Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

alexandra_cmpbll

Hi, just wanted to say I know what your going through , as I have been in the same situation myself. The biggest problem I have faced is housing! DONT make the same mistake I did and buckle to sell your and your childrens home. No one bothered to tell me at the time , that I would be entitled to housing benefit to help with mortgage costs. I DID buckle under the stress and constant calls and harrassment from my ex and sold my house. That was six years ago and I have had to move 5 times to different private rents because of the shortage of social housing. This has been more stressful than the seperation and divorce. Believe me you will be much cheaper staying where you are. I currently pay 550 per month for a small two bedroomed flat. My thoughts are with you,good luck.

zaksmum

When my daughter's scumbag policeman ex husband walked out on her just after she miscarried their first baby, she was left not only devastated (they'd only been married a few months) but struggling financially to pay a big mortgage on her own.

He swanned off with his other woman who had no qualms about dropping them for a newly married man, bought a brand new car and generally flashed the cash, refusing to pay a penny towards their joint mortgage.

She struggled on for 6 months then took her dad's advice, stopped paying the mortgage and forwarded all the repossession threats from the building society to him while remaining in the house.

He panicked when she made it known that she would let the house be repossessed. If that happened it would have been sold at auction and they would both have been pursued for the shortfall.

He immediately paid up the 6 months mortgage he'd missed and she put the house on the market at a very quick sale price which they got.

The equity was split between them. She ended up having lived there for nearly a year without paying ANY mortgage at all. but if he'd had his way she'd have kept on paying it and his investment in the house would have been protected.

What's stopping the OP from doing the same? Sop paying the mortgage, call his bluff and let the building socity take repossession steps.

If there's any equity in the house he will NOT like that.

demir2424

thank you all the advise I have told him before that if he hates me that much stop paying your half of the mortgage, never thought maybe I shuld just stop paying my half. I just don't know if my local council would be sympathetic as i would of 'made myself voluntarily homeless' and therefore receive no help.

demir2424

I have been doing tesco own brands and value range shopping for a while, my only problem is own brand nappies (always leak and cost more in laundry costs) and own brand baby wipes tend to bring my 2 out in nappy rash.
my 3 year old is a fussy eater and likes fresh fish (favourites scallops and salmon), certain sausages and fruit shoots (I have started buying tescos own fruit shoot drinks and bought him a sponge bob flask and fill that with own brand squash) the 1 year old will eat anything.
So I am living off cereal, toast and eggs so that they can eat a balanced diet.
daddy sometimes shows up with a kfc or happy meal for the 3 year old.
Every week I think I am getting better at cutting non essentials out and budgeting. But try and explain a budget to a 3 year old who wants to fill the basket with expensive confectionery and crisps!!
I have also had a few good value shops in aldi - but not much fish or sausage selection - today is my day to walk down to my local morrisons at around 3:30 for the final reductions that what we do for tea every sunday - reduced cooked chicken, vegetables and bread - last week it cost 2.28 for a chicken, salad and french bread.

casperlarue

Well done, you're getting the hang of budgeting already! Re. Aldi, their nappies are worth using, £5.30 I think for a pack of around 40, and their baby wipes. Also they have their fruit and veg offer every week so you could pick up cheaper items to bulk up meals.

I know it's hard supermarket shopping with young children, I can hear myself saying over and over "we don't have pennies for that this week" to my 3 year old when she asks for sweets.....lolllies....choc choc.....you get the idea!

knithappens

As far as the 3 year old goes with sweets etc, my lot have been brought up not to ask, so when they do get a treat they really appreciate it, also avaoid those isles in the supermarket, just dont go near them.

If little one likje fruti shoots, just fill the empty bottles at nigth with diluted fruit juice or own brand sugar free squash at night while he/she is alseep they will never know the difference, then gradually dilute it less juice more water - not becasu eof cost but becasue of the effect on their teeth etc.

My middle one is a fussy eater, fresh fish is expensive, try and shop for the cheaper range of foods that he likes, and i know it is hard but try not to compromise on your health, I make big batches of stew etc for myself and little one, I then just freeze her individual portions, that way nothign is goign to waste and I am still getting some good wholesome healthy food.

And believe me the novelty of KFc and Mcdonalds soon wares off expecially if that is all they get when with the EX, my now 8 year old, cant wait to coe home on a sunday to a nice sunday dinner as he either gets fast food or junk while at his Dads, and I have brought him up on home cooked food.


As far as the mortgage goes, if it is in his name, then pass the bills to him , let him deal with it for now, you have to keep you kids fed etc, if it is in joint, pay your half, at least then when divorcing you can show your contribution,, the last thing he wants is to loose money, it will give him a wake up call, be prepared for the fall out though, dont get caught in any arguements, but just make yourself strong, at the end of the day he does not care for your welfare, and that of the kids is doubtful by his actions, so just do what is right by you and your children.

charliemaine1bee

Hi Huge hugs,i really feel for you and what you are going through..
I was in an identical position a few years back..keep chipping away and things will get better..hold your head high..
Re:the house-dont move out..im assuming your solicitor has told you to sell if you've already said you cant afford the mortgage on your own.i was advised this..panicked..sold..and now in my 3rd rented property..As others have said..dont move..and dont let him bully you..you cant change the locks if he is joint owner.BUT you can add locks;) if he persists in coming into the property have restraining order put on him.
As other poster has put-please dont rely on any contribution from csa EVER..see anything you get as a bonus but never include it in your income.
Also see a solicitor about having his assets in the property frozen.Im really not 100% if this still applies if anyone else can confirm..but when i had my house i had my ex equity frozen in the house from the day he left.so any improvements or rise in value he couldnt get his hands on.
Please dont let him bully you..i can understand how hard it is for you..i couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnel at the time..but it does get better..keep paying what you can and go to see the CAB -take everything with you regarding your finances and let them sort it for you and make things clearer for you..xxx

demir2424

thanks you again. I am prepared to struggle, walk miles, do without food, do without heating etc but I need to make sure my babies are fed and warm. I can do without the nursery chasing me for money or even at the moment my work keeps giving me extra hours (they think they are helping me) but the amount I earn an hour doesn't cover my childcare per hour - I earn 6.51 an hour and my nursery charges 7.50 an hour.

clairec79

Lidl nappies are good and don't leak (unforunately they don't do them in little sizes but once my son is bigger we'll probably switch as used them with my older son and were just as good as pampers)

demir2424

thank you again. I have heard good reports on the asda little angels babycare range and on lidl/aldi ranges - my little one wears size 5 as he has a big bottom!!