4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

KittyKate

Abby, I'm 28 and 6 months pregnant. I am married, and both my husband and I have good jobs and a nice flat. And even with that, I was frightened when I found I was expecting (even though we'd been trying ) because it's such a huge, huge responsibility.

I do understand how you feel. I became pregnant 8 years ago and sadly lost the baby. Whilst I would never ever wish that tragedy on anyone, there is a small part of me that thinks 'I wasn't ready'. I had nothing at 20 - just started out at uni, new relationship, no money and a horrible rented shared house. I'm not saying you can't make it work but you'll need to be prepared for tough times. I don't think I was strong enough to have a baby at 20, but being pregnant now is of course a reminder of what I lost. And yes, that does make me sad. If I'd made the decision to abort then I still think that feeling would be there. It's not something you can put on hold, it's something you end, and you can't get it back.

I can't advise you on what to do other than think long and hard about your choices. Like you, I don't really agree with abortion but there are other choices out there. I would strongly advise getting some impartial advice (bear in mind most counselling places will coax your feelings out of you but never advise you one way or the other). You sound really strong and I hope only the best for you - if you ever want to chat just send me a PM.

brians_daughter

abby1234519 wrote: »

I had been looking on their website actually and thinking hmmmm, I see nothing about keeping children! I need to speak to someone else methinks

LIFE are a anti abortion group, but they would help with talking through practicalities ie housing, help with talking to uni etc... your local brook can give you help too, this is non biased.

TBH if you are not sure what to do i would probably speak to all 3 and then try and make a decision based on your feelings and what you have learnt.

As already mentioned i hope you dont think i was preaching re BPAS but i was sooo shocked when i went.

Incase you are interested in what happens/happened to me I arrived and was given a number, they dont use your name to protect you.. i waited in a waiting room with a few other women in the same situ. After about 20 mins I was whisked into a room, briefly scanned to see how far gone I was, then I was lead to a councelling room where a woman went through various opions with me and gave me available dates and locations for the types of termination methods offered... That was it... i asked about keeping it and was told i needed to decide that myself they could only give information as to what they offer.

If a termination is what you have decided/decide then the info would be great, very informative and clear and easy to understand...but for someone like me who in reality wanted to keep it and just needed to be told it was ok it wasnt what i needed at that point in time.

As i say i would never judge anyone, and i am sure that others have had other experiences but i just had to share mine incase you went expecting what i expected x

onlyroz

brians_daughter wrote: »

lol, are you having a laugh? Students do not pay tax??? I wish... I have been paid today from my employer and i can assure you i pay tax.... the only time a student does not pay tax on earnings is if they earn under their personal allowance or if they work non term time in the summer... If they worked non term time and then so much as a week in term time the whole amount in that tax year is subjected to tax at normal rates.

OK, I was going by my own experience. As an undergrad I never made it over the personal allowance threshold. And as a postgrad I was earning around £10k a year from a tax-free government grant. Hence I was ineligible for SMP etc and assumed I would also be ineligible for any tax credits (although I'm not sure they even existed back then).

digitalphase

Just read through the whole thread, and thought I'd better reply.

I feel sorry for you in this situation, and it sounds like you did everything possible (apart from abstaining ) to prevent a pregnancy happening, so no one has any right to condemn you for that. Mistakes happen.

I am 27 and 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. I think back to being your age, and was a totally different person then, but remember feeling grown up for my age due to things I'd been through. Personally I'd have not been able to cope with a child then, as was far too selfish and also the relationship I was in I knew was doomed. We did have one pregnancy scare, and I think back and think thank goodness it was just a scare.
I am now in a long term relationship with a great man, who loves me as much as I love him, and feel very secure. Financially we are not well off, as I am not working full time, so just got dribs and drabs coming in. Thankfully he has a full time job. All we will get in way of benefits is about £80-100 a month, which is good but certainly wouldn't be an initiative to 'stay or get pregnant' as some people have implied on this thread I believe.

I may have gone off on a tangent, but thought you may like to read other's experiences, and how they have or plan to cope.

The main thing I have to say is regarding your depression. I suffered with depression last year/early this year due to my old job, so I relate to what you were saying, I then came off the tablets when I discovered I was pregnant. Sadly, it was a missed miscarriage, but it reinforced the fact I wanted to be a mother. Now I am happily pregnant again, a different kind of depression/anxiety rears its ugly head every now and again. I get awful feelings of loneliness that I can't shake. I have to go to OH's parents or something, as he is at work. I wonder how you would cope if the same happened to you, as you say you will have no parental nor the father's support. My mum, bless her, lives too far away, so is only able to chat to over the phone, but to be honest I do not like to worry her.

I have looked into going on pills, but there is no pill that is 100% or even a close percentage, close to being safe in pregnancy. I know I'd never forgive myself if me taking these pills affected my baby. I am just trying to cope now and get through the hard days.

So, just something else for you to consider. Speaking as a woman who is very happy being pregnant, you still get feelings of depression/anxiety sometimes, and people who have had depression before are more likely to get it worse when pregnant. Are you on pills for your bi-polar? How would you feel coming off of them?

Good luck whatever you decide, and sorry to have waffled

System

Also bear in mind if you're bipolar your meds could affect the pregnancy so check with your GP.

Blue_Monkey

Abby - hope you're doing ok. This thread here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2900430 gives a more lighthearted take on some of the points that me and others were trying to make on here and I thought of you..

abby1234519

digitalphase wrote: »

Just read through the whole thread, and thought I'd better reply.

I feel sorry for you in this situation, and it sounds like you did everything possible (apart from abstaining ) to prevent a pregnancy happening, so no one has any right to condemn you for that. Mistakes happen.

I am 27 and 18 weeks pregnant with my first child. I think back to being your age, and was a totally different person then, but remember feeling grown up for my age due to things I'd been through. Personally I'd have not been able to cope with a child then, as was far too selfish and also the relationship I was in I knew was doomed. We did have one pregnancy scare, and I think back and think thank goodness it was just a scare.
I am now in a long term relationship with a great man, who loves me as much as I love him, and feel very secure. Financially we are not well off, as I am not working full time, so just got dribs and drabs coming in. Thankfully he has a full time job. All we will get in way of benefits is about £80-100 a month, which is good but certainly wouldn't be an initiative to 'stay or get pregnant' as some people have implied on this thread I believe.

I may have gone off on a tangent, but thought you may like to read other's experiences, and how they have or plan to cope.

The main thing I have to say is regarding your depression. I suffered with depression last year/early this year due to my old job, so I relate to what you were saying, I then came off the tablets when I discovered I was pregnant. Sadly, it was a missed miscarriage, but it reinforced the fact I wanted to be a mother. Now I am happily pregnant again, a different kind of depression/anxiety rears its ugly head every now and again. I get awful feelings of loneliness that I can't shake. I have to go to OH's parents or something, as he is at work. I wonder how you would cope if the same happened to you, as you say you will have no parental nor the father's support. My mum, bless her, lives too far away, so is only able to chat to over the phone, but to be honest I do not like to worry her.

I have looked into going on pills, but there is no pill that is 100% or even a close percentage, close to being safe in pregnancy. I know I'd never forgive myself if me taking these pills affected my baby. I am just trying to cope now and get through the hard days.

So, just something else for you to consider. Speaking as a woman who is very happy being pregnant, you still get feelings of depression/anxiety sometimes, and people who have had depression before are more likely to get it worse when pregnant. Are you on pills for your bi-polar? How would you feel coming off of them?

Good luck whatever you decide, and sorry to have waffled

No medication as the bipolar calmed down to such a point that the doctor thinks I could be okay aslong as I have no major upsets

I actually spoke to my mum an hour ago and I am both happy and ashamed to say her reaction was not what I expected, I'm ashamed to have underestimated her and happy she is supportive! She just said she wishes she hadn't thrown Rhiannons crib away

abby1234519

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Abby - hope you're doing ok. This thread here: https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2900430 gives a more lighthearted take on some of the points that me and others were trying to make on here and I thought of you..

I read that. I lauaughed A LOT
Have to love a mothers sense of humour!

abby1234519

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Also bear in mind if you're bipolar your meds could affect the pregnancy so check with your GP.

Not on meds! Its not that bad at the moment so I just stick to exercise

jo101_2

Hi

Well done for telling your Mum, people dont often react as you think. I bet you feel more reassured now that you have her support.

Jo