Can ex wife change child contact arrangements?

denton6

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Why on earth can't the law be changed so that there is a 50/50 split or as near damn it, thats fair on everyone, including the children.

i think you should back away from the situation, really what has it got to do with you. all you are doing is ganging up on the poor mother. the kids belong to them both yes, but you shouldnt be getting involved.leave them to sort it between themselves.

fizz

She can't go back on the house sale-the court won't have it. But have run out of ideas about xmas-sorry.x Let us know how you get on.x

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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fabforty

As always, there are two sides to very story and I suspect the wife will have different take on it.

OP, I remember your posts on this relationship from January this year, where it was clear that your partner had not behaved well at all - either towards you or his ex. You had been the other woman, he left his wife to be with you, had then slept with her behind your back, you forgave him, meanwhile he started to ignoe your calls and had you guessing whether or not you were still in a relationship. You finally concluded that he was a lying, cheating **** and you were walking away as you were better off without him. I was really surprised to see you posting again (about him)TBH.

I am not having a go, you have obviously decided to give the relationship another go and that is your perogative and of course you will want to defend your partner. Nor do I condone a mother who uses her children as a weapon simply to punish their father, but having followed your previous thread, I find it hard to view the mother as being just another bitter ex who is hell bent on hurting the father of her children. She may well be, but with so much baggage and water under the bridge, it's not always going to be easy to put your feelings aside and do what is right for your kids. Can you honestly say that your partner is a changed man and has done nothing to upset or antagonise his ex wife over th e past 11 months?

Having said that, I hope that the situation is resolved one way or the other, for the children's sakes if nothing else.

FBaby

swingaloo wrote: »

I would imagine that if you think it through that what the children really want is for mum and dad to grow up, cease hostilities and stop making them feel they have to agree with whichever parent they are with at the time. Presumably the mum will be saying that the kids want things her way as well. They must be torn trying to please both parents.
Whilst the children are old enough to have a say in how they feel and what they want it is really for the parents to lay the foundations for how things will work. If the children are taking the responsibility for having a say in the arrangements then they will feel to blame when the parents argue about them.

I totally agree with that. Again, I think your partner had good intention to ask the kids what they wanted and then tell their mum but that is using the kids as pawn, because what kids of separated parents want more and foremost is for their parents to be in happy and not in conflict and so will rarely say what they really want but what is most likely to appease their parents, focussing on the one who comes across most upset or the parents they are with at the time of the issue.

What he might think he is doing right might actually be infuriating her even more. Imagine the kids went back to mum and told her that really they want to spend Christmas with her but don't want to upset dad... It wouldn't be their fault, they might feel oblige to say or act the way they do, not by control of fear but control of hurt.

What I think he needs to do is ask her what he has done to upset her that she is deciding to change all the arrangement, that he thinks there might a misunderstanding as he is definitely prepared to be fair and to compromise, but that clearly something has gone wrong that she has now decided to change their arrangement they both through was working well.

Person_one

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Why on earth can't the law be changed so that there is a 50/50 split or as near damn it, thats fair on everyone, including the children.

Sorry, but that's not remotely fair on the children. Children need to feel as though they have a permanent 'home'. With a 50/50 split they often feel like they're either at 'mum's' or 'dad's' and never at 'mine'.

Its sad for the parent who gets them less of the time, but they really do need to have a permanent, full time home to call their own, where their stuff and their bedroom is and where they can feel completely comfortable and as though they unequivocally belong there, a default.

There's research on this, I'll try to find it.

BARGAINHUNTER!

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BARGAINHUNTER!

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liney

BARGAINHUNTER! wrote: »

Also, in the letter her solicitor sent it states that she went up to the school on the Friday and tried to reason with my partner against taking the kids but she left as she did not want to cause a scene. Again, this is a blatent lie - yes she went up to the school but did not say a word to my partner, only spoke to the kids, told them that she had come up to speak to her friend and took their schoolbags off of them. Again, there is a witness to this that she never spoke a word to him - even when he handed her her maintenance cheque!!

Regardless of all the He said, She said rubbish, they have come to a compromise for Christmas, great. I noted it's the 'unreasonable' Ex who has made the suggestion so she can't be all bad.

Are the arrangments now going to continue as usual after the holidays?