4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

Running_On_Empty

Abby, I urge you to talk to the professionals who are experienced in counselling women about this.
They will not encourage you to do anything, they are trained counsellors and that means helping you to make a decision that it is the right one for you.
You won't get counselling on this forum, just a range of opinions across the whole spectrum.
Take comfort from the fact that this situation has happened to countless hundreds of thousands of women before.
Please get effective contraceptive advice too. You have learnt a hard lesson that the unthinkable can and will happen.
Take care.

hitchins

abby1234519 wrote: »

Ok when I said drugs, I meant I've smoked weed twice in 6 months, I was more refering to the fact that the area of Leeds I live in, well its the student lifestyle around here.

My main line of thinking has been no one, not even my friends (apart from my best friend) has encouraged the idea of keeping the child, everyone has encouraged the opposite, the father would probably be a bid annoyed if I did. So if everyone is going to be angry....

This has to be your choice at the end of the day, it's YOU who has to go thru an abortion or pregnancy. You cannot let your friends or a forum even, sway you into making an extremely important decision. Good luck, and I hope you make the choice you want.

southoftheriver

Abby I really feel for you.

I am a few years older than you and have nearly finished uni. Like you i've always wanted to be a mother, more than anything. But I always want to give them a good start with more opportunities than i've had. I have fantastic friends but little family support. I have travelled a bit but have more things I want to do before I settle down. I always thought I was against abortion for myself, but recently have come to realise that if I were to get pregnant now the timing would be awful. I'm not in a relationship at the moment which is a good thing for me, but if I had gotten pregnant with someone unsupportive then I'd have to get through finals alone, wouldn't be able to work at all before going on maternity leave and it would be difficult to go back to. I don't have ready made grandparents waiting to help me out, I honestly think my mum would just leave me to get on with it. So it would be reliant on having a supportive partner.

That doesn't mean it couldn't be done. If you want this baby and can cope with doing it alone then fantastic. By all means listen to people's opinions but remember that this decision is up to you, and you have to be content with the decision you make either way.

That's why you really need professional advice because everyone's opinions here is a result of their experiences and you need someone who can focus on just you. Well done for making an appointment with your GP, they should be a good source of some impartial advice and if they can't offer it they will refer you to someone who can.

Oh and just a note to say that telling people that there is a "good chance" that damage has been done to an unborn fetus through taking drugs when they have no idea of the amount, type or timescale of use is scaremongering and inappropriate.

brians_daughter

ever_the_optimist wrote: »

this weekend I have no money at all ... I just went to Morrissons for essential milk and bread (and sausages that cost 48p for 8 - who wants to feed those to their children?) and I borrowed the childrens pocket money from their grandparents to pay for it. It is NOT A GOOD PLACE TO BE. I can imagine this is what it would be like being a struggling student (I am actually a mature student starting my 5th year of an OU degree) so if you can avoid being in this situation then please, please make the right choice.


ETO

urm, well, no its not like that at all! I have managed to be a ft student and work pt and my children have never eaten sausages, let alone such cheap ones filled with all kinds of nasties (although if i ever encountered a situ where thats all i could afford to purchase then so be it)..maybe the op needs facts and experiences not someone assuming what it would be like for a student with a child...sorry , but your post woudl have made me chuckle if the OP wasnt in such a serious dilemma

brians_daughter

[QUOTE=abby1234519;38893824._I_have_up_to_9_weeks_is_that_right_for_an_"easier"_abortion?_So_I_am_going_to_the_doctors_on_Tuesday_with_a_friend_for_a_chat[/QUOTE]

Abby i would urge you to speak to brook, not your GP. Your GP will only direct you to these services. Your GP is the one to speak to once you have reached a decision ie to book a termination consultation at a clinic (they sometimes call these councelling sessions but they arent councelling you in a decision its more about what will happen) or to book you midwife care. You can speak to brook over the phone and in person.

You seem like a person who has your head screwed on who has deliberated all angels of the situation, and i wish you well whatever you decide

jellyhead

You need to talk to somebody in real life. The main thing as it looks to me is that you don't know whether you are anti-abortion or not. I don't suppose anybody knows whether they will regret it, but I am pretty sure that my sister and my sister-in-law are okay about their abortions and don't regret them. Your parents have brought you up to be anti-abortion but you're an adult so whatever decision you make is fine, as long as you're making it for yourself.

Abortion isn't illegal and having one does not make you a terrible person. I know lots of very lovely people who've done it, many of whom went on to have a family later on (in their 30's) and are good parents.

If, however, you feel that you couldn't do it then you have to listen to that part of yourself and at least talk it through, because you are just as important as any of the other people in this scenario.

I think that whatever you decide will be okay, as long as you are happy with the decision and think that it's the right one. There are lots of factors to consider, and strangers on a forum can't really be as helpful as getting proper advice - except for those telling you to get proper advice

I was unexpectedly pregnant at uni but the financial situation was different back then so I can't advise you about that. What about the student board, might somebody there know? Also, do get in touch with a doctor about bipolar in case a miscarriage, abortion or continued pregnancy affects you.

Jox

abby1234519 wrote: »

Ok when I said drugs, I meant I've smoked weed twice in 6 months, I was more refering to the fact that the area of Leeds I live in, well its the student lifestyle around here.

My main line of thinking has been no one, not even my friends (apart from my best friend) has encouraged the idea of keeping the child, everyone has encouraged the opposite, the father would probably be a bid annoyed if I did. So if everyone is going to be angry....

You are so obviously torn by the decision you have to make, I'm really wish I could make it easy for you but there are consequences to both choices.

When I was in your situation I was so sure of what I had to do as my mum was agoraphobic, my two younger siblings were at Uni and I was contributing financially to the household so I went ahead and did it. I thought there was no other choice, I would be a single parent and wouldn’t manage financially.

I had to go the clinic 3 times - the first time they wouldn't do it cos I had some health issues, the second time my sister tried to stop me so I didn't go in and the third time I went quietly on my own and didn't tell anyone and they did a scan and when I saw the baby - it was 9 weeks and looked like a baby, I did have brief second thoughts but went ahead.

I'm really sorry to say that the experience has scarred me and 8 years later I am childless and full of regret. I still have the scan and it haunts me.

That first child will always stay in my heart, that would've been my mum and dad's first grandchild and for whatever reason I was pregnant for a while and I chose that person's fate. I chose for it not to live.

I know this is personal to me and I really don't want to make you feel bad but you obviously have doubts and it is a really emotional issue.

For those who have never been in this situation it is easy to say what someone should do, but when you have to live with it yourself, regret and grief and anger are destructive emotions to deal with.

jellyhead

Jox wrote: »

I still have the scan and it haunts me.

Is this usual? My sis and my friend both said that the screen was turned away during their scans, and they weren't given a picture.

Jox

I could see the screen and the nurse asked me if I wanted the print out of the scan, it sounds very strange thinking back!

lifesizedoll

I am 22 and have just had a baby 16 weeks ago. I was also torn between what to do, but I had the support of my partner. Obviously I adore my baby now because he is here, and would never wish him away but you can't miss something you never have, but if you think you will regret getting rid then I can assure you that you wont regret keeping the baby once they are here.

Don't worry about money, there is lots of help out there (too much, if I'm honest). Babies don't cost a lot, I use about a pack of wipes, nappies and milk a week which costs about £15, the dear part is all the little extras you want to buy them and dress them in nice clothes, but there are so many sales these days that you can buy clothes cheap.

If you want to carry on at uni, you will get help with childcare and grants. My mum goes to uni and still has my 2 little brothers, she doesn't like uni, but she says she better off sticking it out because she gets all her grants and stuff.

I think your only issue should be whether you are ready to look after a baby and can resit not going out every weekend ;-)