Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

dawyldthing

I wouldn't move out of the house. If it is shared and there is no equity in the house then sit tight and pay the minimum, contact the morgage company to see if they can help and contact citizens advice for help. CSa really are rubbish, my mum didn't get one payment in the 18 years that I was in education, often didn't get a bean for Christmas or birthdays but like they say its their loss and your children will appreciate those that do care for them when they become older. Keep your chin up hun and it will get better

knithappens

your tax credits sound very wrong, please get in touch with them and give them an up to date estimate of yoru income, as it seems very low especially if you have childcare costs. Believe me it is doable so pay the mortgage etc, a rented property will be roughly the same as you are paying mortgage wise, it will just be hard, I split with my husbands while pregnant and divorced.

And please do not let anyone on the site put you off posting, there is a way pf ignoring posts in a thread not sure how to do it, but someone may be able to talk you through how to do it

Ma_Boswell

First of all, huge sympathy - I'm all goosebumpy remembering my divorce days ( and my kids were older so were more able to understand and hold my hand). I know this is advice you have had a hundred times - but don't move out of the house. My house was granted to me until the children had finished full time education- admittedly my ex- didn't fight it but my solicitor assured me that it was pretty much standard procedure and he was supposed to contribute to the mortgage. I can't help with Tax credits, its been too long, but asking for a review can do no harm. For what its worth you have all my good wishes - when you are as old and decrepit as me your babies will understand and appreciate everything you have done - and in the meantime as other posters have said there is a lot of frugal fun you can have and this is a great place for ideas.

Kimitatsu

Evening guys

Please can I remind you of the following forum rule:

BE NICE TO OTHER MONEYSAVERS

Remember, MoneySaving should be fun. Everyone using these boards is here for the same reason, to save money. The site’s motto is “Please be nice to other MoneySavers”. It should go without saying, but please remember that when using this forum. Please report any abusive/offensive/racist comments to [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]!!!!!![/EMAIL].

I know that emotions can run a little high, but please remember that the written word is nowhere near as expressive as the spoken one, so try to think of that when replying to posts.

Ta

SingleSue

OP - I know it is hard going from one income to a completely different one but the children are young and won't realise the smaller amount you would be spending on them this Christmas. I dare say they would prefer the love and cuddles and maybe a small toy costing very little than their mum stressed out, struggling to find a home etc.

I speak from experience, me and the boys went from being part of a couple earning in excess of 60k a year to being on benefits and the guilt I felt at not being able to give them what they had been used to was absolutely immense but it was my eldest son who put it into perspective for me...he said all he and his brothers needed was my love, presents are just temporary tokens, a mothers love is forever.

They still don't expensive items, they see their friends getting the ultra amazing presents but not once have they moaned about it as they know I try the very hardest I can to make their lives special and to make them feel loved.

Just try to stay strong, get alternative advice to that already given to you and take each day as it comes....it does get better eventually.

demir2424

I am not banking on anything from benefits, csa etc and I so far for the past 18 months have received nothing. I have always worked and never claimed a penny which is why I am new to all this.I just feel that something needs to be done to stop me and my boys losing their home and my ex husband paying nothing for their upbringing.
I work and i am training at college to be a nurse, I start in february basic duties such as phlebotomy, blood pressure and new patient health check - this should mean full time work and a few pence extra an hour.
I wrote on this forum this morning to see if there is anything I have forgotten to check and anything available to help me and the kids through this rough spell.

demir2424

my local cab put me in contact with my solicitor to arrange divorce proceedings. I will reapproach tax credits and my local council again on monday.

total misunderstanding - i thought you were a man being chased by the csa and were therefore trying to put me off contacting them or claiming tax credits.

Oldernotwiser

demir2424 wrote: »

I work and i am training at college to be a nurse, .

So, does that mean that your earnings will be in addition to the nursing bursary and student loan? You will also be exempt from council tax if you're a full time student and eligible for extra allowances.

demir2424

I am currently training inhouse and go to college on day release - my work are paying for my training so at the moment I have no student loan.
My work are desperate for a new healthcare assistant - so I volunteered but I work on the reception at the moment, but have my own blood clinics from february and then I carry on with my nvq in healthcare and college course.

knithappens

Just wanted to check in this morning with you. Hope you are doign ok today, I know it can be very stressful, but believe me theywill work out, liek others have said get in touch with all the utility companies he owes bills to and then set them up from sctratch in your name - pass them his address, let him deal with it, he thinks that by walking he can leave everythgin behind, he cant he has responsibilities too the comment about the kids growing up poor - I wanted to slap him for you .

As for Christmas, see if you can spend it with your parents or a family member, let them deal with the cooking, less for you o spend too.

Both my parents are deceased and i had no one to spend last xmas with, but it is just a glorified sunday dinner and kids wont know if there is not a turkey on the table a cheap chicken will do, thats what we had.

I got most of my youngest's xmas pressies last year from freecycle and the charity shop, most of them brand new , and my eldest 2 from ebay, at 1 and 3 they dont understand the concept of cost - so anything you do will be fantastic to them, dont worry about comments from your sisters kids, when you typed what they said my heart went out to you.

Dont be ashamed to lean on family right now, I dont have any family to help me out finacially, but always felt too proud too until circumstances dicatted other wise, now I will take anythign off anyone and I feel no shame in it, shop at charity shops, ebay etc, the way I see it, is that I am saving money and not spending reciulous amounts on clothes i can get for pennies at the charity shop, yesterday I picked up 2 sets of disney pj's brand new for £1

there are lots of threads on this forum like old style money saving , the grocery challenges really help too, I have found the frugal living challenges brilliant this past year althogu I am not as good as some as having kids makes the cost of living higher, it still helped me get back on track during and after my divorce https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2898936

Also Wikivorce was a great source of support and information , ( I did a DIY divorce as my Ex was not interested in the kids etc) http://wikivorce.co.uk/ - also the information if gives and also there are solicitors that give you free time on here that pop on to answer questions etc, well worth a look.

Sorry I have rambled on