Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

BigTone

Emmzi wrote: »

she does not appear to want to live with you more than she wants shoes, wine, holidays, clothes. Actions speak louder than words.

I would be very wary of taking on a mini-wag. She sounds very immature and like she is looking for a meal ticket to get her out from daddy's control rather than a true partnership.

There are hundreds of women out there who would love a responsible bloke like you, and will work in an more equal partnership with you.

I would move on before you're trapped with a baby in a money pit. Find a grown up while there is still time. You've given her enough chances to change - she isn't going to - let her find a footballer.

Ha Ha ha, thankyou, made me smile.

Responsible bloke? I am 24, she is older than me! yes, TOYBOY!! Ha ha

I do love her though, after speaking to people this morning, I think that the way to go is to make her prove that she wants it, therefore I am not getting myself in a mess.

That way at least if it doesn't work, it was her doing and she had every chance to commit. I would not just drop her.

puddy

no, i would get the list written out as per above for the proposed flat

her list is half of everything, so half the rent, ctax, bills, food, laundry etc
then her personal debt payments (shes probably just making minimum payments)
then saving for the future, (has she a pension?)

she will find on an income of 20k that she has little disposible income left

she needs to save this every month for a year before you can consider that she can stick at it

there will be months where she will say 'oh, i couldnt put it away this month because x came up, its a one off'

then she needs to understand that when you have bills and responsibilties, there are no missed payments unless you want to get chucked out or cut off or whatever

Errata

She's 24 years old, she's bored with her current lifestyle, she wants to have some fun. Most 24 year olds want that.

JimmyTheWig

puddy wrote: »

when you go out together ask for petrol money

Oh come on, this is the woman he intends to marry one day. I don't think things need to get that petty.

BigTone

Jowo wrote: »

How much board do you pay to your parents and how much extra would you have to pay for this flat? Assuming its £600 for the rent, you'd need to find another £250-300 on top for utilities, insurance, council tax, water, tv, broadband, phone.

You could always tell your GF to go ahead with renting a flat - in her sole name, and with all the bills in her name and you'll pay her lodgings of no more than half (£450pcm) and then a half share of the groceris. That way she has to do all the admin relating to the rental and the services and when she gains an understanding of her exposure to the risks, the true expense of it all and you are clear that there will be no extra subsidies, perhaps she'll face a long hard lesson about financial responsibility.

If the bills and rental contract are in her sole name, you protect yourself from her financial recklessness and you also get a trial to see what it's like to live in close proximity to someone with a different attitude to money and lifestyle. See it as a 'try before you buy' to shake out any issues before you buy a place together.

I split the bills with my parents, therefore I am used to £500-£600 per month going out of my wage on essentials.

If we were to do this, we would do it properly, but now I think I will make her save as if we were renting or I am not going into it.

Then it has to happen, or we won't be moving anywhere.

Thundercat_2

BigTone wrote: »

Ha Ha ha, thankyou, made me smile.

Responsible bloke? I am 24, she is older than me! yes, TOYBOY!! Ha ha

I do love her though, after speaking to people this morning, I think that the way to go is to make her prove that she wants it, therefore I am not getting myself in a mess.

That way at least if it doesn't work, it was her doing and she had every chance to commit. I would not just drop her.

You seem like a really nice guy - just don't let yourself be used as a cashpoint.

Give her the opportunity to mend her ways, but if she doesn't then please have the guts to get rid. As a previous poster said - there are loads of fabulous women out there who would work WITH you to achieve a great life together. Marriage/long term commitment only work when you both want the same things and are willing to work together to achieve it.

puddy

when me and my partner go out, if its a joint trip, we use money from the joint account to pay petrol, that way we are both contributing. i would not expect him to pay the petrol out of his own money if we are BOTH going out, why should he?

if either of us are going out alone, we pay our own petrol, thats fair

why should she get everyting paid for her? this is a major problem in her inability to grasp reality

BigTone

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Oh come on, this is the woman he intends to marry one day. I don't think things need to get that petty.

Correct! I am not like that

BigTone

Errata wrote: »

She's 24 years old, she's bored with her current lifestyle, she wants to have some fun. Most 24 year olds want that.

Shes not 24, I'm 24, but yes she want to have some fun, so do I , but I do not want to jeopardise our future.

zcrat41

Hey,

I can sympathise with where you're coming from although I'm in the position of your girlfriend! (But a few years down the line, we each own our own small place and I want him to buy a fancy dancy forever home!)

I think that you should stick to your guns and sort out your debt first before even dreaming of anything else. 24 is not old to be living with your parents. I moved home at 28 to save money for a deposit. You will be sitting much prettier for the rest of your life by having a bit of equity behind you. Makes life 10 times easier.

I also think if your gf wants to move out she could do it herself. Like someone else said, if she can't afford it (or, can't be bothered to make the effort to afford it) then she's using you. Sorry, sounds a bit harsh but she could be looking at ways of upping her income.

I also think she needs a reality check. 10k deposit will get you peanuts these days. Depends on where you are in the country but that really won't go far, even if you double it. She should be savin her backside off with no outgoings at the moment!!

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

ZC