Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

alexandra_cmpbll

You are Not a bad parent. If it wasnt for you,where would the children be ? You are doing a great job whilst under an enormous amount of pressure. There is help out there, and you are not a lost cause. Believe me you will come out the other side x Get an appointment to see your gp, they may give you something to help lift your mood. Try to concentrate on the children and getting your own health back on track.x I have been where you are, i know I keep saying it but its the truth, i have been on my own for seven years with my children, I know its very hard but it will get better.

Kimitatsu

demir2424 wrote: »

At the moment I am in a situation where I can't sort housing until I know what my job situation is, I can't really commit to anything at work until I know where in the fylde I am going to be living, I can't tackle my credit card debt until I know my housing/work/maintenance situation - it's all a big big mess which is probably why nobody seems to be able to help or guide me.
I feel like a lost cause - everything is getting me so down - now under weekly supervision from my health visitor from my own and my children's emotional wellbeing.
Such a bad parent.

WHOA!!! You are NOT a bad parent.....your HV is there to support you and that is it. Have you contacted your credit cards and asked for a suspension of the debt? If you write to them and explain the situation offer to make a nominal payment and ask them to suspend the interest.....most will do that for six months. That will give you some breathing space.

Have you asked your employer if you can have an extra hour somewhere in the week? Or can you get a part time job just for a few hours? I know a couple of years ago there was a position posted for MSE themselves at 15 hours until we all pointed out that 16 hours really would be so much better! They changed the hours there and then.....even if its no more money then that extra hour will help you enormously, and if you explain that most employers will be sympathetic.

As has been said go and see your GP and explain everything to them - dont hold back. They will then be able to get you some more support and you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel.

Hugs
xx

blue_monkey_2

You are not a bad parent demir you are having a rough time. i agree you need to go and see your GP, do not be ashamed of needing help. I think everyone on here at some time or another, has needed it.

First and foremost. Does your solicitor specialise in Family law? You MUST have a solicitor who specilises in family law. I cannot believe a solicitor would advise a lone parent to get out of the house and make herself homeless when there is a partner who can pay the mortgage.

Can you turn this new job down and stay in the old one?

I'd also stop paying the mortgage and pay for your childs childcare with that money. Let HIM sort the house out - you can go on the council list!!

alexandra_cmpbll

I agree blue monkey, I cant believe a solicitor would tell a lone parent to get out the house with two small children to care for. Thats terrible ! and i am not a solicitor, but the wrong advice in my opinion.

demir2424

My gp is my boss - so really don't feel comfortable asking for help as all my work colleagues will no doubt see my prescriptions. Frightened he might take the phlebotomy opportunity away if I say I am strugging.
My new solicitor specialises in family law and has gave me the same advise as my last solicitor.
Already on a temporary reduced payment plan with my credit card company but this will run out in 3 months (as maximum time is 12 months)
This new job is something I have wanted to do for years and would if given a extra few hours a week work around school.

blue_monkey_2

I have started a new thread for her over here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/40464456#Comment_40464456 I understand she is working and might not get the time to post again but I think I've got all the facts, if I have it wrong or missed anything then someone please say. Hopefully someone with more experience in this can come and advise her.

I would be depressed as well. WTH has this country come to when the CAB are telling a mother to leave her house when she does not even earn enough money for the rent and the father is living a life of luxury and can more than afford to keep the roof over his childrens heads. Bloody hell. I do not know who I am more p issed off with, the CAB, solicitor advise or him!

I would now be stopping paying the rent, go see the council and starting to save the mortgage money. Once the bailiff is tapping at the door, then I'll go. Chances are he'll not want his name on a default and pay it. Go on, force his hand. You can forward all the bank letters onto him so HE can deal with the arrears, although you'll both be liable for them, they will go after the one earning the most money. Demir. Do not pay a single penny more, you need to play the game too I am afraid.

Either or will happen. You'll get evicted and have the 1st month rent and deposit for somewhere else and then can claim LHA (it'll be a 2 bed though) or you'll get housed by the council. It'll take 9 months to a year to get evicted so you could save £200 a month and have at least £1800. I think you need to get tough and play the game sweetheat, sorry.

blue_monkey_2

demir2424 wrote: »

My gp is my boss - so really don't feel comfortable asking for help as all my work colleagues will no doubt see my prescriptions. Frightened he might take the phlebotomy opportunity away if I say I am strugging.
My new solicitor specialises in family law and has gave me the same advise as my last solicitor.
Already on a temporary reduced payment plan with my credit card company but this will run out in 3 months (as maximum time is 12 months)
This new job is something I have wanted to do for years and would if given a extra few hours a week work around school.

Send the CC company a letter explaining that you have no money (include a statement of affairs and tell them your hubby has left you) and then offer £1 a month token payments. Go and get help from the Debt Free Wannabee board, they will have lots of template letters. Really, you have nothing to lose.

if you have a bad credit record and cannot rent, the council will have to house you as you have children.

Time to step up the game and get tough I am afraid.

Can you change GP surgerys?

amani_2

When I was a single parent with 2 young children, I was adviced by my soliciltor to remain in my property which was in joint names at the time. I got help with my mortgage but I was not working. Even when I remarried and my husband lost his job the mortgage was still in joint names with my ex (who never gave me a penny towards the mortgage from the day he left), and we still got help paying the mortgage we had to find a small amount towards it, but a big portion was paid for us. I have now after many years got the mortgage in my name only.

I dont know why you think you wont get help with the mortgage, unless the rules have changed. This for me was 4 years ago.

Hope this helps.


ps my house was also in negetive equity.

ekkygirl

Your ex sounds like a complete a.r.s.e. He is a bully and the law can protect you from him. Domestic abuse is does not have to be physical. You could possibly get a restraining order (not sure if this is what I mean) keeping him away from the house, even if he is on the mortgage
I might be tempted to call his bluff and tell him to keep the children while you go and work and maybe pay him some maintenance if you felt like it.
It is a joke that he seems to have more protection that you. He is financially abusing you. As previously advised stop paying the mortgage stay there for free, until repo order happens It sounds like you have credit problems anyway so nothing to lose by letting that happen. Stop paying the credit card tell then to default it so that the interest stops accruing.
Life on you own skint but happy is better than life with a selfish bully. You don't know it yet but he has done you a massive favour, Their are good men in the world, (I have bagged the best one after a similar story to your own 27 years ago) Dont let him put you off.
Good luck
Ekky

RAS

demir2424 wrote: »

Ex turned up last night with some paperwork from citizens advice - he went yesterday with one of my pay slips and a receipt from nursery and they did a benefit check for me - can they do this?
He said you should be ok now and need no help as this is what you should and could be claiming, so left again saying choose between living in the house and no maintenance or moving out and maintenance payments.
I am not getting the amounts of money that ca have told him and I don't have my appointment until thursday 20th.
So angry that he has taken my pay slips and receipts whilst i was at work and that they gave him this information.

demir

Please will you stop listening to anything said by your ex. Just refuse to even let him speak to you about the case.

What he says about the CSA and CAB are completely and utterly irrelevant. Your finances are none of his business and they have no legal right to discuss them with him. So I actually doubt if either of them have done.

BY LAW, you are entitled to maintenance - 20 percent of his salary (how much is that) whether you live in this house or in another house. And the CSa will NOT take into account any cash payments he has made to you since you make the CSA claim.

Please go to the Child Support sub-forum above and talk to people who know the rules.

BY LAW, you are entitled to certain benefits, depending on your circumstances, including housing support. You will get this whether he pays maintenance or not.

Where you are in a quandary is:

1. Your housing support will only cover reasonable accomodation fopr your and the children. if your current house is too big, they may not pay the full cost of living there.

2. Because your ex is a joint tenant, unless you can get a restraining order, he can come and go any time he likes. It may be to your advantage to sell up and move on.

Can you advise if there is any equity in the house?