obviously as I don't work as many hours as him, but why should I do 100% of the housework PLUS 28.6% of the wage earning hours, leaving him to do 0% of the housework and 71.4% of the wage earning hours? Hardly fair is it? Trust me, if he was to do 28.6% of the housework it would be MUCH, MUCH more than making a set of pack-ups!

In 2010 do people really still think of woman as second class citizens that should run themselves into the ground so that their husbands can put their feet up?

Lol , good grief you really went of on one there didnt you ! If thats how you moan on at your husband are you surprised that he gets annoyed ?

All of the above which you have quoted you do can be quite easuily summed up in one short sentence......its called being a parent !

JodyBPM

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

Lol , good grief you really went of on one there didnt you ! If thats how you moan on at your husband are you surprised that he gets annoyed ?

All of the above which you have quoted you do can be quite easuily summed up in one short sentence......its called being a parent !

I don't think that I did go off on one, I'm simply stating facts.

I don't moan at my husband - why would I? He doesn't treat me like a second class citizen, he values my contribution to the household.

Yes, I am being a parent, a damn good one at that. My husband is a parent too, though.

My issue with this thread, and some of the responses is how many people think that women should automatically do it all, and act like slaves for their menfolk!

I'm very fortunate to work only 2 days a week, and I love my life, I love being a parent, and I love housework too. I'm not complaining that I have it hard, I'm very well aware that many have it harder!

no-oneknowsme

JodyBPM wrote: »

I don't think that I did go off on one, I'm simply stating facts.

I don't moan at my husband - why would I? He doesn't treat me like a second class citizen, he values my contribution to the household.

Yes, I am being a parent, a damn good one at that. My husband is a parent too, though.

My issue with this thread, and some of the responses is how many people think that women should automatically do it all, and act like slaves for their menfolk!

I'm very fortunate to work only 2 days a week, and I love my life, I love being a parent, and I love housework too. I'm not complaining that I have it hard, I'm very well aware that many have it harder!

"Damn good parents" dont class playing with their children a chore !
They also dont class cooking for their children a chore !

I just dont agree with you on the chores front...i mean..you make your husband make packed lunches for both you and the children?

You make him iron his own work shirts ? The childrens uniform ?

To me thats all part of being a good wife and mum....but then im not the one who wrote "Im a damn good parent" (self praise and all that lol)

Person_one

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

"Damn good parents" dont class playing with their children a chore !
They also dont class cooking for their children a chore !

I just dont agree with you on the chores front...i mean..you make your husband make packed lunches for both you and the children?

You make him iron his own work shirts ? The childrens uniform ?

To me thats all part of being a good wife and mum....but then im not the one who wrote "Im a damn good parent" (self praise and all that lol)

I'm sorry, you missed the turn off, 1955 is the other way. :eek:

no-oneknowsme

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sorry, you missed the turn off, 1955 is the other way. :eek:

1955 ????

Sorry think you are confused mate !

Trust me , i am a parent myself . My OH works long hours , i work part time. i would not dream of having him standing making packed lunches or ironing the kids uniforms !

Isnt that a mums job ? If OP wants everything to be equal in her marriage i take it she will be going out to work 5 days a week just like her OH?

Less time spent on the internet telling complete strangers about her life would free up time which could be spent making the bl oody lunches !

Kaz2904

FWIW, I used to work full time (15 nights every 4 weeks) and have now dropped to part time (12 nights every 4 weeks). When full time DH made the lunches now I'm part time? He still does them. They are only done for the kids as he comes home. If I am awake I wait for him to come home for lunch (even if I'm starving hungry!) as I think I'm so lucky to be able to have lunch with my lovely fella.
Sometimes I make the lunches but not regularly (as seen on my previous post).

I think that some people are being really harsh on the OP.
I for one HATE doing tea each night. When it's served up, I get nothing but complaints from every single person at the table. The kids don't like anything that's served (or it looks horrible but then they can't help but shovel it down) and DH hates cabbage if it's not served with gravy- so when it's served with fish pie?????
The day to day cooking IS a chore because there is no pleasure in creating a balanced, healthy, nutritious meal that everyone is going to complain about because of the way they were brought up/ the way their friends eat/ the way they'd really like to eat.

Blimey, us Mums need to be nutritionists as we are the ones who keep an eye on the families diets. God forbid your DH should get some ilness like heart disease or diabetes, that would be your fault. God help that they go out without impecably ironed clothes- your fault. House a mess- you, etc etc.
Doesn't mean it comes from your DH it could come from your MiL (and generally does).

For the record, OP stated that they had had a talk and her DH was just generally Meh! due to the time of year and his doing things at bed time. He can change the bed time thing but the time of year Meh! unfortunately is just that, the time of year.

OP, glad you had a chat. It'll settle down soon

Steel_2

no-oneknowsme wrote: »

"Damn good parents" dont class playing with their children a chore !
They also dont class cooking for their children a chore !

I just dont agree with you on the chores front...i mean..you make your husband make packed lunches for both you and the children?

You make him iron his own work shirts ? The childrens uniform ?

To me thats all part of being a good wife and mum....but then im not the one who wrote "Im a damn good parent" (self praise and all that lol)

Making parallels between housework and cooking with someone's parenting ability doesn't work. Otherwise they'd be millions of men out there who by this logic would be classed as bad parents simply because they don't pick up a tea towel- or does this logic just apply to women?

These are very strong capable men we're talking about here, not little princes that need coddling. He's perfectly capable of ironing the odd shirt and doing lunches for his children. In fact, as he's a good parent by your logic it shouldn't be a chore for him should it?

OP, I was brought up in an egalitarian household with a dominant father and a passive mother. My father has always done chores without being asked by my mother. They were both house proud, but him more than her.

He washed up, he cooked (usually lunches mind, not dinners), hoovered, cleaned toilets and floors, dusted, polished, ironed his own shirts and uniforms, did the garden, decorated, shopped, etc.

My mother washed up, cooked evening meals, hoovered, cleaned toilets and floors, dusted, polished, ironed hers and the kids clothes, shopped, visited the relatives etc

Both worked full time. The house was spotless because both of them were independently on top of it and did what needed to be done, when it needed to be done.

To suggest that as a man he shouldn't be looking after and taking pride in his surroundings outraged him, and many of his friends got a ticking off if they suggested that he should leave it all to his wife to do. He lived there, he created part of the mess so he cleaned up. And he worked full time as well.

He was brought up in the slums of South london tenements that were cleared in the 1960s and it affected him deeply. Damp, rats, bedbugs, mould, outdoor stinking toilets, dirt and filth, and nine of them living in three rooms.

There are way too many men out there who were brought up in relative comfort by mothers who treated them like little princes and did everything, breeding men that feel hard done by if they're asked to pick up a dishcloth. It also bred women who perpetuated this because their mothers expected them to help out while leaving their fathers and brothers in front of the Tv or down the pub.

Being able to clean up after yourself is an important basic life skill for everyone, male or female, and it should not come to down to who has worked more hours a week or whether your external fleshy bits hang off your chest or groin. It should be done by everyone as it needs to be done as a matter of pride and care for yourself, your family and your belongings.

January20

JodyBPM wrote: »

My issue with this thread, and some of the responses is how many people think that women should automatically do it all, and act like slaves for their menfolk!

I don't think you should take the negative replies too seriously. I think a lot of men would love to go back to the 50s and before when they would go to work, and then come home to be looked after by their wife. Sadly, in this modern world, most of them do not earn enough money to look after their family properly and the wife has to go to work, so they have to help at home. A lot of people need to try hard to reconcile themselves with this concept!

I also think a lot of posters are just trying to pretend they are better than you because they "don't have to ask" their OH for help, or their wife does it all because she is WonderWoman or something, or are trying to make you feel bad because playing/ reading with the kids is listed in the chores (As a grown up woman playing with dolls or reading a Meg and Mog story is surprisinly not among my favourite past times! - insert rolled eyes smilie). It's like keeping up with the Joneses or rather in this case getting one over the Joneses. If they are stupid enough to do it all themselves, let them get on with it!

A couple with children should work as a team to create a happy family. From what I read in your posts, if your OH was more organised he would be able to put his feet up at the same time as you. His chores are hardly difficult anyway, are they?

Steel_2

Writing down all that stuff about chores as I was growing up has just brought back a funny memory about lunches.

If my mum did them, it was a good day. It would be something tasty. Liver pate and tomato sandwiches or Dairylea and chives or something. Maybe some soup in a flask or hot Ribena on a cold day

If my dad did them it would be a bad day. Dripping and butter sandwiches. Cheese and salt sandwiches (yep, hunks of cheese sprinkled liberally with salt). Tomato sandwiches. With a huge seemingly unpealable orange.

Bleurch.

liney

OP, your husband works full time, and you work 2 days, so until you have spent approximately 24 hours per week doing housework to equal the hours he spends at work (not childcare) then he is in 'credit' as far as i'm concerned. It's not about difficult, it's about fair, and if you really do spend 20 odd hours a week on housework then you must live in a mansion or do unnecessary tasks which mean you require his help.

If all you want him to do is spend 10 mins per day making a packed lunch is it really worth the hard feeling? Just do it while the potatos are cooking....it's no 'extra' time then is it, honestly?

If it was the other way around then I think i'd be abit resentful that I had to do 'chores' when my wife was home for most of the week, to be honest, and that's from another Part time working Mom.