Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

blue_monkey_2

D, thanks so much for checking in to say hi. Did you get the Tax credits money sorted and are they paying you more- enough to live on now?

And how is the new job going, are you enjoying it and did they give you more hours?

I am pleased that you are moving forward in regards to the house and the divorce, but don't let your son call you names. If he does that then you need to punish him for it - none of it is your fault but he has to grow up realising that this is not the way to speak to the people he cares about. I hope that you reached the bootm and this is your first foot up. Thanks again hun. x

demir2424

Hello blue monkey.
My work have offered me 20 hours - 15 clinical hours and 5 admin hours (I have worked 8-11 today and then I have to go back at 2 and do 2-7 on repeat prescription request desk).

Tax credits should sort themselves out this month - still waiting on my new award notice and it should be enough for us to survive on.

My eldest is still under supervision from the health visitor - she visits every thursday here and once a week at nursery - I think they think he has ADHD. He stilll says he hates me and hate this home and that his little brother says to him that he hates me - just a toddler tantrum I hope.

I feel like I am on my way up and my new job has given me more confidence. How are you?

blue_monkey_2

I am well D, thanks for asking. I am glad that you think life is looking better for you and finally the money is going to be sorted, I feel like giving you a hug as I bet it feels like you have come so far. But sometimes you need to reach the bottom before you can realise you are on your way up. You sound like you are enjoying your work too so that is great.

My son also has ADHD (and Autism) but was much later at getting the help so it is good they have picked it up now as it'll be progress in getting the help he needs through school. Ask them to refer to you to the Child Development Centre although they do not usually diagnose ADHD 'officially' before age 5 though and our health visitor was hopeless with disabilities. The ADHD clinic told me that my son had it but called it something else (I forget now) because of his age. The quicker it is picked up, the quicker it is easier to deal with when they go to mainstream school. My son is medicated now but always 'fiddles' and usually it is his bits downstairs (always in assembly, always embarrassing, LOL) or if he is sitting he fiddles with his shoe velcro. It's not the end of the world if he has it though, you'll find your own coping stratagies and life can be hard, but it is how you deal with it. I also found that cutting out everything with artificial sweetners in it made a whole load of difference. He was manic on them and had huge mood swings so if you give drinks or foods with these in, switch them to the ones with sugar in. if you need to ask anything then please do. Good luck, you sound happier now. xx

demir2424

My son drinks a lot of ribena and robinsons fruit shoot drinks - should I stop these? he also fiddles with himself at lot and never stops running about and talks non-stop - even in his sleep.

I like my new job and I am thinking when both boys start school to study and become a proper nurse.

blue_monkey_2

Oh god, Fruit Shoots are Rocket Fuel. Yes, do stop them, you'll notice the difference within a few days. My children have the 'high juice' now as it has sugar an not sweetners, they do much better on it - don't get the sugar free ones though. Sugar free has a blue lid, sugar has a green lid. Go for the green lid. Ribena is fine if it is the normal one, not the sugar free version. If he still wants Fruit Shoots you just have to get clever. Keep some bottles and top them up with High Juice. But the HJ (sold in Tesco, Asda etc... do cost more but it is worth it), there is also Rocks (but that costs a lot) my children are fine on High Juice.

My children like fizzy drinks so I bought a Soda Stream so there is no coke etc..., just fizzed up 'squash'.

Yes, sounds very familiar, my son never stops moving, I just let him get on with it tbh but I can understand why some people would find it annoying - he sleepwalks too and we have to be careful as he has these horrible night terrors and he runs to get away from things and he will point to us while screaming, they are nasty.

You do have to look at everything he eats. Mine still have sweets in moderation but it's not going to hurt them. My son is now medicated for school (they do not medicate before age 6 anyway) because, for him, I felt he needed it to be able to concentrate. In the space of a few weeks he went from not being able to write 2 words to being able to write stories with the other children. He needed it. I felt there was a lot of pressure on ME to make this descision that was right but I had to do what was right for him, even if I did not feel it was right for me, does that make sense? I do not give it at other times though as I just let him run his energy off here in the house. It's not a big deal for me. The tantrums - well they are still with us - but you learn ways of dealing with them. There is a book called 'All dogs have ADHD' that you might want to get for him, it explains it all with pictures of dogs, and there are some other - there is one about a zebra who cannot concentrate in school - but they are there to help the children understand their condition, if they have it.

Good luck, and good luck with the new job. You ARE doing a wonderful job as a mum - it does not matter what anyone else thinks.

SingleSue

If its any help, I found that ribena sent all of mine doo lally although this was quite a few years ago and things could have changed in the contents.

Eldest has no behaviour problems normally (still sent him doo lally) but the other two are ASD (amongst other things) and it was scrape them off the wall time whenever they had ribena until I finally worked out what was going on.....I was a bit slow on the uptake...doh!

demir2424

Thank for your advise again.

My son also suffers from night terrors and has invisable friends who he talks to - 2 men and a little girl (this scared me at first as a man died in our house as we bought it as an estate which monies were to go to charity) he also runs screaming saying a dog is chasing him around his bedroom (and the man who died had a dog which died in his current bedroom).

I will stop the fruit shoots and try high juice, I have been looking on food and drink labels more and I did always buy the low sugar version of most things. He has always been very energetic and needs very little (2-5 hours) sleep a night. I don't really want him on medication.

blue_monkey_2

Hi D, yes, do try cutting out the sugar free stuff, it really messes with their minds and I noticed the difference in a few days. The night terrors when my son was your age were quite bad - he still gets them now but it does sound like he acts the same way your son did.

Medication is not something you'll have to think about for a good few years yet so don't, as you may find changing his diet helps immensly - seriously, additives should come with a health warning - but you'lll drive yourself crazy with the should I/shouldn't I arguement - he is too young so forget about it for now. Just get referred so they can keep an eye on him and go forward from there.

I was adamant I was not giving my son medication but decided to give it a try for a month. I felt like a bad mum for 'giving in' - however the other half of me felt selfish for not giving it to him if it was needed. Either way I was in a no-win situation. I did not want him to have it at all - however, he went from under-acheiving to over-acheiving in the space of a few weeks because then he was finally able to concentrate. He could not read or write but then suddenly he could. The meds are out of the system within 8 hours - and you can tell. LOL. He does not have it at home but only for the school day because he needs to concentrate in school.

I've heard awful stories in the support group I went to, about how children have been treated and excluded because of concentration - sure you can fight to get them back in but it is stress all the time, or they are sent to behaviour schools instead - and you really do not want your child to go to one of those I promise. My son is not naughty, he just cannot concentrate but this means he cannot get the work done and fall behind and will be seen as 'slow' when he isn't. He just cannot sit still for long enough to do what has to be done. People said to me that if he needed insulin you would give it - in the case of my son he needed to restore the balance of the brain. For me is was the 'stigma' of ADHD that got to me more than anything else, but now I tell people.

Mind you, in a way, the descision was taken out of my hands as he clearly needed it to get through a school day and I am not pleased I did it as now he is a fab reader and he can apply himself - it was such a hard descision to give him tht first tablet and I had many days where I changed my mind. At home it makes no difference to his behaviour and he is still bouncing off the walls - there is nothing here he needs to concentrate on so he does not have it, there is no point, I am used to him now anyway. Somedays it gets on my nerves but other times I just roll with it - it is just how he is. However, it is getting harder the older he gets. He can out run me and can be gone in the blink of an eye. It is scary. Locks on windows are a must and I no longer have anything valuable. TV is mounted on the wall as well. I dn;t have anything that can be broken either. It's been an education.