Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

[Deleted User]

I just put your figures in entitled to and it says tax credits of £287 PER WEEK. So you need to look at your award notice because something is definately wrong here. However I might not have used the correct figures as £4300 per Year for 18 hours is less than minimum wage, so I thought you might of meant Net Pay but that don't equate to £460 a Month either so I'm unsure, but even so it's definately wrong. It's hard adjusting to being a single Mum, especially when you are used to a partner earning a good Salary, but you can get through this. Also try the budgeting Board for hints and tips x

demir2424

I have asked csa to bypass him and take direct from his salary - I am looking forward to february when hopefully I will be working 25 hours a week on more money and my eldest should be getting vouchers towards childcare.

demir2424

my 4300 figure is last years earnings as I was on maternity - sorry! I currently get 460 basic a month and I returned to work off maternity in july.

demir2424

I have been clothing the kids from ebay, charity shops and my older sister's kids hand me downs - the same with toys - nothing is new in our house.
I just know on christmas day my sister's very spoilt children will comment on how my 2 boys didn't get much for christmas and have they been naughty. They already say "mummy he's wearing my jumper" and things like that.
I am so ashamed to claim anything because 18 months ago life was so so different.

demir2424

Currently going through divorce proceedings

Kimitatsu

Hi

First of all you are not the worst mother in the world. At one and three, they wont notice if the presents are second hand or not pristine, all they want is their mum for the day and to have a good time. Make reindeer food and enjoy the time you have - there are lots of ideas on the old style money saving board.

Secondly - insist that the CSA put in a DEO (attachment to earnings) and that they ensure that the arrears are collected. From the time they contacted him he will be liable for maintenance and so whatever his assessment, the amount he will have to pay will be greater because of the arrears.

DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES until you have the divorce sorted. Why are you paying the mortgage? He is not paying maintenance or mortgage - you need to get tough lady! When you get divorced the judge will look at the earning potential that he has, as well as any joint assets, not just the house but also any shares, savings, inheritence and pension pots. These will all go into the pot and then will be divided up - you will almost certainly be entitled to more than 50% of the equity in the house and will be entitled to stay there until your youngest finishes full time education (up to 20 in some cases). It may be that he is prepared to give you more equity in return for you leaving his pension alone, if thats the case thats fine.

He has no right to tell you to move out (and I think he knows that) nor does he have the right to tell you he will not pay unless you do. If you move out of the marital home then you could be making yourself intentionally homeless and may not be eligible for help from the council. IF you are ordered out of the house by the court as you have to sell the property then that is a different matter.

As for the being in your house - tell the solicitor that it worries you and talk to them about a restraining order should he continue to do that. It is bullying tactics pure and simple and you can say that it worries you that he can come and go as he pleases and after all you are now a single mum with two small children etc etc. But to be honest he is trying to force you to leave the house because he knows you dont have to.

I know it seems difficult at the moment but go onto www.entitledto.co.uk and put your figures in - that will give you an accurate idea of what you are entitled to and then you can appeal the decisions that you need to. If it is tax credits then get on the phone to them asap - they are very good and if they think there is a mistake then they can get money into your bank quickly.

You say that things will change in February, thats only 6 weeks away, so not long in the grand scheme of things. Take one thing at a time and ignore your ex and his silly demands, if he wants you out of the house then he needs to go to court and get a mesher order so that you have the equity you are entitled to.Have a look on the legal aid website and see if you are eligible for help here: http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/en/legalaid/

Take care and just remember this is only one Christmas in many

NickyBat

Not sure why the solicitor telling you to sell the house

demir2424

Thank you for all your advise. I know it is just one day in many to come, but this week I feel so lost. I have 3 weeks of nursery fees to pay this month and about 200 in my account, council have let me put back my council tax for 1 month.
I have learnt budgeting this month.
Had 15 pounds of tescos voucher and 10 in huggies voucher. So spent 16:53 today on basics (bread, milk, cereal, cheese, eggs etc) and used my huggies vouchers for a pack of nappies and some wipes. I have also found 2 out of date next vouchers for 20 pounds so I have posted them off to be reactivated. I sent 2 letters to the free royal mail santa letter address today as well.

demir2424

she said no equity really in this climate and after solicitor fees and also I can't afford to keep the mortgage on on my own really.

NickyBat

http://www.portablenorthpole.tv

Try that link too, video by email from santa for the kids - you put their details in - they will love it