Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

blue_monkey_2

No, he has to pay for having your name removed and you have to agree. And he has to be able to afford it.

Thing is, he does not have a choice as to what he is going to pay. What has your solicitor said?

If it was me it pretty much seems he wants you out and you have nowhere to go - he will just stop paying the mortgage so call his bluff. I'd be tempted to stop paying my half of the mortgage too, let him do whatever he wants to do, once he wolves are at the door he has a choice, let it get repossessed or pay the full amount off and then you can just carry on staying and do the same thing all over again. If he is interested in buying you out I'd be asking for at least 10k!! Once you are shot of the house you can then get LHA but that money would be enough to start you up again.

You would not be able to rent somewhere middle of Jan and expect LHA, they will not pay you anything while you have interest in another property.

blue_monkey_2

dawyldthing wrote: »

snipped - well, he can go and get knotted!

Don't take this the wrong way but my mum used to say that, it just gave me a smile to myself, not heard that saying for ages.

Kimitatsu

He cannot take you off the deeds without your permission and I promise you that you will get more than 50% of the equity awarded to you in the property!

I realise at the moment it seems really tough, its a really emotive time of year, he is pushing you to get on with it and it seems like he holds all the cards but he really doesnt.

So to begin with you were married so he has parental rights over the boys, he is named on their birth certificates (and it takes two parents to do that) so unless he was disputing parentage in which case he would have had to have a DNA test he is liable for maintenance from the time the CSA contacted him (and that can be by telephone).

He does not have the right to decide what and when he wants to pay, you need to claim the maintenance from him and you need to ensure that the CSA do it properly. If you have an assessment in place thats great, but you need to push for arrears. It wont stop any payments that he still has to pay so you have nothing to lose.

Its up to you if you choose to accept anything else from him, in the eyes of the CSA he can choose to pay for everything in the house but the maintenance assessment still stands unless YOU tell them you have accepted it in lieu of maintenance.

He is trying to butter you up, he thinks that if you think he still wants you, you will move out of the house in the hope that you two will get back together again. Dont move - please. Blue monkey is quite right (thanks BM- not something I had thought about) but with all of the govt cuts everywhere will be looking at how they can save money, and technically the equity in that house is still your asset.

Look forward, in February (now 5 weeks away) you get a few more hours at work, that will help. Within a year, your youngest will be entitled to free nursery tuition for some sessions, that will help, and you will have had the time to make the decisions that benefit you the best rather than being pushed into something because you feel harrassed and pestered. Its never an easy road, but you need to get somoeone to go through the figures for you and see what can be done. Do you have a financial adviser at all? They may be able to help you look at what can be done in both the short and long term.

Although it seems like you are scraping along at the moment it WILL get better. The boys are very young currently, and although you feel bad they will not remember any of it, they will just remember having their mum to themselves when they needed her.

As for the ex, I dont think I can print my opinion on here without getting banned :rotfl:

blue_monkey_2

Also, this is not something hugely publicised (and I hope this might be the case still) but if your family income is under 23k your children are entitled to 9 free nursery hours (3 sessions a week) in the TERM before their 3rd birthday. No-one told me and I read it somewhere but I asked and yes, I got the free sessions.

Maybe someone here will know about this but that would be an extra £125 a month if that is still the case (this was 4 years ago for me). However, they will not tell you, you do have to ask, they will ask to see your CTC award for proof.

ETA: I cannot ifnd it online but this nursery has details about the scheme for funded 2 year olds: http://www.greatamwellnursery.co.uk/index.asp?menu=2&id=9843 Scroll about 3/4 way down.

narabanekeater

I thought it was 15 hours a week starting the term after the childs 3rd birthday but blue_monkey id be greatful for any info you have as im paying fully for my almost 3 year old - Many Thanks
OP- I wish you all the very best xx

susan1105

Hello sorry to hear about horrid ex.

My ex left two years ago and we are now divorced at last.

If you name is on the deeds and you are going to stay in the house you can get a servance of tenacy to say he no longer lives there and this is registered with the land registry even if his name is on the deeds he has no access to the house. He would have to sign this.

Once his name is off the mortage you could possible get the mortage to be an interest only and you could have the government pay the interest they wont touch the capital. This would be depending on the mortage company of course.

Thankfully my mortage is low so I have been able to pay mine.

Go see another lawyer and get fresh advice, dont leave the house I have three boys and was adviced that ex would be entiled to a third of any equity instead of half, thankfully took a lot less as he had the guilt factor lol he took 10% of the equity in the end.

Was adviced that if you agree to pay the equity when youngest turns 18 the % figure would be the price in that year and not current price it would be now.

Hope your finances get sorted out quickly

Does he have the children regulary,

Take care

Mojisola

I also think that you should see a new solicitor. You don't seem to be getting very good advice from the current one.

elisebutt65

Does he know you're going to be away over Xmas??? If not, then don't tell him - if he already does then I would do as a previous poster has suggested and remove all bedding from the house!!!

I'd also stick big rude signs on the beds saying 'Don't scr£w in my bed you dirty f£ckers!!! When the kids aren't looking though:rotfl:

I also agree with the last OP - what is it with your solicitor? He's not a mate of your ex's is he???

If you leave the house then you're making yourself intentionally homeless and you can kiss housing benefit goodbye - esp as the house is still in jointly your name.

Just instruct your solicitor to tell him that you're staying put and he can either try and buy you out or he'll have to keep paying his share until your youngest is 18 and then you can sell and get your share of the equity.

Or neither of you pay - house gets re-possessed in about 12-18 months time and you both lose the equity?

And please. please chase the CSA and make sure that they make him pay from when contact was made - NOT the 24/11!

Oh - just thought - have you chased WTC yet, as they should be paying 80% of your childcare?

[Deleted User]

Have you managed to get through to Tax Credits yet and find out why you are not being paid enough?? I just feel all this stress and worry you are under could easily be solved if you were getting the right Tax Credit?? Don't rely on CSA, They will get it eventually but I didn't get payment for 2 Years, which is why I attempted to sue them but they settled out of court and I just took the money cause I was at breaking point. If you can sort the Tax Credits out you will have the money within 7 days????

Jowo_2

demir2424 wrote: »

that is where i am stuck, he will only either pay maintenance or half mortgage payments - not both.
.

I think you should get legal advice about your housing rights, including a solicitor as my understanding is that some husbands are expected (and therefore ordered by the court) to permit their ex wife to live in their home until the youngest turns 18 or where the family home is transferred to the parent residing with children. I believe some solicitors offer an initial 30 minute appointment for free. You also need to initiate divorce proceedings which will help formalise a settlement, including your rights to the family home.

http://divorce.moneymadeclear.org.uk/

In the meantime, the Shelter website's secton about relationship breakdown which has basic information about how joint ownership works, plus it has a section on what to do if an owner potentially faces repossession (the govt schemes to prevent this and how to deal with the mortgage company), plus a section on your rights if you ever become homeless (i.e. your husband kicks you out or the mortgage company repossesses).

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown/options_for_homeowners


http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/relationship_breakdown/options_for_homeowners/married_couples_and_civil_partners#5

Go to a Shelter Advice centre

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/advice_services_directory

They have a dedicated home owners helpline for those worried about paying the mortgage, plus info here on options to prevent repossession.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repossession/homeowner_helpline
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/repossession


Go and find out your rights here on the Community Legal Advice site

http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/

You should also consider contacting Womens Aid as domestic abuse isn't simply when a person is hit by their partner, it's about being controlled by them, including the partner deliberately wreaking 'financial violence' on them, trying to keep them poor. They have specialist advice on housing and benefit matters.

Your husband's behaviour is abusive, as far as I'm concerned, including the economic disadvantage that he is forcing on you, and using your marital home for sexual activities with his mistress. It also includes the rather weak attempts at charm, where he's hoping to butter you up with piddly gifts to get you to quit the house without argument. He has shown you considerable disrespect, is applying pressure on you to get what he wants which is very different from what you are legally entitled to.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

I would think he is hoping to kick you out of the property and sell it, keeping all the equity from the sale, and all you'll get back is insecurity and poverty for your children, and even if he coins in tens of thousands of pounds from the sale, you'll be lucky to see anything more than a box of poundshop cleaning materials.

Don't cooperate, don't even get into discussions with him about the CSA, the house and so on, get expert legal advice and follow their advice. Don't leave the house, just kick off divorce proceedings once you've got a full understanding of what your legal entitlements is, the type of settlement he is required to give you. At the moment you are dispairing about the mortgage payments and this type of worries is what he is thriving upon as he attempts to smoke you out of a property that he should be providing for you to bring up his kids.

Although you worry that you can't afford the house, as your husband will withdraw payment of the mortgage, there are various schemes available, plus your husband may not want to jeopardise the equity in the property knowning that the mortgage company could repossess it. If he stops paying, it will essentially mean he's cutting off his nose to spite his face as he ruins the investment he's made in it and it actually positions you better for the local council to help you find onward accommodation, as you would be homeless because you could not pay your mortgage due to your husband's abusive behaviour.

Without trawling back through all the pages, I can't remember that he's proposing to divorce you so perhaps he actually realises his obligations to a settlement, including the potential that the property would be transferred to you, so this is why he's not initiated a divorce, simply because he's aware that it will cost him dearly. If he's not keen to divorce you, this must be because he realises that property adjustment orders can only be made as part of divorce proceedings and this is why it is important that you do not leave the property until you know your rights.

"If you are married or in a civil partnership, a decision on the long-term rights you have to your home can be made as part of your divorce/dissolution proceedings...





The most common property adjustment orders the court can make are:

• transferring the home from one partner to the other
• selling the home and splitting the proceeds
• delaying the sale of a home"