Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

demir2424

The 24th November is when he confirmed that he was the father of both my boys to the csa so that is when he must pay from - it doesn't mean I will get anything though. But 20% of his weekly wages would leave me and my babies feeling like we are living in luxury!!

blue_monkey_2

Demir, I am pleased that things seem to be on the move, as I said in my PM I've been really ill and have not been able to get out - but a promise is a promise and the parcel is ready. It also spurred me on to get of some more stuff on Freecycle too (I can move in one of the rooms now!!).

I went to the shop with the parcel Fri but it is too big for them so I am sending it on a courier. I am arranging it for Monday with delivery Weds BUT we do have a lot of snow at the moment and because we are rural, I am not sure how the roads are elsewhere. Just a few bits for the boys, but I have to remove the Xmas crackers I put in (I thought it would be nice for Xmas day) as the carrier will not take them and knowing my luck a dog will sniff them out or something and refuse to deliver. Hope it goes someway to making you smile and, even if it does not arrive by Xmas Day, will be something you can give the boys.

demir2424

thank you blue monkey xx

demir2424

Of my 50 pounds (given to me my ex husband to buy presents for eldest, baby and myself - ha ha!) I have bought eldest 'pumpaloons' at 15 pounds, 2 x fleecy sleepsuits @ 4.00 each from primark (1 for each to wear on christmas eve) and today I will walk up to poundstretcher and get 2 selection boxes and some bags of chocolate coins. I might have a look if they have any small cheap baby toys too. My mum bought my eldest a soft stuff play dough set on thursday from elc so he is really into that at the moment, might buy him a couple of tubs of play doh. A neighbour brought around a bnib tomy hide and squeak eggs toy for baby that she was going to give to a charity shop so that another thing to wrap for baby.
Also my next door neighbour, who is nearly 90, brought around 2 gifts for the boys - I am so touched by all the nice people there are still in this world.
I will go to my parents house for christmas day and probably stop over night (just hope ex and his girlfriend don't use my house or bed again!!!)
I was hoping my mum would spoil the boys on Christmas day with gifts, but she bought us a tumble dryer for the home yesterday - which is really useful. Luckily my eldest is more entertained by the snow - I just hope nursery is open on monday as I am working extra all next week.

sazzybum

blue_monkey wrote: »

Demir, I am pleased that things seem to be on the move, as I said in my PM I've been really ill and have not been able to get out - but a promise is a promise and the parcel is ready. It also spurred me on to get of some more stuff on Freecycle too (I can move in one of the rooms now!!).

I went to the shop with the parcel Fri but it is too big for them so I am sending it on a courier. I am arranging it for Monday with delivery Weds BUT we do have a lot of snow at the moment and because we are rural, I am not sure how the roads are elsewhere. Just a few bits for the boys, but I have to remove the Xmas crackers I put in (I thought it would be nice for Xmas day) as the carrier will not take them and knowing my luck a dog will sniff them out or something and refuse to deliver. Hope it goes someway to making you smile and, even if it does not arrive by Xmas Day, will be something you can give the boys.

It's people like you , blue, who remind me that there are good, kind people in the world :T:T

Demir-I'm glad that the CSA have sorted something out. And remember-this is only one Christmas of many more to come, this time next year, this will be something you look back on and say 'well that was tough-but look where we are now''. Happy Christmas to you and your boys x

sandraroffey

please, change the locks!!!!!! you dont need to buy the whole lock, just the barrel in the middle. it isnt hugely expensive and very easy to do. he cant get in then.

have you applied for a budgeting loan or a crisis loan from the social fund people.. its interest free. but can take a few weeks to come through. they take the repayments from your benefits before you get them so you dont really miss it. and its low repayments. apply for one if you havent already got one, and change that lock. anyone can apply for a crisis loans, working or not. not sure about the budgeting loan but a phone call can find that out.

its your home now. not his. even if his name is on it. HE moved out so clearly doesnt not see this as his home any more. and hey, the lock stopped working properly and you were concerned for safety.

blue_monkey_2

sandraroffey wrote: »

please, change the locks!!!!!! you dont need to buy the whole lock, just the barrel in the middle. it isnt hugely expensive and very easy to do. he cant get in then.

have you applied for a budgeting loan or a crisis loan from the social fund people.. its interest free. but can take a few weeks to come through. they take the repayments from your benefits before you get them so you dont really miss it. and its low repayments. apply for one if you havent already got one, and change that lock. anyone can apply for a crisis loans, working or not. not sure about the budgeting loan but a phone call can find that out.

its your home now. not his. even if his name is on it. HE moved out so clearly doesnt not see this as his home any more. and hey, the lock stopped working properly and you were concerned for safety.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. We have discussed this with the OP. He can come and go as he pleases until the house is sold or a judge says otherwise, the OP is not allowed to change he locks. It is not worth the hassle this will cause so please bear this in mind if advising anyone else of the same.

sandraroffey

he doesnt live there any more. he chose to leave so doesnt want it as his home. my landlord owns the place i live in but he doesnt let himself in and out.

she must be able to put something there, a new lock as well as, the old lock??? he cant be alalowed to continue to do this. and trust me, i know from experience, that restraining orders and such like, arent worth the paper they are written on.

blue_monkey_2

sandraroffey wrote: »

he doesnt live there any more. he chose to leave so doesnt want it as his home. my landlord owns the place i live in but he doesnt let himself in and out.

she must be able to put something there, a new lock as well as, the old lock??? he cant be alalowed to continue to do this. and trust me, i know from experience, that restraining orders and such like, arent worth the paper they are written on.

No, she cannot. Your landlord has given YOU a tenancy agreement giving you the roght to live in that house in exchange for rent each month.

The OP's ex owns half the house and can come and go as he pleases until she buys him out, sells the house or the judge orders him to stop coming and going.

He CAN continue to do this unless someone with the power to do so, tell him so - usually this would be done via the court. This could be, for example, in a divorce settlement. Until then she cannot change the locks, if she does he has to have a new key. Otherwise SHE could be the one finding herself in trouble.

1000's of people also in the same situation sadly: http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/General-Non-Divorce/234681-Can-I-change-the-locks.html

FBaby

Itching powder on the bedding?
Just wishing you good luck demir, you are being a wonderful strong mum and your boys will learn so much from you. My gut feeling is telling me that hubby will soon be knocking the door for forgiveness in the New Year though....