Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

blue_monkey_2

demir2424 wrote: »

Still no csa payment and no money for food, transport to college tomorrow - looks like I will have to call my parents and explain all

D, there is no need to feel ashamed - although I guess you probably do. Please tell your parents everything as you need them to help you through this.

I am sorry that you are going through this, I know you do not want to consider it, but maybe it's time to rethink on whether you should be taking this job. Jobs will come and go and you can apply again in the future, your children are only young once. Right now they need you happy and healthy.

At least you will know where the next meal is coming from. Maybe someone can advise what benefits you would be entitled to if not working and what the procedure is. This might help with your decision.

I read your message and realised that there was a card in the mail I did not recognise (our anniversay is coming and I thought a relative had forgotten our name, LOL) so I just opened it and your beautiful cards from the boys are here with me. THANK YOU so much, for making me cry a bit. You CAN get through this - even through this you were thinking of sending me something to say thank you and this shows the stregth and kind of person you are - honest and decent.

This is just a blip on the horizon to make you a stronger person for the future because of the type of people you will be dealing with in your ex's family. I know it might not seem like it now, but it will. Please let us know what your family say - and remember, you did not get yourself into this situation, the actions of a selfish, thoughtless man put you in this situation but be honest, however hard, because you are going to need their support day to day, not just financially but also emotionally too. You might find that it is a great help and that the weight is lifted. Good luck sweetheart.

x

demir2424

Thank you now I am crying. I was just reading the working 20 hours and ebay thread and liked your responses.
If I give up my job I need to pay back the money invested in my training because I signed a contract when I started training that I would stay employed for 2 years after becoming qualified I don't have a couple of grand to pay them back.
Tesco order was cancelled this morning because no funds also I haven't paid nursery this week or council tax as I have been waiting all month on this first csa payment. Don't know where to turn for money until this csa payment magically appears.

sandraroffey

it will all work out in the end. please try not to worry too much. if you leave your job and they want their money back, they will have to take an arrangement of payments from you - £1 a week?? you dont have to have all of it in a lump to give it them back.

you will be better off not working; dreadful thing to say but its true. PLUS it will give you time to get your head around everything, make appointments, keep appointments, get on top of everything. give it some thought. xx

blue_monkey_2

sandra is right D, they cannot force you to pay it back in one lump sum - and if you refuse to pay all they can do is take you to court and you let the judge decide how much you can afford to pay.

As for that bloke on the eBay thread - well, he had no intention of working, it is people like him that make people like you too ashamed to ask for help. He needs to hang his head in shame quite frankly.

Did you have any joy from asking your boss about the extra hour? Can I also ask, are you paying for FT childcare even though the boys are there part time? Your elder son should get at least 15 hours a week free so can you also have a look at this and ask them.

Can you remind us again of the amounts you get and what your bills are, maybe we can help you with some savings along the way. I hope you have no intention of paying the mortgage this month!!

blue_monkey_2

And what does your contract of employment state? Hours wise? Have they asked you to sign a new contract? Maybe you can speak to ACAS about this.

demir2424

I have always worked from a part-time job at 15 until now, not working would drive me completely round the bend.
Need to speak to people to arrange reduced payment options to survive until tax credits, csa and new wages start - my work have now offered 20 hours a week at a higher wage (1.20 an hour more)

blue_monkey_2

D, bills should be your LAST priority. If you cannot afford to pay your credit card then just make a token payment of £1 a month. Write explaining your situation. IF they start to call you there is a letter you can print off the CCCS website that basically says 'you are harrassing me and breaking the law, only contact me in writing in the future'. And then when they call you can put the phone down.

It's going to be tough for 6 months while you get back on your feet. You cannot be certain to reply on the money from the CSA. Have you called them about it? You really must keep on at them from what I hear.

If you want to PM me with the bills you have to pay each month and I'll see if I can help your more cut down your outgoings. But there is nothing anyone can do if you have no money to pay them. You make nominal payments and they will pretty much leave you alone. Have a look on the DFW board and you will not feel so alone. And don;t pay the mortgage. Have we told you that? Let him deal with it as you are going anyway.

What are your plans. Maybe list them here and it'll help you get things into perspective. Do you think you can temporarily go back to your parents and walk away from the house, save some money and start again as far as possible away. Your ex does not sound like the kind of person who is going to go out of his way to see the kids anyway.

demir2424

I currently earn 460 a month from my work (this will be going up to 560 next month), I from this month get 661.44 a month WTC/CTC and 138 child benefit. My mortgage contribution is less now 229 a month, childcare 124 a week, secured loan 118 a month, council tax 76, gas and electric (reduced payment) 60 a month, credit card (reduced payment) 79 a month, next account (reduced payment) 30 a month, water 21, tv 11 etc.

INCOMINGS = 661.44 + 138 + 460 = 1259.44 a month
OUTGOINGS = 1120 a month approx

blue_monkey_2

D, write a letter to the credit card people and next account and offer them nominal payments - do not be scared about it. Outline the facts that your husband las left you and will not pay you any money. This will save you £107 a month.

The secured loan.... Is this yours or is it joint? Is there a lot left on it?

Mortgage - have you decided what you are going to do about the house?

Have you applied for Council tax Benefit? What about Housing Benefit? You have nothing to lose by filling in the forms. You'll ifnd the applications forms on your local council website so please fill them in - every penny helps.

demir2424

Applied 3 times for council tax benefit, keep being refused. Secured loan is in joint names with a large sum left on it.

Mortgage - not sure what to do - I don't want to live in a b & b which is what is being offered as free housing.

Sorry my last post was cut short as I had my sister on the phone saying I had landed her in trouble in the playground yesterday with a local childminder who had been bad-mouthing me.