4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

blue_monkey_2

Who will look after the baby when you are studying? How much time do you intend to have off when the baby is small and will you get the grant you are talking about, then. What if you cannot get a place in a creche or you cnanot afford the only nursery available? You'll not have that much money.

And where will you live? Are you going to be happy living with 5 other teenage girls who might be smoking (drugs) around your baby, coming in at all hours possibly waking the baby up or them getting particularly annoyed if they have exams and your baby is sick/teething and has been up crying all night. Do you think you'll live in the shared house with a baby? Have you asked your landlord about this as it might make the house overcrowded and the insurance might not cover you.

When I was your age I was very anti-abortion, I think this is how it is drummed into us by the people around us and being young we are not able to think of things for ourslves - however now, at 39 and having children of my own, I realise that you have to make a choice based on what you have to offer a child and not because 'you do not feel comfortable having an abortion'. You have already said you do not have the security of your family or a partner so you would be pretty much on your own in this. If you cannot tell them you are pregnant now, do you think it is going to be any different if you decide to keep the baby and then tell them? Your mum has other younger children so she might not be able to be with you for antenatal appointments or when you go into labour, likewise when the baby is young she might not be there to fall back on either.

Jox

I wonder how many of our mothers weren't scared or unsure when they were pregnant with us and how many of us wouldn't be here today if our mothers waited for perfect conditions.
OP is pregnant now and if there is any doubt in her mind about aborting her baby if she goes ahead with it because life isn't perfect then that can really mess with the head and I should know!

blue_monkey_2

Jox wrote: »

I wonder how many of our mothers weren't scared or unsure when they were pregnant with us and how many of us wouldn't be here today if our mothers waited for perfect conditions.
OP is pregnant now and if there is any doubt in her mind about aborting her baby if she goes ahead with it because life isn't perfect then that can really mess with the head and I should know!

Could really mess with her head and ruin her life is she did too - and I should know.

I don't think guilting her into the descision is the best move either. Just because it was the wrong thing for you to do, does not mean it would do her.

She should be able to consider all her options without people putting on a guilt trip because she considered abortion. However, short of it is that she has no family she can talk to, no boyfriend/partner, no money or no secure housing she can go back to - she might not even be able to stay in the HMO with a baby yet no-one has suggested she check with the landlord. The only Pros I saw was that she could get xx amount of money from the state and that she could ask her mum for baby clothes.

HMO's usually have a max limit of people that can live there and it is determined by the council who issues the license, not the landlord. If he is up to his limit then there will be no room for the baby unless someone leaves and she pays the going rate of 2 people.

Jox

I really don't want her to feel guilty whatever her decision, I will be glad for her whatever she decides.
Sometimes making a decision is the hardest thing to do, once that is out the way the rest isn't always so bad.
All of us have opinions based on personal circumstance and maybe if I'd had my child and was a struggling single mother I would be advocating termination but that's not how if worked out for me so with the experience I have I can say if there is any doubt listen to yourself.

abby1234519

ceridwen wrote: »

Apart from that one sentence of "Thats what we are put here to do (ie have children)" - then I entirely agree with this post and its the most sensible to date.

I would agree with (the majority) of it - because the poster probably comes from much the same set of "viewpoints on life" as I do.

Thats the thing though - society does seem to divide basically between:
- those who have children if they want them - regardless of whether they can afford them themselves and the circumstances are generally correct to do so
or
- those who actively decide whether they want children or no and will still only have them if they themselves can afford them (ie would do so even if there was no State help towards the cost).

Whichever of those two "categories" people fall into they will probably advise accordingly.

So - my "background" is that we actively decide whether to have them and only do so if we ourselves can afford to....When I thought about whether to think that way myself or no - it made and makes perfect sense to me to think in accordance with my background on that. So I do..

If thinking in accordance with a (middle class) background is a "prejudice" so be it - but it does make perfect sense to take into account the other people involved.

Right at the outset - before the child is born - another person to take into consideration has just come into the equation. That is - a landlord who looks like they will be asked to forego a month's income because of something going on in someone else's life...(my advice is dont expect them to - and please don't embarrass them by even asking them to...). Not to mention the 6 other girls Abby shares with - who would be put in an awkward situation if one of their housemates tries to get away with not paying the last months rent due from her (dont know if the landlord would try and make them cover any missing rent from Abby - but would have thought the situation would impact on them one way or another if a flatmate tries not to "pay her way" for the last month).

EDIT: have just noticed your other thread re going bankrupt in effect (ie Debt Relief Order) stating that you owed £7,500 at the end of 2009. Do you still owe that money - or have you managed to pay it back?

Haver been paying my debt back, started months ago. All my posts are basically redundant as I didn't do what I stated I might.

I took responsibility

abby1234519

jellyhead wrote: »

Actually, that's the most important thing here, in my humble opinion. To someone who doesn't agree with abortion it's a really big deal!

I am pro choice - I think abortion should be easily available and I don't think badly of my friends and family who've had abortions. Having said that, it's not something I could do myself (assuming no grey areas such as health problems) - I'd try to go for adoption instead.

If Abby truly feels uncomfortable about abortion then none of the arguments for abortion are going to stack up against that.

Literally every hour I think about abortion I start to get more upset. Cried for the first time last night, I am goingto the clinic in town later today to talk about pregnancy rather than abortion

abby1234519

jellyhead wrote: »

Perhaps Abby's a bit chaotic/disorganised and it comes as no surprise that she's had a contraception slip-up?

Grannies can be very tactless, mine said "what a waste! It wouldn't have mattered if it had been your sister, but you ...."

My sister was miffed! She worked in an estate agents and was doing well, but she wasn't at university so Granny didn't think she had much potential, cheeky moo!

My gran is like that. She meant she isn't surprised because as far as she's concerned I am a bit of a free wild spirit.

abby1234519

blue_monkey wrote: »

Who will look after the baby when you are studying? How much time do you intend to have off when the baby is small and will you get the grant you are talking about, then. What if you cannot get a place in a creche or you cnanot afford the only nursery available? You'll not have that much money.

And where will you live? Are you going to be happy living with 5 other teenage girls who might be smoking (drugs) around your baby, coming in at all hours possibly waking the baby up or them getting particularly annoyed if they have exams and your baby is sick/teething and has been up crying all night. Do you think you'll live in the shared house with a baby? Have you asked your landlord about this as it might make the house overcrowded and the insurance might not cover you.

When I was your age I was very anti-abortion, I think this is how it is drummed into us by the people around us and being young we are not able to think of things for ourslves - however now, at 39 and having children of my own, I realise that you have to make a choice based on what you have to offer a child and not because 'you do not feel comfortable having an abortion'. You have already said you do not have the security of your family or a partner so you would be pretty much on your own in this. If you cannot tell them you are pregnant now, do you think it is going to be any different if you decide to keep the baby and then tell them? Your mum has other younger children so she might not be able to be with you for antenatal appointments or when you go into labour, likewise when the baby is young she might not be there to fall back on either.

I won't be living with other girls. Why would anyone ever consider that? I would be in no trouble financially...I'd get around £18,000 a year including my student maintenance and benefits. I don't see how someone can't survive on that for 3 years!

And my university provides childcare. and with my loan etc icould affoord to still live in the centre of Headingley and live by myself

I've lived alone before. My best friend is 27, shes already supporting me, Its not as bad as it could be. I do have people who love me

Jox

You don't have to justify anything or explain yourself to anyone Abby whatever you decide.
Good luck with everything and don't feel pressured into going one way or another.
Things can seem hopeless but nothing is impossible.

jo101_2

Hi

I just wanted to say, go with your heart, only you know what is right for you. I have 3 children and we live on a small amount of money. Look after yourself, I had a lot of other stress to deal with after my third was born and I must say that has affected me mentally and has made it harder, but I know things will get easier and at the end of the day I have 3 lovely kids who I wouldn't swap for the world.

All the best

Jo