Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

Thumper7

I would just like to say that actually paying board to your parents and financing a flat are a completely different mindset.

When I lived at home I spent my monthly salary on clothes, going out. I paid a nominal sum of board and everyone would say to my mum that she wasn't helping me in the longterm taking such a small amount of board.

However, once I finally moved out, and into my own place (with my then boyfriend), I completely changed. I learned how to budget and manage my money.

Just because your girlfriend spends all her money at the moment, doesn't necessarily mean that she will do that once she has her own place. Sometimes you just have to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust her to be sensible.

BigTone

puddy wrote: »

no, i would get the list written out as per above for the proposed flat

her list is half of everything, so half the rent, ctax, bills, food, laundry etc
then her personal debt payments (shes probably just making minimum payments)
then saving for the future, (has she a pension?)

she will find on an income of 20k that she has little disposible income left

she needs to save this every month for a year before you can consider that she can stick at it

there will be months where she will say 'oh, i couldnt put it away this month because x came up, its a one off'

then she needs to understand that when you have bills and responsibilties, there are no missed payments unless you want to get chucked out or cut off or whatever

Nope, no pension, been saying that to her since day 1.

You are all right though, I have to make her prove that she can do it before "jumping in", otherwise it will be me who ends up strung up.

Whatever happened to working together?

Old_No.7

puddy wrote: »

i would just put to her that she can do what she wants, she can move from her father's into rented if she wants but you wont be going with her and she will have to fund this herself

This sounds like a good plan to me: she can find somewhere on her own, or share with a friend, enjoy the freedom and learn to handle the bills that come in every month, and you can join her in the flat when you've paid off your debt. As your lifestyles seem very different at the moment (she's going out while you stay in, you work long hours etc), a flatshare might be more fun/better company for now anyway for her? It can be quite lonely when you first move out, and your partner is working a lot.

In general, I would say it's best to rent first with a partner: no matter how long you've been together, until you've shared bills etc together, you don't really know if you are the right match, and if you've bought a place together, it'll be expensive (and much more longer process) if god forbid you were to split up.

BigTone

Thundercat wrote: »

You seem like a really nice guy - just don't let yourself be used as a cashpoint.

Give her the opportunity to mend her ways, but if she doesn't then please have the guts to get rid. As a previous poster said - there are loads of fabulous women out there who would work WITH you to achieve a great life together. Marriage/long term commitment only work when you both want the same things and are willing to work together to achieve it.

Thankyou, very true, we both need the same mindset.

Only time will tell.

BigTone

Thumper7 wrote: »

I would just like to say that actually paying board to your parents and financing a flat are a completely different mindset.

When I lived at home I spent my monthly salary on clothes, going out. I paid a nominal sum of board and everyone would say to my mum that she wasn't helping me in the longterm taking such a small amount of board.

However, once I finally moved out, and into my own place (with my then boyfriend), I completely changed. I learned how to budget and manage my money.

Just because your girlfriend spends all her money at the moment, doesn't necessarily mean that she will do that once she has her own place. Sometimes you just have to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust her to be sensible.

Me and my mother split everything, that is another thing, as she rents she will have to move back in with her mother when I leave home, how harsh is that!!!

I know that because it is just me and my mother that will have to happen when I leave, my mum knows that too.

She ended up in "rental trap" and never will get out of it.

I am in no great rush to move out, things are not bad at home, sure, I would love to move in with my partner but I do also have alot of other considerations and will not be making that move until I am sure that it is the right thing to do.

sonastin

When it actually comes time to move in together, you should split what goes into the relationship 50/50 but that doesn't have to be just financial. If you're working more hours but earning more money, she could put more hours into the home but a lower financial contribution. e.g. you pay for the groceries but she cooks the meals. I know that sounds terribly old fashioned given that you are in the traditional roles but that's sorta how my b/f and I are planning things - except that I'll be the one earning the money and he'll be the one playing house. (mostly because my earning potential is higher and his standards of cooking and cleaning are infinitely higher!)

She has to pull her weight one way or another though, or it just won't work.

BigTone

zcrat41 wrote: »

Hey,

I can sympathise with where you're coming from although I'm in the position of your girlfriend! (But a few years down the line, we each own our own small place and I want him to buy a fancy dancy forever home!)

I think that you should stick to your guns and sort out your debt first before even dreaming of anything else. 24 is not old to be living with your parents. I moved home at 28 to save money for a deposit. You will be sitting much prettier for the rest of your life by having a bit of equity behind you. Makes life 10 times easier.

I also think if your gf wants to move out she could do it herself. Like someone else said, if she can't afford it (or, can't be bothered to make the effort to afford it) then she's using you. Sorry, sounds a bit harsh but she could be looking at ways of upping her income.

I also think she needs a reality check. 10k deposit will get you peanuts these days. Depends on where you are in the country but that really won't go far, even if you double it. She should be savin her backside off with no outgoings at the moment!!

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

ZC

She has 10K, in mid 2012 i will have 15K, then we would be looking at a place with 25K and no debt.

Alot stronger position than now.

Mr_Thrifty

Sounds like the lady gonna bankrupt you. Does she spend all her money on clothes and shoes? She too high maintenance and gonna bankrupt you!

BigTone

sonastin wrote: »

When it actually comes time to move in together, you should split what goes into the relationship 50/50 but that doesn't have to be just financial. If you're working more hours but earning more money, she could put more hours into the home but a lower financial contribution. e.g. you pay for the groceries but she cooks the meals. I know that sounds terribly old fashioned given that you are in the traditional roles but that's sorta how my b/f and I are planning things - except that I'll be the one earning the money and he'll be the one playing house. (mostly because my earning potential is higher and his standards of cooking and cleaning are infinitely higher!)

She has to pull her weight one way or another though, or it just won't work.

We both understand and agree on that.

BigTone

Mr_Thrifty wrote: »

Sounds like the lady gonna bankrupt you. Does she spend all her money on clothes and shoes? She too high maintenance and gonna bankrupt you!

Not the first to say tat, but thankyou anyway?