4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

mum2one

bucketshop wrote: »

There's no need to be rude. She obviously wanted some advice from people who've been in similar situations.

I'm not sticking up for dmg, but my first thoughts were the same, why ask on the internet. Then maybe she hasn't got family support, and feels that by talking to strangers may help put things in perspective. There are always going to be people that are pro/ against abortion and these points may sway the OP into making a decisions that she will regret in the future.

The OP needs real support at the mo, not virtual, we're not talking about £100 on rent, but the OP has admitted she has health problems, debt, and does need professional advice,

abby1234519

sh1305 wrote: »

Can you renew your contract with your landlord? Assuming there's enough room for you & the baby.

Oh I live in a house with 6 other girls!

abby1234519

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

It is entirely natural to want children - that's what we're put here to do. If you go want the child just because you feel like rising to the challenge, or because you're proving a point, or because you're lonely or because you like a drama, or because you've always wanted kids is just not the right reason IMHO. Wanting to provide the very best start in life for another person is the right reason and from what you've said on here, all the signs point to this being a far from ideal situation.

I'm just not sure I understand why you would choose that option? You're so young and have many many years ahead of you when you can create a 'better/more stable' life for you and your as-yet-unborn children. What about the lack of paternal involvement? How do you feel when you think about the possibility that your child may never know its real dad or have a decent relationship with him? Had the father even had a say in all this?

Don't let the situation dictate how you feel. Just because you're pregnant you don't have to have a baby (obvious I know) but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to take control of your future. Yes people cope/manage/get by, but I'd rather choose/plan/build personally.

This isn't about whether you believe in abortion or life. And it's not just about what you want. It's about what you can provide emotionally, physcially, financially, everything.

The problem is that I am actually uncomfortable aborting a life. I always have been. I spoke to my grandma tonight, it was hard but she said she wasn't surprised.... She said if mum had come home and had had an abortion, she would have been heartbroken. Yes I do have serious thinking to do, but I don't think its impossible to be a single mother. I am slowly getting round to telling my parents, my grandma says my dad is doing a lot better at the moment and isn't so stressed so maybe I will have a support network whatever I do

Blue_Monkey

abby1234519 wrote: »

The problem is that I am actually uncomfortable aborting a life. I always have been.

But being anti-abortion isn't a reason to have a baby. I suppose I'm seeing it as opinion vs responsibility here.

abby1234519 wrote: »

I spoke to my grandma tonight, it was hard but she said she wasn't surprised.... She said if mum had come home and had had an abortion, she would have been heartbroken.

Why wasn't she surprised? And this isn't about her or your mother or how they would react...

abby1234519 wrote: »

Yes I do have serious thinking to do, but I don't think its impossible to be a single mother.

It certainly isn't impossible, but given the choice, why go down that route?

abby1234519 wrote: »

I am slowly getting round to telling my parents, my grandma says my dad is doing a lot better at the moment and isn't so stressed so maybe I will have a support network whatever I do

Maybe, maybe not. But more to the point, this would be your responsibility and your situation to take care of and not really anything to do with your parents. I guess it depends to what extent you'd be relying on them for this support network (given that you mentioned earlier that you're not close to them) - what support do you envisage you will need/want/expect/get from them?

I really don't mean to be the voice of doom and gloom and whilst I don't think having the baby would be a 'mistake' per se, I'm just a bit baffled that you would choose to complicate your life, narrow your opportunities and go it alone in what sounds like would be a big struggle (debt, health issues etc).

If you were in a reliable, loving relationship, I think my advice to you would be different, but doing it all on your own hun, that's a lot to take on at 21 when you could/should be feeling like life is there for the taking.

Not sure if you've told us what you'd originally (ie pre-pregnancy) planned to do once you graduate, but how will a baby fit into those plans?

I hope you get to talk to a professional soon so you can really consider your options.

ceridwen

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

It is entirely natural to want children - that's what we're put here to do. If you go want the child just because you feel like rising to the challenge, or because you're proving a point, or because you're lonely or because you like a drama, or because you've always wanted kids is just not the right reason IMHO. Wanting to provide the very best start in life for another person is the right reason and from what you've said on here, all the signs point to this being a far from ideal situation.

I'm just not sure I understand why you would choose that option? You're so young and have many many years ahead of you when you can create a 'better/more stable' life for you and your as-yet-unborn children. What about the lack of paternal involvement? How do you feel when you think about the possibility that your child may never know its real dad or have a decent relationship with him? Had the father even had a say in all this?

Don't let the situation dictate how you feel. Just because you're pregnant you don't have to have a baby (obvious I know) but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to take control of your future. Yes people cope/manage/get by, but I'd rather choose/plan/build personally.

This isn't about whether you believe in abortion or life. And it's not just about what you want. It's about what you can provide emotionally, physcially, financially, everything.

Apart from that one sentence of "Thats what we are put here to do (ie have children)" - then I entirely agree with this post and its the most sensible to date.

I would agree with (the majority) of it - because the poster probably comes from much the same set of "viewpoints on life" as I do.

Thats the thing though - society does seem to divide basically between:
- those who have children if they want them - regardless of whether they can afford them themselves and the circumstances are generally correct to do so
or
- those who actively decide whether they want children or no and will still only have them if they themselves can afford them (ie would do so even if there was no State help towards the cost).

Whichever of those two "categories" people fall into they will probably advise accordingly.

So - my "background" is that we actively decide whether to have them and only do so if we ourselves can afford to....When I thought about whether to think that way myself or no - it made and makes perfect sense to me to think in accordance with my background on that. So I do..

If thinking in accordance with a (middle class) background is a "prejudice" so be it - but it does make perfect sense to take into account the other people involved.

Right at the outset - before the child is born - another person to take into consideration has just come into the equation. That is - a landlord who looks like they will be asked to forego a month's income because of something going on in someone else's life...(my advice is dont expect them to - and please don't embarrass them by even asking them to...). Not to mention the 6 other girls Abby shares with - who would be put in an awkward situation if one of their housemates tries to get away with not paying the last months rent due from her (dont know if the landlord would try and make them cover any missing rent from Abby - but would have thought the situation would impact on them one way or another if a flatmate tries not to "pay her way" for the last month).

EDIT: have just noticed your other thread re going bankrupt in effect (ie Debt Relief Order) stating that you owed £7,500 at the end of 2009. Do you still owe that money - or have you managed to pay it back?

Blue_Monkey

ceridwen wrote: »

- those who actively decide whether they want children or no and will still only have them if they themselves can afford them (ie would do so even if there was no State help towards the cost).

Well I guess I fall into this category and agree with the "actively deciding" bit. I'm now 30, have a good job, have travelled and had a bloody good time in my 20s, a long-term and loving relationship with a wonderful man who I am bursting to help develop into a wonderful dad and am dead excited to venture into parenthood with him.

Money does come into it to an extent (ie can we afford unpaid leave to look after sprog, will my career go down the pan, can we still go on nice holidays/buy clothes/food/run a car), but its more than just the money because one person's definition of affordable is different from anothers.

I feel like I've been waiting for my whole life to become a mother, I've always known I want kids and hope I'm lucky enough to be able to do so. If OH and mine joint income was a quarter of what it is, we'd probably still decide to have children.

But yes, the point is, it is an active decision, and we have created our lives how we wanted them to be, and can choose what path we take.

Angely

Anyway, good luck to you and your little babe

jellyhead

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

This isn't about whether you believe in abortion or life.

Actually, that's the most important thing here, in my humble opinion. To someone who doesn't agree with abortion it's a really big deal!

I am pro choice - I think abortion should be easily available and I don't think badly of my friends and family who've had abortions. Having said that, it's not something I could do myself (assuming no grey areas such as health problems) - I'd try to go for adoption instead.

If Abby truly feels uncomfortable about abortion then none of the arguments for abortion are going to stack up against that.

jellyhead

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

Why wasn't she surprised? And this isn't about her or your mother or how they would react...

Perhaps Abby's a bit chaotic/disorganised and it comes as no surprise that she's had a contraception slip-up?

Grannies can be very tactless, mine said "what a waste! It wouldn't have mattered if it had been your sister, but you ...."

My sister was miffed! She worked in an estate agents and was doing well, but she wasn't at university so Granny didn't think she had much potential, cheeky moo!

jcr16

hard for me to answer this without my mummy insticts getting involved.

but i'd have to say whatever you do, you have to make sure your 100 % happy with it. if you have any doubts at all then don't have an abortion. Hubby and i lost our first baby, so always a hard subject for me.

hubby and i now have 3 children. i was 22 when our dd was born 23, with our ds1 and 26 with ds2. and i have to say if you want something to work there will always be a way. and nothing is impossible if you put ur mind to it.