4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

abby1234519

blue_monkey wrote: »

Also, the OP has also stated in another post at the end of last year that she has been diagnosed with Manic Depression and was trying to get DLA for it but couldn't. Another factor to take into account without any family or support from a partner maybe but she has not mentioned this here on this thread? She has stated to ignore anything she has written from last year - why? Surely these are all factors?

I never sought out DLA, or whatever it is called nowadays. It was merely a query at the end of the day if I had gotten worse than I was, maybe I would have been but as a student I wasn't. I do recieve DSA, in the form of a student facilitator which is paid for by student finance. This is 3 hours aweek with someone to sit down with me and talk about what i need to do and basically organise my head.

I have also been offered various bits of equipment such as a brand new laptop, and all that as well as a taxi fund for getting to university (not sure why to the latter). All of which I haven't taken up. Because I already have a laptop and don't see the need to have a new one. The day this one decides to go to heaven maybe I will.

Point is I am not out to get all I can. I get what is necessary

Last year was horrific, I made many mistakes, I was severely depressed but that was more due to exterior influences such as a bad breakup, my dad leaving my mum, the stress of my job. I was earning 21k as a 19 year old but the stress of the job matched what I was paid. All that caused basically a breakdown. And I ran away to France. So the reason I am "ignoring" what I wrote last year is because it was written by a different person. I came back, I stayed with my family, I started university, and yes for the first 4 months I struggled but that was because my "brain" was up and down and has taken a while to settle. Whilst I don't disagree with my diagnosis by the doctor, it was at a time where I was very unsettled. It is based on my family history, eg my dads side of depression and bipolar but the difference between myself now and then is great. I don't run away from problems, IMPORTANTLY I don't try to find the easy way out of problems. For instance last year I was looking at a DRO, maily because of the stress. But I have faced up to it...I will still seek a DRO if one day I just can't cope but for now I am. Even when I have been faced with stressful situations I've not had a "funny turn" and people around me have noted the change..

I'm not saying I am not bipolar or disagreeing with a doctor. I am just saying that I don't think its something that has to rule my life and for people to hook onto that and say, she might pass it down to her child (which was said earlier in the thread) is frankly...well... based on what?

abby1234519

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I have to say I am disgusted with some of the posts from ceridwen and blue monkey! Fair enough having a child isn't all roses (as anyone with even a modicum of intelligence already knows!), but at the end of the day there is plenty of help available and I don't feel that pushing abortion is fair when she has already said she is uncomfortable with the notion of going through with it!

If you start to worry about housing or finances in the future Abby please get in touch with LIFE who will aim to help you with what you need. http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/home/

Best of luck.

Thank you that website looks to be a lot of help.

I would just say that my decision still isn't completely final. I find I can be indecisive so I am off to speak to the BPAS, british pregnancy association (?) at some point as recommended by the lady at the clinic.

I need advice as to whether an abortion would instigate mental issues and all that. I suspect it might not because there have been several things happen in my life I have managed to cope with however I guess this is a matter of hormones. Its a battle in my head I tell ye

abby1234519

ceridwen wrote: »

At that age - very few people indeed DO know much about Life - but its the case that none of us actually know that fact until we look back at "our younger selves" when we are years older...

I was independant from the age of 14 due to my parents focusing on my much younger siblings, I left home when I was 18, had a well paying job, ran my own household. Safe to say I have had a bit of life experience in the last 3/4 years

ceridwen wrote: »

This situation wouldnt have happened in the first place if adequate care had been taken re contraception - and then we wouldnt even be discussing abortion or no. "Young" as I was myself at that age - I made very sure and certain that effective contraceptive precautions were taken (even though I had the fallback position that I would instantly have had an abortion if I ever needed to...). If I had been anti-abortion - then I would have been even more determined not to end up in the position of having an "accident".

Well its a shame that I managed to get into the 0.1% or whatever it is when the pill doesnt work. Having ALSO used a condom due to the fact that I just don't trust men. Can't blame me that it split and the pill which was my failsafe, failed me. Work your way around that one should I have simply abstained?

abby1234519

Apricot wrote: »

Hi Abby

I've been reading the thread from the start but haven't commented previously as I don't believe I could have given you a reasoned answer to your post without my own feelings influencing it. Anyway what im trying to say is I think you have made the right decision FOR YOU (and you are the only person that matters tbh) so why don't you join us in the less than 12 weeks thread - we're a friendly bunch and if you need any help or even just support we are there for a chat.

xx

You know, I am sure I posted on it about how online calculators can work out how pregnant you are! But the lady at the clinic explained it today. She said if your last period was a month ago but you had sex two weeks ago then technically you are 4/5 weeks pregnant. Confusing very confusing

jellyhead

They take the first day of your last period, so on the day when you miss a period you are said to be 4 weeks pregnant, of a 40 week pregnancy, but of course you haven't been pregnant for the whole 4 weeks. They sort of assume that you got pregnant on day 14 because that's the average for conception (I think am willing to be proved wrong) and your due date is worked out by that.

Scans vary by area, apparently, but if you go for a 12 week scan they will measure things and give you a more accurate date. I've had 2 babies and each time I've been for my scan they have said I am ten days more pregnant and have changed my due date by ten days.

I think if you go for an abortion they have to scan too, to make sure things are not too far along for the method they will use. Up to I think 9 weeks there are pills that can be taken, instead of having a procedure.

If you keep the baby, from a moneysaving point of view you chose a good due date, because the child will go to school as soon as it turns 4 whereas a child born in winter would need childcare to be paid for longer lol!

onlyroz

I haven't read every post in this thread, but I have to say that I am gobsmacked by the £18k a year figure. Could you please break that down for me so that I can understand where all the money is coming from?

I got pregnant during the final year of my PhD (it was planned, but in retrospect was probably not the best of times to have a child) - I wasn't entitled to any maternity pay (because I wasn't employed - but living on a government grant). My university department very generously agreed to pay me for 4 months maternity leave when they were under no obligation to do so. The official advice I was given by the people who dish out the statutory maternity pay was to "quit my PhD and go on the dole". At the time I thought that was ridiculous advice, but by the sounds of it I might have been better off to do so...

jellyhead

Student finance for parents had changed a lot since I had my baby 14 years ago. My sister is a single mum of 3 and as a full time student is absolutely loaded with a large 3-bed house and much higher disposable income than us (we 'only' have 30k salary). Even if she didn't have £500 per month in maintenance she'd still be a lot better off than us despite having 4 mouths to feed, same as us. Student finance pays 85% of her childcare costs, and she uses it year round - full time childcare every week despite hardly ever being in uni, so she has plenty of time to study.

When I had my baby I couldn't afford much childcare so I had to go part time. childcare wasn't subsidised at all.

abby1234519

onlyroz wrote: »

I haven't read every post in this thread, but I have to say that I am gobsmacked by the £18k a year figure. Could you please break that down for me so that I can understand where all the money is coming from?

Please bear in mind some of it is what I am entitled to as a normal student but roughly works out like this

Maintenance loan +special support grant = 7460

parents learning allowance = 1470

I would get around £6300 as a childcare grant to cover 85% of childcare over the term but not including the summer obviously that would be less as i wont need full time care being at uni 8 hours a week

Then I would recieve child tax credit, child benefit and also housing benetfit which could be anything up to around £8000 in total. This is what I discussed with my student advisor at uni this morning. Of course it sounds a lot, and it maybe is. But as an unemployed mother I'd be entitled to some of it as well. And by the time the child is old enough to go to nursery So 3 years old, I will have graduated as a teacher.

abby1234519

jellyhead wrote: »

Student finance for parents had changed a lot since I had my baby 14 years ago. My sister is a single mum of 3 and as a full time student is absolutely loaded with a large 3-bed house and much higher disposable income than us (we 'only' have 30k salary). Even if she didn't have £500 per month in maintenance she'd still be a lot better off than us despite having 4 mouths to feed, same as us. Student finance pays 85% of her childcare costs, and she uses it year round - full time childcare every week despite hardly ever being in uni, so she has plenty of time to study.

When I had my baby I couldn't afford much childcare so I had to go part time. childcare wasn't subsidised at all.

I find it really odd that as a student you seem to be better off having a child at university than if you were working. I don't see how thats fair but as its happening to me who am I to complain. I just wish my friend Heidi had been given the same support when she was out of uni than I hope to be given

Torry_Quine

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Hi Abby, now that you seem to have made your decision I would like to come back to the thread to offer you support.

I have every faith that you can get through this: where there's a will there's a way Abby. I found that having my daughter young made me even more determined to save, plan and make a future for us, whereas all my friends p!ssed their money away and have nothing to show for it, while I have a house, car and lovely life. I would have had none of this if it weren't for my daughter as I'd have been out clubbing it all night and messing about.

The only thing a child actually needs after food, heat and shelter is LOVE. The society we're in wont see the child go without the first 3 and it's up to you now Abby to provide the love. Your child will give you the incentive to study well, work harder and earn more so that you can provide the first 3 in good time.

I have to say I am disgusted with some of the posts from ceridwen and blue monkey! Fair enough having a child isn't all roses (as anyone with even a modicum of intelligence already knows!), but at the end of the day there is plenty of help available and I don't feel that pushing abortion is fair when she has already said she is uncomfortable with the notion of going through with it!

If you start to worry about housing or finances in the future Abby please get in touch with LIFE who will aim to help you with what you need. http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/home/

Best of luck.

I second all that has been said here.