Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

blue_monkey_2

She is working RAS but I have been 'here' from the start. No, there is no equity in the house at all. Anything that she gets would have to be paid to the solicitor also (this is mentioned near the start).

I feel like a busybody but I'd just like to find someone who can offer some advice to get things moving for her.

She said that he paid £50 into her bank account and said it was to get the kids Xmas presents and then when she next called the CSA they said 'he gave you £50 on xx date' and she said 'yes' and they said it would be deducted from her first payment.

Where is the scratching head smiliewhen you need it?

RAS

Hi

I rarely say this, but in this case, I think the OP would be better to stop working for a while.

1. Given the job offer she has, she cannot earn enought o cover the child care costs.
2. She will have to pay her legal fees if she works, which might well be legally aided if she stops working.
3. She needs time to find alternative accomodation and organise and settle in.

demir, where do your folks live?

RAS

blue_monkey wrote: »

She said that he paid £50 into her bank account and said it was to get the kids Xmas presents and then when she next called the CSA they said 'he gave you £50 on xx date' and she said 'yes' and they said it would be deducted from her first payment.

So has demir actually posted ont he Child Support forum to check this out?

ekkygirl

demir2424 wrote: »

I am on this forum asking for help and advise not to be bullied by somebody who has a bad experience of the csa.
I am trying to raise 2 small children on 858 pounds a month (that's including tax credits) and a mortgage to pay, whilst my ex husband swans around with 17 year olds on his arm earning around 3500 a month and telling me that my children need to learn the value of money and therefore get nothing.
csa has been chasing him for 10 months now.
I am in a very fragile and emotional state at the moment your comments do not help.

Where were you being bullied. I have read the whole thread and cant see it? Everyone has been lovely.

blue_monkey_2

No, I don't think so. I think she is struggling at the moment, trying to sort this out, going to the CAB and solicitors. I don't think anyone suggested posting on there until earlier today to be fair. She only posted here and comes in to update what is going on. I think she thought that she would go to the CAB, it would all be a mistake and she could get on with her life, but she just seems to be slipping further and further down.

Surely she cannot just give up work though, she will get penalised for this won't she and not get benefits?

I do think that maybe she needs some time off to get her head together anyway but she is scared of losing everything.

Also, she could move but would not have the money to do so and would not get LHA if she has a property already, would she?

Can't remember where her parents live but I do not think it is nearby as she went and stayed with them over Xmas.

blue_monkey_2

ekkygirl wrote: »

Where were you being bullied. I have read the whole thread and cant see it? Everyone has been lovely.

It got deleted, there were some nasty responses in the first few pages but abuse removed them. that did not help either.

*Robin*

Hi, I've come over from the other thread, and speed-read this one through, but apologies if I've missed bits and the following points have already been covered.

OP, is your house in negative equity? If so you'll just end up with a debt for half the deficit if you sell. From your comments it sounds like the house is quite large, so have you considered asking HSBC if they will let you take a lodger? Surely that would be preferable to losing your home and trying to find somewhere to rent?
At least you are married, so when you get to the divorce courts, you should be able to ask that the children's home is protected for them until the youngest is 18 - though I've never done this so don't know how it works. My ex- never paid a penny maintenance for his two children in seventeen years, but agreed to give his half of our house to me if I accepted that in settlement of his obligation (no courts involved).

I hope that by now you've had a word with your employer and explained that you need one more hour a week. By the sound of it you are doing them a favour by re-training for a position they need to fill.

I see there was quite a discussion earlier about the merits of various cut-price disposable nappies. But you have a lovely new tumble drier - so why don't you use terry nappies for your baby? Ok it's not as convenient, but once you've got into a routine it's just an extra wash or two a week. My DGS uses them, the modern shaped ones are very good - don't leak and no nappy rash. Better for the environment too. I often see "totbots" offered on my local Freecycle site - a great place to find things you need but can't afford.
Have you joined Freagle/Freecycle yet? Very useful for every one who needs to economise.

Pop over to the OS boards where you'll find lots of ideas for reducing your outgoings.
Like you, I also go to the supermarket when they're putting stuff on the 'reduced' shelf, and batch-cook my bargains then freeze complete meals. It means we eat much better than we otherwise would (lots of salmon for example). Oh, and my children got used to much more varied ingredients because some of my bargains are the less popular items I wouldn't otherwise think of cooking (never failed to find a recipe for an odd vegetable online ).

Lastly, please don't be despondent - you've got a wonderful resource in the good MSEers who have an amazing range of expertise and experience. We're all behind you, and will do our best to help you through.

blue_monkey_2

demir2424 wrote: »

Now under weekly supervision from my health visitor from my own and my children's emotional wellbeing.
Such a bad parent.

Have you spoken to her about this situation Demir and what has she advised?

When we was being made homeless she said she was going to write a letter to the council for me. What has she been coming round for.

I do think that you need to go and see the doctor - change if you need to - and get something to pick you up. it need not matter of they talk, half of them have probably at one time or another, been on anti-depressants. They would not be human if they did not. Only no-one tells each other this.

It is no shame, nor a crime, to hit a bad spot but if you do not tell anyone how bad it is then no-one can help you with it, hun. Do you see? If they talk then you do know you can report them don't you.

demir2424

I can't take anti-depressants or admit I feel down because of all the rumours my husband has already spread about be being mentally unstable and on so much medication (when 7 months pregnant) that I didn't know what day of the week it was.
It would just give him further fuel.
I am best just plodding on x

demir2424

I think it's because since my husband left the eldest has regressed (not using toilet) and is violent and quite an angry little boy. I think it is because all he sees is mummy crying or angry at daddy.