4 Weeks pregnant can I survive

abby1234519

It is ironic as the guy and I had a conversation in bed the night before I worked out that I was pregnant.

"If I ever get you pregnant, please tell me and then go kill it" Thats word for word. Sounds harsher than he meant it.

Since I posted, I have told him I am pregnant.

At the time I was convinced I was goingto have an abortion and so I told him this. However woke up today even more confused. I sat down to research the funding available, adult learning allowance, childcare grants etc

The father is in his final year of his degree and is hopefully jetting off to Japan to work as an English teacher (his dad lives in Tokyo teaching English). Imagine how bitter he would be if that goal was taken away from him, he's already applied for it and stuff. I've known him for about 6 weeks I think. We aren't a couple, I see him maybe once a week or less. All we do is chill, watching tv, or I go round his after a night out. We talk and stuff but it isnt a relationship. And I never really considered it going much further than a friendship. I know he really likes me but I just don't like him enough. I do look forward to seeing him but he smokes far too much weed and all that.

Since I found out, I've stopped smoking, I haven't touched any drugs at all (don't have a problem, just recreational student stuff ocasionally) and have discovered all this week that alcohol is severly disagreeing with me.

The thing is my goal in life is to have children, literally been broody for years. Which is why this is hard. The idea of being a mother makes me happy.

With regards to my parents, they love me, but I don't stay in contact that much simply to avoid stress (on their part). Their relationship is rocky and they have young kids (youngest is 8). This kind of bombshell would effectively cause arguments between the both of them, not between them and me. I once phoned my mum up in the summer because I was having anxiety attacks and wanted to go home which then caused arguments as mum said there was no room (true) and dad called her heartless etc. She then phoned me the next morning effectively in tears. All because of me. I can't do this to them again. So whatever decision I make, it can't involve them. I won't be responsible for dad leaving mum again. I've been independent for 3 years, I do my own thing, at the end of the day, if I had an abortion I wouldn;t tell them. If I kept the baby I would eventually tell them but I'd tell them face to face.

I know mum has basically enough childrens clothes to clothe a baby from birth to 10 years old!
In my parents eyes, I am always approaching another disaster......I'm sure this is one that they have blocked from their minds....mum knows I am sexually active, I even disclosed how many people i had slept with when we had a conversation in September. She just said to stay safe. But we've never talked about babies! My relationship with my mum only started developing last year, before that I despised her...now I care for her a lot and really don't want anything to go wrong. She isn't ready to be a grandma. Just as shes gone on antidepressants! I only visit about 3 or 4 times a year. So.....telling them...is a massive bloody hurdle.

I'm not going to lie. I do want to be a mother.

Money_maker

Ok, father doesn't want to know, parents a little shaky.

You need to think about if you can do this on your own. If anyone else comes aboard all well and good but consider it may just be you and baby. Can you cope?

I'm very anti abortion but you need to decide what is best for you. Your parents feelings really shouldn't bother you too much - you're grown up now, living away from home, a mother to be. Can you do it without them?

Money_maker

Oh - and knock the alcohol on the head NOW. Its only for 9 months.

Indie_Kid

abby1234519 wrote: »

I won't be responsible for dad leaving mum again.

He chose (or chooses) to leave her. You don't make him leave.

LilMissEmmylou

Abby, if you want to be a mum, then you need to make a decision for you. This decision isnt your parents and if the dad doesn't want to be involved but you are happy to go it alone without him then in all honesty it isn't his decision either.

I personally think if you already wanted to be a mum before this... then perhaps this could all have been a happy accident (which is how I see my daughter, unplanned but so wonderful to have in my life!)

abby1234519

No I know my dad didnt leave my mum because of me, but what I meant is he makes stupid decisions when stressed. And I am a good source of it!

And yes I am knocking the alcohol on the head. I have up to 9 weeks is that right for an "easier" abortion? So I am going to the doctors on Tuesday with a friend for a chat

Blue_Monkey

Gosh, I'm really torn.

My gut reaction is that this isn't the right time for you and that you perhaps shouldn't go ahead with it.

One of my best friends was in a similar situation - 2nd year of uni, 20 years old, got pregnant after a brief fling with a friend of a friend. She knew she wanted kids, she knew she wanted to be a mother and a parent. But - she also knew she wanted a family and a career. Her parents were in a bad way at the time (alcoholic mother) and couldn't have supported her, she had no money and student debts and there was no way the bloke was going to stick around.

It just wasn't the right time for her at that point in her life.

My stepsister is 24 with a 3 year old, and don't get me wrong, my niece is a joy to be around, but I know that my stepsister wishes she'd done things differently. She's now working all hours in a pub whilst her OH works the opposite hours in a factory, just to survive. They have no money, a tiny flat that they are fast outgrowing, and whilst the material things really don't matter, the slog of it all does. They aren't massively happy and although some people say "Oh it's been the making of them" I don't think they feel like that... They feel like they are limited in their choices and options.

I believe in fate to an extent, but not to the point where we don't have the ability to take control and responsibility of our own lives.

Life really is whatever you make it. I think it depends what you want from life and that is really hard to suss out when you're 21 (no disrespect). I was the same, but had a vague aspiration to travel, get a job that liked, meet a bloke and live in a nice house. Your aspirations may be just as vague, but I imagine they will be harder to achieve if you become a single mum now.

This isn't about whether you want to become a mother or not - you already know that you do, what this is about is whether you want to become a mother right now.

Good luck OP, I hope my posted hasn't offended in any way.

ceridwen

sh1305 wrote: »

He chose (or chooses) to leave her. You don't make him leave.

I'm sorry - but that is a cop-out. It may well be fathers choice to leave mother - but, at the end of the day, the fact he might want to would be down to outside pressures being too much. Its not fair to increase the level of those "outside pressures".

Abby is now slap bang in the middle of a major Life Lesson. As an outsider - its obvious what that Life Lesson is - its the one called "Taking responsibility for the effect of our actions on other people". We all have to go through that Life Lesson at some point in our lives - some of us Pass the Test with flying colours, some scrape through and some fail. I hope Abby passes this Test.

<wanders off thinking "Please dont shoot the messenger".....>

abby1234519

Ok when I said drugs, I meant I've smoked weed twice in 6 months, I was more refering to the fact that the area of Leeds I live in, well its the student lifestyle around here.

My main line of thinking has been no one, not even my friends (apart from my best friend) has encouraged the idea of keeping the child, everyone has encouraged the opposite, the father would probably be a bid annoyed if I did. So if everyone is going to be angry....

babyboysmommy

You have to make a decision that you can live with, not one you may end up regretting when those putting pressure on you have moved on.