Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

Kyrae

I think that what you really need to do is sit down with your girlfriend, and say you're really looking forward to buying a place together but need her help to work out how much it's going to cost. Together, go through living expenses and write down how much everything is going to cost, bills, food, mortgage, decorating the house etc and hopefully it'll bring her down to earth a bit about how expensive it's all going to be and how she really needs to start saving her money up and planning to the future. It'll also give you both a chance to work out who is paying for what things, eg are you splitting it all 50/50 or are you paying more because you earn more etc. Then you will both know exactly where you stand and the expectations you both have on what the other person is going to provide.

Also, remember that yes you don't want to lose her and want her to be happy, but if you always let her have her own way and provide everything for her without her having to work for anything herself, she'll expect that youll carry on doing that for the rest of your lives together which might end up rather stressful for you. Nothing wrong with you being the main breadwinner and provider for the family if that's what makes you both happy, but she's got to learn to contribute where she can even if she is earning less than you, you'll both appreciate each other more if you feel like each of you is making an equal effort

Hope that helps, just bought first house with my partner this year and it's a lot of fun and excitement, so good luck to you both!!

pjcox2005

Note posted without seeing the girlfriends current spending. Arguably, this may be a reason to do a 6 month tenancy rather than buy, it may just shock her into the real world/actual cost of living so she changes her ways. If all goes wrong, 6 months up, you move back in and pay of any debt you accumulated. Would be worse if you brought, situation didn't change and you incur a level of debt which forces sale of your home.

Have you thought about drawing up a budget to see if this is possible, show likely costs and impact to spending ability?

sonastin

Renting a place would cost her £300 + half of the bills every month. Suggest to her that she starts putting that much into a savings account each month (or paying that much of her credit cards) to get used to that sort of money she'll be living on once you move out, while you concentrate on getting rid of your debts. Once you are debt free and she has proved she can afford her share of the rent, you can look seriously at renting. You can probably still save up for a deposit if she pays her share of the rent, and you'll know the reality of living together before you make such a large commitment in buying a house together.

BigTone

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

With £5k in debt and her having debts as well I doubt that any landlord would accept you as a tenant. This should be your argument for not going ahead with this crazy plan until you are BOTH solvent and have some savings.

Didn't realise that, how likely is it that we will be refused?

BigTone

sonastin wrote: »

Renting a place would cost her £300 + half of the bills every month. Suggest to her that she starts putting that much into a savings account each month (or paying that much of her credit cards) to get used to that sort of money she'll be living on once you move out, while you concentrate on getting rid of your debts. Once you are debt free and she has proved she can afford her share of the rent, you can look seriously at renting. You can probably still save up for a deposit if she pays her share of the rent, and you'll know the reality of living together before you make such a large commitment in buying a house together.

Supposidly been doing that for the last 2 years:(

justme111

BigTone wrote: »

Because I lent it to her, I give her money and have never asked for it back as whats mine is hers, but after she won 4.5K on the bingo she offered to repay me some of it, to which i said no, put it to good use, clear your credit cards, do your driving lessons with it, anything useful.

Anyway 6 months later it was all gone, no driving lessons and credit cards were maxed out again, this nearly broke us.

The last 24 months have been the worst for me, only just being able to run the car as I am clearing my debt and during this time she had to lend even more money off me as she had spent all hers, so I said that I would definately need this back as it would pay off a credit card, fine.

She still spends every paycheck and has no bills of her own, pays no board etc, so I wonder if things will change, or whether I will end up having to fork out for everything, I can only see things getting worse if we have an additional £600PCM to rent, never mind the bills that go with it.

I am used to paying board, splitting the food and bills with my parents so I am accustommed to £500-£600 being "spent" before I touch my pay, what scares me is I dont think she is.

wow. Well, those 4,5 grand she doesnt owe you anymore as you said "forget it". so I presume she owes you the money she borrowed later. I guess either she will get offended if you ask for that money back or you will get bitter as you will not dare to ask.

I would say go for it and try to live together as if you do not you will never know whether you manage together. I just don't see how "whats mine is ours" position can be applied if you two have completely different attitude to money.

BigTone

pjcox2005 wrote: »

Note posted without seeing the girlfriends current spending. Arguably, this may be a reason to do a 6 month tenancy rather than buy, it may just shock her into the real world/actual cost of living so she changes her ways. If all goes wrong, 6 months up, you move back in and pay of any debt you accumulated. Would be worse if you brought, situation didn't change and you incur a level of debt which forces sale of your home.

Have you thought about drawing up a budget to see if this is possible, show likely costs and impact to spending ability?

True indeed.

We haven't got that far, I have een telling her to budget for some time, with the arguement of;

"if you cant get through the month now with no bills, how on earth are you going to afford £500 per moth on rent, bills, food etc"

Then she asks if when we move out, will we have Sky!!!!

I think she has fairies in her head sometimes!

sonastin

BigTone wrote: »

Supposidly been doing that for the last 2 years:(

Until she actually starts doing it, you can't afford to get involved with her financially - unless you are happy to pay for everything she does for the rest of her life.

quantic

I had been having exactly the same conversations with my girlfriend over the past year. We both really wanted to move out and had discussed the options of renting and buying, I had around 10k saved but she was not in a position to save up very quickly. I did think about renting and we almost went for one property, however, I didn't like the idea of both of us being back to stage one when we are 30 in a few years time if we broke up.

In the end, I saved up the additional deposit and bought a place on my own, with the plan for her to save up a little and move in when she was comfortable. Meaning that if in a few years time we split ways she would have something to fall back on and if not we could use the money to improve the house further.

Not very romantic, but after moving back home for the last 3 years after renting I think it is better then risking being in a position to ever buy should be break up. It would be near impossible for me to save again now with my new financial commitments and circumstances.

EDIT: Another very frustrating thing is waiting for the other half to save up while you have your deposit saved, makes you watch every penny they waste, which can be annoying and I don't like taking on that role personally.

Loanranger

From the info you have given, your girlfriend has no idea of how to budget and what it costs to be adult. She pays no board to her parents, she gambles money at bingo and then spends her winnings while having massive debt and she now wants you to finance her lifetstyle.
There are plenty of stories of people's miserable existencies on these boards, good people who have spent more than they earn and who are now paying a very high price for their previous spending. You should read them, they are heart rending.
In a relationship there is often someone who is a spender and the other person is the saver and there is a balance for as long as the saver has control. If the spender has control then misery will result.
Your instincts are right. Keep control. It's called tough love.