Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

blue_monkey_2

demir2424 wrote: »

Can I put conditions attached to the times that my ex partner takes or visit my children such as at a reasonable hour or for atleast 3 hours and where he takes them?

Yes, I believe so - but if he refuses to comply it can be done through the courts so your children have stability. Something else you must speak to your solicitor about. Did you manage to find a new one D?

alexandra_cmpbll

Hi D, would just like to reiterate what i said to you before. I have been where you are and I know how hard it is. Get all the support you can from womens aid. They will be able to put you in touch with a good lawyer. Your husband may not have physically abused you, but it sounds like hes trying to bully you and his children into a corner. Abuse of power and control. Please do not leave your house. I did, and i have regretted it ever since, for my children mostly. I know I was told that my ex may be left to pay the mortgage until my youngest child turned 18, but i buckled under the bullying tactics, because of the relationship break down. please, please dont move out you and the childrens home. Rental properties are extremely expensive and do not be like i am now and caught in the poverty trap. My thoughts are with you and if you need to talk please inbox me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:eek:

demir2424

Ex turned up last night with some paperwork from citizens advice - he went yesterday with one of my pay slips and a receipt from nursery and they did a benefit check for me - can they do this?
He said you should be ok now and need no help as this is what you should and could be claiming, so left again saying choose between living in the house and no maintenance or moving out and maintenance payments.
I am not getting the amounts of money that ca have told him and I don't have my appointment until thursday 20th.
So angry that he has taken my pay slips and receipts whilst i was at work and that they gave him this information.

alexandra_cmpbll

hi D, thats outrageous. He probably told lies to the citizens advice bureau about the status of your relationship. I would call the advice bureau he attended and tell them the real scenario. I would also contact womens aid asap, tell them whats been happening to you and your children. they will offer you practical and emotional support, as well as knowing good lawyers, who will deal with this idiot. Get the support you need, they will help you to stay strong and make the best decisions for you and your children. Again, i cant stress strongly enough, do not move out the house. you could possibly discuss getting interdicts against your husband with your lawyer. Please contact your local womens aid group. If you have trouble getting the number let me know and i will get it for you. Im here if you need to talk, ill do my best to help you . xxx

thorsoak

If you are claiming the 25% single person's discount on your council tax - he cannot sleep in your bed whilst you are at work! What a cheek that man has - taking your pay slips etc to CAB!

Is there anywhere that you can lock away your confidential/important information - the childrens' birther certificates/passports/bank books, etc? Maybe put them all in a secure folder and keep them in your car (sorry - can't remember if you have the car or not).

Please don't let him worry you - he is living in cloud cuckoo land if he thinks that things will go his way.

Jowo_2

I don't know if the Citizens Advice Bureau breached any regulations, such as the data protection act, in providing advice to your husband without your knowledge and consent.

As per the previous poster, I would contact the CAB to notify them about your displeasure and let them know that it is part of a campaign by your husband which you are finding very abusive. It could be the case that they are often requested to help people who cannot visit the office in person, and therefore they often deal with representatives, and have unwittingly been co-opted into this.

But I am not surprised that your husband is using pressure tactics and being manipulative as he has good form in this area.

Consider how best to protect your private/personal information, whether this is buying a cheap safe or lockable cabinet or other strategies.

alexandra_cmpbll

They would only have breaches data protection act, if they entered into discussing demirs circumstances If they knew her current relationship status with her tormentor.. Who knows, he maybe said he was doing a favour for a friend or sister, he wouldnt have told the truth,

blue_monkey_2

what an absolute ar sehole!! I would be fuming and you NEED to speak to the CAB. I also advise going to womens aid ASAP.

lemonpopcorn

Hi op just read all of the thread.

• i know you said you're not moving out, please don't !!!! I used to live in blackpool so know about renting there and the surrounding areas and it will cost you more than you are paying now in mortgage costs so you won't be better off, plus unless it's a council house or housing association property then it's an unsecure tenancy anyway so you could be moving every 6 months - year and all the costs involved in that, as well as the instability for the kids i.e changing school etc.

• as for ex saying it's either maintenance or mortgage, he's hoping you're clueless and that he can bully you into doing what SUITS HIM BEST, at no point has he put the needs of your children above his own.

• please contact gingerbread asap for advice re all aspects of being a single parent

• lock all important documentation away or store it at your parents house so that he cannot get access to important info that you have.

• find a family solicitor fast, preferably one that has experience of dealing with 'absent parents' like your ex, you need to start playing hard ball with him and not let him push you around and that includes applying for a restraining order. He seems to think you are a pushover which is why he has the nerve to STEAL your property and use your bed without even bothering to ask, then has the !!!!*** nerve to issue ultimatums about accepting either maintenance or mortgage when he is LEGALLY REQUIRED to pay both and knows it.

• i know it is hard being a single parent and at times it feels easier to go with the tide rather than fight it, but if you don't fight it you will end up in a worse situation than you are now.

• please contact tax credits asap and get the situation re underpayment sorted, it will help you feel as if you are more in control as well

big hugs to you, we are all here for you and you couldn't find a better bunch of people for support

NickyBat

OMG i am astounded and i think i would be going to my local police station and having a friendly chat with them and asking if you can change the locks or if not what exactly you can do to stop this idiot waltzing in and out as and when he chooses.