Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

Catatonia

Money/ savings aren't everything. At 24 I would much rather have rented and had less money than still lived at home with my parents. I reckon 5 year is a long time not to live together too, if it's something you want to actually do.

prosaver

she needs a wake up call..
you hold all the cards.
Dont be affriad to speak your mind.
be a man but think about yourself..
1st clear your debt...
2nd say you dont want to pay rent and lose money and you want to invest in property.
3rd tell her you both can have good time (both of you need to plan your money)
4th dont say to much about the whats going to happen (just say it might)
3 to 4 years it might scare her off.
5th blow your money for a month --on trash and it might wake her up to what she is doing
6th asker her is she in or out ?
7th your younge and relationship could last long or short but you both need to be a bit more open with each other
and if it dosent work --hell there more fish in the sea just watch out for the crabs

BigTone

justme111 wrote: »

wow. Well, those 4,5 grand she doesnt owe you anymore as you said "forget it". so I presume she owes you the money she borrowed later. I guess either she will get offended if you ask for that money back or you will get bitter as you will not dare to ask.

I would say go for it and try to live together as if you do not you will never know whether you manage together. I just don't see how "whats mine is ours" position can be applied if you two have completely different attitude to money.

I was being supportive, trying to let her be productive with the money she had, If I had taken it, yes I would have been better off but she wouldn't have been able to get sorted.

Wish I ad though, I would have done if I knew she was going to spend it like she did.

kazwookie

A list for you to give her to think about.

Current debt
Deposit for rental
Rent
Council tax
Electricity
Gas
Water
Land line
Mobile
TV Licence
Food
Washing powder / cleaning stuff
Clothing
Bus / train fares
Petrol
Contents insurance
Furniture
Carpet
Curtains
crockery / cutlery etc
(I know not all will apply, and others might need addding in but you get the idea)

Get her to put some monthly £ beside each of these, then add it up, that is how much she needs, get her to think.

Mojisola

sonastin wrote: »

Renting a place would cost her £300 + half of the bills every month. Suggest to her that she starts putting that much into a savings account each month (or paying that much of her credit cards) to get used to that sort of money she'll be living on once you move out, while you concentrate on getting rid of your debts. Once you are debt free and she has proved she can afford her share of the rent, you can look seriously at renting. You can probably still save up for a deposit if she pays her share of the rent, and you'll know the reality of living together before you make such a large commitment in buying a house together.

Best advice. So many relationships fall apart because the two people have very different attitudes to money. It doesn't sound as if your GF has ever had to live within her means and just doesn't understand the reality. After the experience you have had, could you really stay with your GF if she was running up debt all the time?

Tell her that when she has saved half the deposit and half the money you will need you get yourselves set up in a flat and consistently put away half the rent money, then you will start looking for a flat together. If she can't or won't do this, please take a serious look at whether she is the right life partner for you.

Pee

I think both of you have good points. You are being very sensible about it all and I can see why a city apartment wouldn't suit you, but can also see why, especially with her being able to walk to work it would suit her.

I think it can be harder for women to live at home longer, something about the dynamics of the mother-son and mother-daughter relationship. On the other hand, you have concerns about her lack of savings and what your budget will be.

The answer is to talk it over with her and come to a compromise that you both feel happy with. If you move out into rented accomodation, who pays what. Is it 50/50? I think living together in a rented place before you take the huge step of buying together is important. On the other hand I appreciate that once you start renting saving for a deposit become a lot harder and maybe even impossible - fortunately not with the incomes you both have.

If you can't agree this and find a way forward, now is the best time to find out rather than have joint liabilities with a person you may not be financially compatable with.

BigTone

quantic wrote: »

I had been having exactly the same conversations with my girlfriend over the past year. We both really wanted to move out and had discussed the options of renting and buying, I had around 10k saved but she was not in a position to save up very quickly. I did think about renting and we almost went for one property, however, I didn't like the idea of both of us being back to stage one when we are 30 in a few years time if we broke up.

In the end, I saved up the additional deposit and bought a place on my own, with the plan for her to save up a little and move in when she was comfortable. Meaning that if in a few years time we split ways she would have something to fall back on and if not we could use the money to improve the house further.

Not very romantic, but after moving back home for the last 3 years after renting I think it is better then risking being in a position to ever buy should be break up. It would be near impossible for me to save again now with my new financial commitments and circumstances.

EDIT: Another very frustrating thing is waiting for the other half to save up while you have your deposit saved, makes you watch every penny they waste, which can be annoying and I don't like taking on that role personally.

See, she has her deposit, albeit from her father, and I think that is the major problem, if she didn't have that to fall back on, she would have nothing, therefore would ave to pull her finger out and get saving!

BigTone

Loanranger wrote: »

From the info you have given, your girlfriend has no idea of how to budget and what it costs to be adult. She pays no board to her parents, she gambles money at bingo and then spends her winnings while having massive debt and she now wants you to finance her lifetstyle.
There are plenty of stories of people's miserable existencies on these boards, good people who have spent more than they earn and who are now paying a very high price for their previous spending. You should read them, they are heart rending.
In a relationship there is often someone who is a spender and the other person is the saver and there is a balance for as long as the saver has control. If the spender has control then misery will result.
Your instincts are right. Keep control. It's called tough love.

I am one of those people, trust me 30K worth of debt with nothing to show for it as of 3 years ago, now down to 5K, its tough but it serves me right for spending it in the first place.

Tough love, we have been there, when this happened about 6 months ago it ended with me saying;

" I have to do this, I have no option, if I end up leaving you behind, I will be devastated but it is what I have to do if I want to move out at any point in my life"

So while she carried on spending, going out etc, I stayed in, saved and spent money on fuel to get me to work and stuff, no holidays, clothes or anything. But its what I had to do.

BigTone

prosaver wrote: »

she needs a wake up call..
you hold all the cards.
Dont be affriad to speak your mind.
be a man but think about yourself..
1st clear your debt...
2nd say you dont want to pay rent and lose money and you want to invest in property.
3rd tell her you both can have good time (both of you need to plan your money)
4th dont say to much about the whats going to happen (just say it might)
3 to 4 years it might scare her off.
5th blow your money for a month --on trash and it might wake her up to what she is doing
6th asker her is she in or out ?
7th your younge and relationship could last long or short but you both need to be a bit more open with each other
and if it dosent work --hell there more fish in the sea just watch out for the crabs

I do think about myself, read other posts, however, I think that a relationship is a matter of compromise and trying to help each other, unfortunatley before I can help her, she has to help herself, I am trying to get that through to her.

quantic

I feel your pain, your situation sounds very similar to mine. My girlfriend doesn't have too much bad debt (except car finance, student loan) but she does spend pretty much every penny of her wage each month, even though she lives at home and contributes nothing. Shes getting better though. My girlfriend got herself a little money book and started writing down what she spends, over the past 3 months she has started to curb her spending and no longer uses her overdraft every month

Ah - parents giving her deposit, thats tricky. She will likely have no value for the money in that case. Also, if you end up paying for most of it, or end up rending/buying on your own. You need to be careful as I feel you will end up resenting her if your wage goes on putting a house over your heads and hers goes on "treating herself".