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Can ex wife change child contact arrangements?
Comments
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post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
post deletedMFW 2011 challenge - Aim: Overpay £414.26 a month/£5,000 a year. Overpayment Total to date: £414.26:jMortgage start 28/9/07 £46,217.00 :TMortgage balance as of 25/05/11 £24,490.58 :T
Interest saved as of 25/05/11: £2,849.84 Projected term reduction as of 25/05/11: 9 years 11 months0 -
I think its awful when people use children like weapons. I dont understand why your partners ex suddenly had to throw all contact arrangements up in the air. Your partner was being reasonable about Xmas. I would suggest going back to the solicitors who sorted this all out originally and having a letter drafted to the mum.
Has the mum asked the children what they want? Wherever they end up now they are going to feel guilt-ridden. How sad
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I think the solution that your OH and his ex have come up with sounds fair and is the best compromise.
I also think it's important for your OH to be more tactful when broaching access rights on special holidays like Christmas (and birthdays and even Easter) and not to just assume it is business as usual.
It very rarely is.
As she had done it 'his way' the year before it natural to assume that this year it would be done slightly differently, more her way. She may not be comfortable playing 'happy' families all together any more and staying over with the children, but your OH didn't check to see how she felt about it. He invited her over based on an assumption that the same thing would be happening this year as last year. But that was the first Christmas they were apart and she may now not be comfortable with that kind of arrangement - which to be honest you should be quite pleased about. I wouldn't be happy with my OH staying overnight with an ex under any circumstances, whether there were children involved or not.
By the way, my BIL has his daughter every other Christmas Day. When he doesn't see her on Christmas Day, he has her on Boxing Day. That arrangement has worked well for the last 10 years or so and the rest of the family arrange their Christmas to see her. This year she's at her Dad's, so me, hubby and one set of grandparents will go over on Christmas afternoon to see her and we'll all open our presents together. On Boxing Day she's with her mum, and her mum's parents and family go there and they will have a second Christmas and present opening session. There's no animosity and no-one feels hard done by. And there's no exes staying over.
She gets two Christmases and loves it!"carpe that diem"0 -
Good grief - my DD has actively sought to reduce contact with her father and his OH this Christmas - she says she'd rather be at 'home' than in 'his house'.
I always insisted that I had her for Xmas Eve and Xmas Day, then the rest of the school holiday was open to discussion - after the first Christmas separated, when he came round and spent 45 minutes talking about how awful his new girlfriend's life was (forgetting/ignoring it was only three days after the due date of the baby I had lost that year) and ignoring our daughter sitting on the floor wanting to show him her presents as she unwrapped them.
The following Christmases, he started demanding things as his right. So I made it clear that, without him being prepared to accept parental responsibility, unless I had a court order giving me instructions otherwise, I would always do what I felt to be in her best interests and would not kowtow to orders from anyone else.
As it was, I got DD to call him every single Christmas morning without fail and ask if he would like to come and pick her up late that afternoon, which he did, which meant I was sitting on my own from about 4 pm for a couple of days.
The one year I let her go earlier, she complained that the food was rubbish and consisted of one slice of meat and two potatoes (grandmother fears being fat above anything else on earth), her aunt acted like a two year old and sulked when DD (age 9) got more presents than her (age 33), and he disappeared 10 minutes after dinner for the rest of the time, leaving her to stay with his parents. So she asked me to 'tell Daddy I have to stay with you next Christmas'. I therefore had to bear the brunt of his anger about entitlements and turns, as I wasn't prepared to tell him that his own daughter had begged me to save her from going there again for Christmas Day.
This year, she's felt happy/confident enough to tell him what she wants - which he has respected, and I have invited him to come round in the morning, as we can be pretty confident he's not going to make a scene - and I think she's possibly being a bit hard on him for having a seriously dysfunctional family.
My point is, that whilst some people on the outside will think I was the most evil old witch imaginable, I did what I thought was best for DD - it wasn't about my feelings - or his.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
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