Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

NickyBat

But you wont necessarily be doing it on your own!!!! Not good advice that really from a solicitor

demir2424

If I find out that my ex hubby has bought christmas presents for his girlfriends kids I will be so so upset. He said he will buy my eldest 'pumpaloons' - a 15 pound game, but i am to explain it is from daddy and not santa. I guess my 1 year old will get the same as last christmas and his 1st birthday - sod all!!

Loanranger

Just in case you didn't hear this the first time, second time, third time...

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.

Here it is again

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE

and finally

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE

He is obliged to provide for his children.

demir2424

I know but if he stops paying his half of the mortgage I can't afford to keep up the full repayments.

Loanranger

Stop fussing over Christmas presents and pre-enjoyed clothes from relatives and Ebay. These things are not important to your children. Keeping the roof over their heads and food on the table is what matters.
Shrug off any adverse comments by ignoring them. It's not necessary to respond when someone says something unpleasant. Just be silent or carry on another conversation.

PS
DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

Kimitatsu

demir2424 wrote: »

If I find out that my ex hubby has bought christmas presents for his girlfriends kids I will be so so upset. He said he will buy my eldest 'pumpaloons' - a 15 pound game, but i am to explain it is from daddy and not santa. I guess my 1 year old will get the same as last christmas and his 1st birthday - sod all!!

Dont be upset - be pleased that you have got shot of him!! What did your husband earn last year after tax? As a guideline you are entitled to 20% of his net earnings (thats after they have taken tax and national insurance off) and you are entitled to it every month. Regardless of whether the house has equity in it or not it is still your home, and you only need £275 a month off him to be able to stay in it, and there is light at the end of the tunnel already.

Have you spoken to the mortgage company to see if you can take a mortgage holiday? Or seen if you can get reduced payments for a while? All of those things need to be explored.

Check out the printable discount thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2876038 there are always bits and pieces on there that can help out (and it all goes in the right direction). Have you contacted SureStart to see if there are any grants you may be entitled to? They often have a benefits adviser there too who will tell you if you are getting all that you can (you may be entitled to help with your mortgage but off the top of my head I cant remember)

Have you registered with the electricity and gas companies on their vulnerable register as you have children under 5 in the house? This means that they cannot cut you off in the winter and will help you manage your payments over time.

Every journey starts with a single step, so just take one step at a time, before you know it you will have travelled miles. If I were you I would look to change your solicitor - once you get the bill get it checked (will find you the service that does it) as they often find unreasonable charges and can reduce the bill. Found it - details here:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/7355

We have all been where you are, and have survived to tell the tale you may feel lost today but keep posting and we will help you through this. Most important thing is for you to keep you and those babies safe x

jetplane

Kimitatsu has given you some great advice I would suggest when you contact Gingerbread or CAB get them to find you a good family solicitor also as I think you need advice about staying put not selling. How can you're solicitor know you can't afford to stay? The CSA have not even made an award yet.

Loanranger

I'm not a lawyer so cannot advise on the details but I do think you have received bad advice from your solicitor about the house.
Do as others have suggested and see Citizens Advice Bureau ASAP or if waiting time is too long for you then see another solicitor under the free half hour scheme.

When your back is to the wall, as it is now, come on here and chat. There is always someone here to chat to you and keep you feeling positive.

Just try to focus on the absolute essentials of housing, warmth and food. Everything else is just froth. Especially Christmas, that's all froth and is a big con by the retailers to get us to put our hands in our pockets to buy stuff we don't need and can't afford. Cynic, that I am, but it's true.
Your children are so young they'd probably be happy with a big empty box to play in and a bag of gold chocolate money coins plus the things they'll be bought by his folks.

NickyBat

when a couple separate these days and there are children involved the odds are highly stacked in favour of the mother, i think your ex knows this but thinks you don't, which is why he is using these tactics.
You have had some fab advice on here, use it .....tomorrow is another day

[Deleted User]

demir2424 wrote: »

my 4300 figure is last years earnings as I was on maternity - sorry! I currently get 460 basic a month and I returned to work off maternity in july.

Well you are definately not getting enough Tax Credits then, your award is wrong you need to contact them ASAP. You won't be struggling then :-)