Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

mlz1413

Bigtone you have your head screwed on the right way and so please don't let you gf pressure you into something you do not want to do at this moment.

Biggest problem seems to be gf wanting a fashionable place in the city now and you wanting a home in the future.

Second problem you have debts and she has no idea what bills are or what a budget is.

I would tackle this by telling her to go and find out how much the cost of renting a flat is; most agents charge hefty fees to prospective tentants before you have to hand over a deposit and first months rent.
DO NOT do this for her, she must do the leg work.

If she does this agree that you will rent with her for 6 months IF she gets the inital costs together. (this should give you until you have cleared your £5k of debts)
When she asks about after the 6 months say that only if she pays half of all the bills will you consider continuing renting together. As you are used to paying far more than £300 + bills per month you will probably be saving if you do end up renting. But if you have to bail her out at any point you need to go back to how you currently are and insist she learns you will not bail her out forever.

BigTone

mlz1413 wrote: »

Biggest problem seems to be gf wanting a fashionable place in the city now and you wanting a home in the future.

Very true, I see us in our own place, that ideally we own, slowly buying, doing work to the house maybe to sell on or build into a family home for the future. I thought that was every girls dream - commitment????

:rotfl:

Mojisola

I'm usually all in favour of couples splitting living costs according to their earnings but BigTone works much longer hours than his GF. In this case, if she can't get a second job to lift her wages, I hope she's going to do the bulk of the housework. I would hate to see BigTone trying to get through a long list of chores on his one day off a fortnight!

BigTone

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm usually all in favour of couples splitting living costs according to their earnings but BigTone works much longer hours than his GF. In this case, if she can't get a second job to lift her wages, I hope she's going to do the bulk of the housework. I would hate to see BigTone trying to get through a long list of chores on his one day off a fortnight!

Don't go there, she can't cook, I try teaching her things, some she picks up, some she doesn't.

She is improving however.

quantic

Try not to think of it as "all being about the money", its not about that so don't feel guilty either. Its about her showing how much she values your future and making the necessary sacrifices to achieve it. I try to think of money as time instead, its only money if you where given it. If you earned it it means it represents you spending considerable time doing something in order to earn something you want. This time needs to be spent by both parties.

My only worry about her renting on her own, to "learn the cost of bills" would be that she might end up wasting her 10k deposit to subsidise her rental/bills.

BitterAndTwisted

It's not a given that this gifted deposit from Mum and Dad would be in the offing to secure a rented property.

She's already wasted £4.5k bingo winnings, racked up more debt and then borrowed from the OP. These are not the actions of a grown adult determined to build a future together with someone else. They are the actions of a spoiled and irresponsible child.

Emmzi

BigTone wrote: »

Very true, I see us in our own place, that ideally we own, slowly buying, doing work to the house maybe to sell on or build into a family home for the future. I thought that was every girls dream - commitment????

:rotfl:

every girl's dream is choice.

BigTone

Emmzi wrote: »

every girl's dream is choice.

She has the choice, its what happens due to the choices that she makes that will affect her life, bt she is free to choose.

BigTone

quantic wrote: »

Try not to think of it as "all being about the money", its not about that so don't feel guilty either. Its about her showing how much she values your future and making the necessary sacrifices to achieve it. I try to think of money as time instead, its only money if you where given it. If you earned it it means it represents you spending considerable time doing something in order to earn something you want. This time needs to be spent by both parties.

My only worry about her renting on her own, to "learn the cost of bills" would be that she might end up wasting her 10k deposit to subsidise her rental/bills.

I know that it is not all about the money, if I thought that I am pretty sure we wouldn't be where we are now.

treetrunks

id consider renting first anyway, gives you a less committed chance to let together and enjoy all the things young couples should without the pressure of mortgages etc. Dont get to worried by your gf's inability to handle money, its called being young and learning from your mistakes. quite a lot of people went through the same thing else this board wouldnt exist.

Rent a nice property in a good part of town, enjoy nights out with friends and make sure you dont regret burdening yourself with a heavy mortgage at a young age. You've got years ahead of you to be middle aged.