4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

blue_monkey_2

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Please stop finding problems, I'm sure that she's well aware that there will be all sorts of problems and concerns ahead. Howeverif everyone waited till the 'right' time when everything was sorted then no-one would ever have ababy

What nonsense, there are plenty of right times to have a child. Such as when you can support your own family and do not rely on the tax payer to put money in your pocket. When you have a partner to support you in your pregnancy. How old fashioned!!

I mention the problems because there are problems, the girl nowhere to live and no money. Of course, within a few hours she was seeking out what benefits she is entitled to (she even worked out the annual amount) and the prospect of a baby suddenly became more desirable.

Lets home that that amount of funding and benefits will still be available by then or she'll really be up sh*t creek without a paddle.

Every post I have read on here about people who have managed have had the support of parents or partners or both. She currently has neither. If the benefit money was not available no doubt it would be a different clinic she would be visiting now.

Torry_Quine

blue_monkey wrote: »

What nonsense, there are plenty of right times to have a child. Such as when you can support your own family and do not rely on the tax payer to put money in your pocket. When you have a partner to support you in your pregnancy. How old fashioned!!

I mention the problems because there are problems, the girl nowhere to live and no money. Of course, within a few hours she was seeking out what benefits she is entitled to (she even worked out the annual amount) and the prospect of a baby suddenly became more desirable.

Lets home that that amount of funding and benefits will still be available by then or she'll really be up sh*t creek without a paddle.

Every post I have read on here about people who have managed have had the support of parents or partners or both. She currently has neither. If the benefit money was not available no doubt it would be a different clinic she would be visiting now.

I wasn't going to comment any more but although I agree that ideally children would be born to commited couples with jobs and homes that is not the reality in many instances. However relationships do break up, jobs and homes are lost and yes people need benefits. I do hope that she gets the support and care that she so obviously needs and it is not for us to judge the situation she finds herself in.

It is very cynical of you to suggest that without money she would not go ahead, that is entirely her decision.

ceridwen

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Please stop finding problems, I'm sure that she's well aware that there will be all sorts of problems and concerns ahead. Howeverif everyone waited till the 'right' time when everything was sorted then no-one would ever have ababy

Guess I wasted my breath then explaining that there are two basic attitudes to having children in our Society:

- ie having them because one wants them without stopping to think whether they can be afforded/the time is right/etc

and the other one (that some of us DO have) - of stopping to think if the circumstances are right/we (ie us - not the State - aka "other people") can afford them/etc.

Somehows I think neither "camp" will ever understand each other..so I'll leave other people in the first "camp" to echo that standard phrase of "If we all waited to the right time - none of us would ever have them". I've never ever heard that phrase used once by anyone I know myself - but I've got very used to seeing it here on MSE:cool: (hmm...could explain why some people are here on MSE in the first place........)

Blue_Monkey

Jox wrote: »

Sometimes making a decision is the hardest thing to do, once that is out the way the rest isn't always so bad.

Jox wrote: »

All of us have opinions based on personal circumstance and maybe if I'd had my child and was a struggling single mother I would be advocating termination but that's not how if worked out for me so with the experience I have I can say if there is any doubt listen to yourself.

I agree with this - once the decision has been made I'm sure it will all be easier as, one way or the other, OP will just have to get on with it.

abby1234519 wrote: »

Literally every hour I think about abortion I start to get more upset. Cried for the first time last night, I am goingto the clinic in town later today to talk about pregnancy rather than abortion

Sorry to hear you're upset. Do you have friends around you to talk to? Hope the trip to the clinic went ok.

abby1234519 wrote: »

I won't be living with other girls. Why would anyone ever consider that? I would be in no trouble financially...I'd get around £18,000 a year including my student maintenance and benefits. I don't see how someone can't survive on that for 3 years!

So what happens when you stop being a student? How will you pay the loans back? I don't expect you to answer these here on this board, but I sure as hell hope these are things you are considering now.

abby1234519 wrote: »

My best friend is 27, shes already supporting me,

That's great, what a nice friend. Though - and I've seen this happen - it's amazing how that support doesn't turn into help when doing the 3am feed or when she gets a better (more fun) invite than hanging out with an infant.

Loanranger wrote: »

The decision has been made by Abby and whether anyone else agrees with the path she has chosen is irrelevant.
I think we should now stop badgering her for answers to questions which are frankly not our business and stop adding our own stories to the mix.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Please stop finding problems, I'm sure that she's well aware that there will be all sorts of problems and concerns ahead.

This is more about just getting OP to look at the full picture - she came on here for advice, we're giving it - our advice is that she needs to consider all these things. And from what she's said, I'm not sure she is well aware....

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Howeverif everyone waited till the 'right' time when everything was sorted then no-one would ever have ababy

blue_monkey wrote: »

What nonsense, there are plenty of right times to have a child. Such as when you can support your own family and do not rely on the tax payer to put money in your pocket. When you have a partner to support you in your pregnancy. How old fashioned!!

Hello other blue_monkey - I agree... Lots of people wait for when they think it's a more appropriate time in their lives.


OP, you do sound like you've made your mind up, so I hope it all works out well for you

blue_monkey_2

Hi other Blue Monkey - we have met on another thread before but I cannot remember where, LOL.....

blue_monkey_2

Also, the OP has also stated in another post at the end of last year that she has been diagnosed with Manic Depression and was trying to get DLA for it but couldn't. Another factor to take into account without any family or support from a partner maybe but she has not mentioned this here on this thread? She has stated to ignore anything she has written from last year - why? Surely these are all factors?

Plans_all_plans

Hi Abby, now that you seem to have made your decision I would like to come back to the thread to offer you support.

I have every faith that you can get through this: where there's a will there's a way Abby. I found that having my daughter young made me even more determined to save, plan and make a future for us, whereas all my friends p!ssed their money away and have nothing to show for it, while I have a house, car and lovely life. I would have had none of this if it weren't for my daughter as I'd have been out clubbing it all night and messing about.

The only thing a child actually needs after food, heat and shelter is LOVE. The society we're in wont see the child go without the first 3 and it's up to you now Abby to provide the love. Your child will give you the incentive to study well, work harder and earn more so that you can provide the first 3 in good time.

I have to say I am disgusted with some of the posts from ceridwen and blue monkey! Fair enough having a child isn't all roses (as anyone with even a modicum of intelligence already knows!), but at the end of the day there is plenty of help available and I don't feel that pushing abortion is fair when she has already said she is uncomfortable with the notion of going through with it!

If you start to worry about housing or finances in the future Abby please get in touch with LIFE who will aim to help you with what you need. http://www.lifecharity.org.uk/home/

Best of luck.

ceridwen

blue_monkey wrote: »

Also, the OP has also stated in another post at the end of last year that she has been diagnosed with Manic Depression and was trying to get DLA for it but couldn't. Another factor to take into account without any family or support from a partner maybe but she has not mentioned this here on this thread? She has stated to ignore anything she has written from last year - why? Surely these are all factors?

I was wondering whether to even bother to comment again after having a look at last years posts........

Must admit too that I felt pretty darn "grown up" myself at that age - but...crikey...looking back I can see that I hardly knew a thing about Life at that point. I had the advantage of 2 protective parents - still together to this day in fact - so can see I was more "sheltered" than some are from some of the hard facts about Life. Even so - I don't know whether I would have known THAT much more about Life at that age even if I'd had very different parents...

At that age - very few people indeed DO know much about Life - but its the case that none of us actually know that fact until we look back at "our younger selves" when we are years older...

*********************

This situation wouldnt have happened in the first place if adequate care had been taken re contraception - and then we wouldnt even be discussing abortion or no. "Young" as I was myself at that age - I made very sure and certain that effective contraceptive precautions were taken (even though I had the fallback position that I would instantly have had an abortion if I ever needed to...). If I had been anti-abortion - then I would have been even more determined not to end up in the position of having an "accident".

Apricot

Hi Abby

I've been reading the thread from the start but haven't commented previously as I don't believe I could have given you a reasoned answer to your post without my own feelings influencing it. Anyway what im trying to say is I think you have made the right decision FOR YOU (and you are the only person that matters tbh) so why don't you join us in the less than 12 weeks thread - we're a friendly bunch and if you need any help or even just support we are there for a chat.

xx

abby1234519

blue_monkey wrote: »

Of course, within a few hours she was seeking out what benefits she is entitled to (she even worked out the annual amount) and the prospect of a baby suddenly became more desirable..

Wow... cheers. Way to make someone (who's found herself in a situation she'd rather not have gotten into) absolutely fantastic about herself.

No...having access to benefits doesn't make it "suddenly more desirable"

It reinforces my desire NOT to have an abortion. I wouldn't try to get pregnant whilst at university JUST because this is available to me. I would argue that because it is available, then I can support myself and my child for the next three years and when I finish and graduate as a teacher not only wil I be paying my student loans back in the same manner that everyone else does but I will also be paying taxes and earning a starting wage that I will be able to support myself on. I didn't go have a look at what benefits I am entitled too whilst at university to make the decision, but rather to alleviate the stress I have been feeling.

At no point have I said, oooh look at all the benefits I can get high five to me.