Can ex wife change child contact arrangements?

surreybased

Glad your OH has an agreement over Xmas, probadly in reflection he will see that the emotion of xmas causes parents to dig their heels in which is a total shame. I imagine however the solicitor has encouraged the mum to be reasonable and seek some agreement as well. Blocking contact as she suggested would be viewed as unreasonable by a court.

Sadly I think your partner will have to seek a court order so that there is certainty for contact. Process is an application to court and a judge will either make an order defining contact or request a cafcass report (who will speak to both parents individually, the children and other adults - maybe the school). Usually a judge will just implement the cafacass recommendations.
Children are encouraged to spend time with both parents - and I'm not sure every other weekend is sufficient time to build that relationship. I think its great that your OH gets to spend time actively being involved with the children - such as activities. One factor here is that finances could be affected if there is more of a pattern of shared care. I really hope this doesn't play a part in he change of contact.
Best approach is for your OH to remain calm, not to react even if he is receiving solicitors letters that don't contain the facts. In the event of court a judge doesn't look through the past letters. In the New Year if the situation hasn't changed then your OH should seek mediation with the ex and if that fails a court order. Since a previous agreement is in writing I suspect your OH has a strong case and a judge would take a dim view of a parent who has withheld contact.

On the previous weekend contact did the children go home on Sunday evening or Monday?

supa-girl

Hi

Just a post in support, a friend of mine experienced this - his ex reduced the contact by half, in this case because he and his new wife had a baby together. He had no choice but to go along with it (or she would have stopped contact entirely) but immediately applied to the court for a defined court order. He had no soliictor as he couldn't afford one, so he just lodged the forms himself.

He had never had xmas day as she wouldn't even entertain it and he had accepted it (prior to court) as he didn't want to rock the boat.

Long story short, his ex put up one hell of a fight and cafass spoke with the children as they were old enough to have a say. He was awarded a defined contact order reinstating the contact to the level it was before the reduction and was also awarded half the school hols and alternate xmas', this being what the children had expressly stated they would like.

The process wasnt nice for him and I know it got him down but as a result he has a much better relationship with his children and all the threats of "do this/that or I'll stop contact" that he used to get have pretty much stopped.

It can be done, but it does look like court is going to be his best bet in the long run.

SG

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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[Deleted User]

Hi bargainhunter, just wanted to say that I sympathise with your situation as have been watching my partner go through hell for the last 4 years more so over the last 18mths when his ex took his daughter to the other side of the world on holiday and didn't come back and decided to live there and he didn't yet have his parental rights, it was horrible but they are back in the UK now and we too are currently going through court proceedings. No one can really tell you what your chances of success are as obviously every ones story is different and there are a lot of factors brought into these case's when making the decisions but at the end of the day the most important people in this are the children and thats who CAFCASS and the Judge will be thinking of when making that decision. Our solicitor has said that we have a really strong case and he doesn't see why my OH wouldn't be granted the contact he has asked for, he has requested 3 out of 8 nights with us and 5 out of 8 with her mum (we work on a 8 night week due to OH's working shifts) two weeks in the summer holidays with us (also we have requested it be noted in the contact order that OH's DD's passport is handed over to us at this time too so that his ex can't stop us from going on holiday AGAIN), suprisingly christmas isn't an issue with us, OH's DD stays with her mum christmas eve until lunch time christmas day and then comes to us christmas day lunch time until boxing day (its the only contact they agree on and haven't had any problems with....yet.lol.) to be with us on our childrens birthdays and with her mum on her other siblings birthdays and that they both see her on her birthday one in morning til lunch and one from lunch til evening.....and thats it so nothing unreasonable, still with her mum the majority of the time but would be classed as a shared care order. We too have had his ex remove his DD from school early to refuse access and have a constant battle regarding child maintanance ( before anyone starts getting at me-my OH always paid until CSA cancelled claim because his ex refused to answer their questions, she now refuses to go back to them, we will not pay her direct as she has lied about receiving this money in the past resulting in thousands in back pay for my OH and she won't accept payment by SO only cash so we can't win...we currently save the money in an account until she will go to the CSA) we have booked family holidays 3 times around the dates his ex gave us for her to only refuse to let her come with us the week before every time, I have documented everything from the last 4 years including keeping all text messages and email (they don't communicate over the phone at all anymore) and this will go to court with my OH - it may not be used or needed but it can't help to keep a track of everything. We have also been to see OH's DD's school and made them aware of whats going on so that they can inform us if they think it is affecting DD at school. All I can say is keep your heads up and stick at it, hopefully your OH will be successful... we have only just re started our proceedings but we are confident that we will be successful but at the same time not getting our hopes up just in case, the main thing for us is we know that what we are asking for is what OH's DD wants too, if it wasn't my OH would accept that and leave things as they are. I know how frustrating it can be to be the OH in all this as you have to watch your OH go through hell and you can't really get involved at all as when it comes down to it although it effects you as well (and in our case effects our son not getting to see his sister) it is ultimatley between your OH and his ex as they are the parents.....personally I just can't wait for our ordeal to be over with as it will make things so much easier for us all not having to run our lives around his ex and her mood swings. Sorry if I have gone on too much just trying to get across your not on your own, if you want to PM me for any info or just to vent and chat about things then thats fine. Keep us updated on your case I will be interested to see how things work out for you and GOOD LUCK. xx

BARGAINHUNTER!

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lepetit

Go for it BargainHunter - we did!!!
We spent years at the beck and call of my fiance's ex about when we could and couldn't see his son (now 11) constantly having bow to hers whims changing contact here and there, not letting the LO see his if 'daddy had a bad attitude' etc. Totally using the child to get at my fiance because she knows he is the most important thing to my fiance.
So in April last year we applied to court after trying and failing to get her to listen to the fact that the LO was very unhappy with how much he saw his dad outside of court.
Contact has increased ever since and all school holidays were equal including great contact over Xmas.
Last week we got shared residence!!! And now have 3 nights per week plus the LO (now really wants 4 nights here and 3 with her) gets to talk to CAFCASS at any point if he is unhappy with contact.

Best thing we ever did!!! I know not all women but the mothers that use their children as ways to just make their ex's life miserable disgust me - they put their own vindictive plans before their child's best interests and the courts are waking up to that fact - the judge had none of it from the mother with us!!! It was great!!!

Go for it!!! The LO's will thank you so so much when they are old enough to fully comprehend what you did for them!