Struggling mum of 2 - where do I turn for help??

dizzybuff

Personally i think he is a twonk for asking you to move out with his sons . But then again thats justa personal opinion.

margaretclare

Just to say how sorry I am for this unasked-for situation.

A few points from me:

You mentioned your 80-year old grandmother. People of that generation are a mine of information when it comes to cutting corners and saving money. She would give you practical support and help, so don't be too proud to get in touch with her. They've seen it all, been there, done it and nothing surprises them any more.

The age that your children are, they barely *know* about Christmas and it won't matter to them. As others have said, the most important things are love, warmth and play. Not with expensive games! DH often reminds himself that when his children were little they would play for hours with the boxes the toys came in. They'd have hours and hours of creative and innocent play with large cardboard boxes, the kind that kitchen white goods come in - these can usually be had for nothing. He'd cut doors and windows in the box to make a toy 'house'.

At this time of year root vegetables are seasonal and therefore cheap. Make a large pan of soup with stock cubes, a tin of chopped tomatoes, a large onion, carrots and any other veg - parsnips, swede etc. Cheap, nourishing and warm, with some bread. Baked potatoes with cheese. Cheap cuts of meat from your local butcher, make a stew with added root veg.

No idea what 'fruit shoots' are so I'll pass on that one. We have Robinson's no added sugar to add to water, we drink a lot of that.

Also McD's happy meals or KFC, I wouldn't give them house-room. They are rubbish and are just designed to get children accustomed to seeing the logos everywhere so they'll be future captive customers.

One thing your ex says I will agree with. There is NO shame in poverty. I should know. I grew up in a time when there were no benefits, but also, expectations were much less high and people made do with much less in terms of this world's goods. I recall one Christmas when we had a rabbit for Christmas dinner. We certainly never had all the stuff that is advertised today, and I've done all right. However, he is not the one to point this out - the p*llock!

No matter what your ex says, do not move out just to please him. The only time you should ever move out is if a court bailiff arrives with an eviction order in his hand. Until that time, sit tight.

Best wishes

DX2

demir2424 wrote: »

Received a letter from the csa telling me that payments will be starting soon from ex - they can't confirm dates but it will be backdated to 24th november which is the day he confirmed he was the father of my 2 children.

You need to get back in contact with the CSA. This isn't right, maintenance isn't calculated from when he chooses to reply. Of course I am assuming you mean November this year 2010, not November 2009.

Nobody else seems to have picked up on this point, that's the only reason I am posting since I'm not really welcome on this thread

Kimitatsu

demir2424 wrote: »

The 24th November is when he confirmed that he was the father of both my boys to the csa so that is when he must pay from - it doesn't mean I will get anything though. But 20% of his weekly wages would leave me and my babies feeling like we are living in luxury!!

Demir were you married? Is his name on the birth certificate? If it is then he has not a leg to stand on so as DX2 says (who is welcome on this thread ) then they should be backdating his claim to when they first contacted him.

Otherwise they are opening a whole can of worms!!

DX2

What if the Non-Resident Parent Refuses to Provide the CSA with information?

If the CSA does not have the necessary information in order to undertake an assessment because the non-resident parent has refused to provide that information, the CSA can apply a “default maintenance decision”. This is calculated on the number of children the non-resident parent must pay child maintenance for. The default rates are:-

• £30 per week for one child;
• £40 per week for two children;
• £50 per week for three children or more.

When the non-resident parent does provide the information required, or the information required by the CSA is obtained in some other way, a full assessment will be undertaken. The correct calculation will then be back-dated to the date from which the default maintenance decision took effect. This may result in the CSA seeking arrears from the non-resident parent.

Js_Other_Half

Could you have an early 'spring clean' before you go away for a day or two at Christmas? You know the sort of thing, all bedding in the wash, quilts being 'aired or washed at a neighbours', mattresses standing on their sides to air?

So sorry you are having to go through this, but the children won't care or remember that this Christmas isn't as you would have wished.

demir2424

yes we were and still technically are married. He came round today to show me his csa letter, he says he will call them tomorrow to explain that he will pay maintenance for his children, but from 15th january 2011, as that will give me and the kids 2 weeks payment before we move out of the family home at the end of january (as he did promise we could have christmas in the house). He can ask the csa whatever he wants, but i hope i know their answer.
I also found the csa explaination of 24th nov strange.

Also today when my eldest fell asleep, he (the ex) told me that he had an erotic dream about me last night and it brought back good memories - I think he thought I was just going to just jump into bed with him!!! - he lives in his own little world.
I just answered "I don't think it was me, was it not whoever you were with last night because I am never going their again".

He also offered to do any shopping that I needed, he said "If you ever need anything, milk, bread, nappies and you can't get out with the kids because of bad weather etc. Please call me and I will bring any shopping to you as soon as I can"
I am thinking that this is another trap - I call asking for nappies, he buys a cheap pack of nappies and then can say - I bought you nappies when you desperately needed them. He may even call the csa to tell them that "I bought her a pack of nappies, please deduct from my payment this month"!!!

demir2424

DX2 you are welcome on this thread - I thought we sorted out the misunderstanding ( I thought you were trying to put me off claiming anything via the csa, tax credits etc and I also thought you were a father being chased for maintenance) - but we have sorted this out and I have reread your direct answers which now don't sound so scary!!

DX2

demir2424 wrote: »

yes we were and still technically are married. He came round today to show me his csa letter, he says he will call them tomorrow to explain that he will pay maintenance for his children, but from 15th january 2011, as that will give me and the kids 2 weeks payment before we move out of the family home at the end of january (as he did promise we could have christmas in the house). He can ask the csa whatever he wants, but i hope i know their answer.
I also found the csa explaination of 24th nov strange.

He may even call the csa to tell them that "I bought her a pack of nappies, please deduct from my payment this month"!!!

He hasn't a bloody clue! The CSA don't work on when he wants to pay what a moron. And don't worry about him paying for nappies etc the CSA don't care about that sort of things.

Legally he only has to pay child support, he doesn't have to buy nappies etc. I somehow think he may be starting to realise which side his bread was buttered on.

DX2

demir this link might be of some assistance to you: http://www.nacsa.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=99&Itemid=129