Rent = Happy Girlfriend or Buy = Moody Girlfriend

vintage_beanpole

You definitely need to clear your debts first. Why would you take on extra financial responsibilities when you've yet to discharge your past ones. I'm sure that there are many people on these boards who would like to be in your position of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and looking forward to an easier time. And besides, it's actually quite nice to spend time with your Mum I expect (it sounds as though you get on) and isn't something that you'll have a chance to do in the future necessarily.

I'm also very keen to buy my own place as soon as possible (I'm 24 as well). My boyfriend earns 70k and I earn 25k, so there's a rather hefty difference! I owe him about £800, which I feel really, really awful about, and I'm paying him back as quickly as I can, so I really can't understand your girlfriend's attitude - doesn't she care how her actions affect you? Doesn't she feel guilty or ashamed at all? Do you ever talk about the amount that you've given her? Her attitude does not exactly instil confidence.

Thing is, what concerns me is that a friend of mine ended up buying a place with a girlfriend, they were paying the mortgage jointly, but they broke up after two years of buying the place and 7 years of going out. She moved out but wanted to sell the flat. He couldn't afford to buy her out. They had to sell the place when it was in negative equity, so he ended up losing a lot of money (especially when you consider buying/selling costs and fees).

Another thing to bear in mind is that if you find a place and you pay 25k, "she" pays 10k, and you're both on the mortgage, it doesn't necessarily matter who's paid the instalments (and my dear, it really does look as though there will be plenty of "Oh darling, I can't quite pay it this month, sob sob" episodes, I'm sorry to say - and in those circumstances what exactly can you do? You can't not pay...) if you break up and divvy up, she's getting half. And you're back several years on your dream.

If I were you, I'd pay off my debts and save up a deposit. She should rent with friends - it'll be fun and will teach her how to look after herself and how lucky she is to have you.

She may be the right person in the end, but she sure as heck at this moment isn't the right person to be rushing into jointly signed legal documentation with!

prosaver

BigTone wrote: »

Don't go there, she can't cook, I try teaching her things, some she picks up, some she doesn't.

She is improving however.

cant cook........ wont cook?.....
Im sure you'll do the right thing mate...:beer:
let us all know what happens

Mojisola

treetrunks wrote: »

id consider renting first anyway, gives you a less committed chance to let together and enjoy all the things young couples should without the pressure of mortgages etc. Dont get to worried by your gf's inability to handle money, its called being young and learning from your mistakes. quite a lot of people went through the same thing else this board wouldnt exist.

That describes BigTone - he's learned his mistakes and is saving like mad to put things right. His GF, who is older than him, seems to be learning that she can spend as she likes because there's always someone - Dad or BF - who will lend her more money or come up with lump sums when needed.

puddy

Mojisola wrote: »

That describes BigTone - he's learned his mistakes and is saving like mad to put things right. His GF, who is older than him, seems to be learning that she can spend as she likes because there's always someone - Dad or BF - who will lend her more money or come up with lump sums when needed.

this is what i cant understand, when does childhood end these days? we've gone from one extreme to the other when in the victorian ages childhood ended at 10 or something when kids were put down the mines and now we're talking about people in their mid twenties as still being able to be irresponsible because they can grow up later????????

Loanranger

Unfortunately, BT's girlfriend sounds like she's been brought up to believe she's a little princess/Paris Hilton/WAG, delete as appropriate.
She's certainly trying to emulate their lifestyles: spending someone else's money, cannot cook. Both sexes should be able to cook, no excuses.

Disputes over money very often can lead to break up of relationships and marriages and this is so sad and so unnecessary. If only people got to know each other well before committing to property, living together and having children!
Hormones rule when we're young and can blind us to the other person's values and beliefs.

Errata

Loanranger wrote: »

Unfortunately, BT's girlfriend sounds like she's been brought up to believe she's a little princess/Paris Hilton/WAG, delete as appropriate.
She's certainly trying to emulate their lifestyles: spending someone else's money, cannot cook. Both sexes should be able to cook, no excuses.

Disputes over money very often can lead to break up of relationships and marriages and this is so sad and so unnecessary. If only people got to know each other well before committing to property, living together and having children!
Hormones rule when we're young and can blind us to the other person's values and beliefs.

The OP should be used to it by now - they've been together for years.

BigTone

Errata wrote: »

The OP should be used to it by now - they've been together for years.

Its not a question of getting used to it, when we met we were both the same, so eople do change, they have to.

I know that in order to move forward with our life, we will need to wise-up and concentrate on doing so.

I am trying to help her do the same, to move forward in her life, otherwise she will just go round and round in circles and never get anywhere and that is something that I do not want.

BigTone

vintage_beanpole wrote: »

My boyfriend earns 70k and I earn 25k, so there's a rather hefty difference! I owe him about £800, which I feel really, really awful about, and I'm paying him back as quickly as I can, so I really can't understand your girlfriend's attitude - doesn't she care how her actions affect you? Doesn't she feel guilty or ashamed at all? Do you ever talk about the amount that you've given her? Her attitude does not exactly instil confidence.

You have me thinking, I am not going to nag her for moey back, why should I have to? I have let the past go and have had to deal with that, but you are right, she should be paying me back this money, as she has more "free" money than me anyway. We agreed £50 per month 3 months ago....I will have to have words.

BigTone

Well I sat down with her last nigt and went through the costs reasearched yesterday, I hae said to her that we both will save up £500 per month for at least 6 months, then;

1. We will know what it is like to have to pay this amount out before spending anything.

2. IF she manages it, then that money can be used to clear her credit cards, which will put her in a better position.

Then we MAY start looking into things, by no means are we definately renting in 6 months time.

This also gives me chance to clear my debts and put myself into a better position.

She didn't like it, because she hasn't got her own way, hopefully she will think about it today/talk it through with family and put some effort in. If not, we wont be going anywhere!

Thankyou all for your advice on this matter, it has been most helpful.

sonastin

Good luck BigTone - I hope she gets the message and its leads to a long and happy life together.