Seperating over a dog ?

sueeve

This is a dog which is new to the family, so the long standing bond of a much loved pet is not really here. Given that, and the fact that the pup can readily be returned, and as, for whatever reason, the OP is not coping, it would seem to be reasonable of the husband to have a rethink.

RacyRed

Any wrote: »

I agree with you to a point, but I seriously doubt the reasoning behind what she says about her husband and his ultimatum..

She didn't want the first dog either, the toddler is 3 yr old not a baby and she doesn't even have to do anything for the dog.

I get the feeling that he is trying to get her to overcome this feeling of "can't do itness" this time round too and this is his way.

I am sure if she actually really can't cope with it he won't give her up for the dog. However I don't think he believes her she can't cope just yet especially given the history.

Very well said. This is how I see it too.

hitchins

My huge boxer dog sometimes gets on my nerves with his constant grottiness, but no way would I give him up (have a 3 year old too). Me and OH mulled it over for over a year before getting him.

The OP seemed to be quite excited, judging by her other threads, at the prospect of getting a new dog. OH walks them, they are crate trained etc. Don't see the problem...oh and before anyone starts, I have suffered with depression for many years, if I was to let it overcome me every time it tried, I'd be under the quilt right now.

I doubt OP's OH's "threat" was genuine, he's probably just exasperated, it's not a handbag that you can chop and change your mind about, it's a commitment.

*Chattie*

RacyRed wrote: »

Very well said. This is how I see it too.

what do you propose the op does then? or does the oh care more for his dogs than his child?

Mojisola

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

Don't get me wrong I would much rather the pup went somewhere where it had a chance of having the life it deserves, my own dog is a rescue dog, I personally would never buy from a breeder when there's countless animals need homes in rescue centres. But if you actively chose to own a dog, pay for it and then decide it's too much to cope with, that to me is not a good choice to have made in the first place.

Well, we're in agreement that it wasn't a good choice to make but it sounds to me, in this situation, as if the best result for the puppy would be to go back to the breeder and be rehomed.

As the posts are starting to polarise, it could be useful for the OP to put the two points of view to someone who knows her and her OH and who will be as objective as possible. Does their relationship consist of her giving in to her OH because he puts pressure on her until she does or is he struggling to cope with a depressed partner and is desperately trying to help her? Only someone who knows the two people and how they interact will be able to see which it is.

RacyRed

*Chattie* wrote: »

what do you propose the op does then? or does the oh care more for his dogs than his child?

I'd suggest the OP gets herself back to the Drs, spells out clearly the cost of her long term illness to her family and insists that something is done, and fast.

We know of 2 instances (the dogs) where the OP has enthusiastically agreed to something, then changed her mind when faced with the reality - do you really think this behaviour is restricted to the dogs? How many other things has this happened with? It is a classic symptom of depression and although understandable, it cannot be easy for her OH, who must be wondering if he is ever going to get the woman he married back.

This has been going on for at least a couple of years. What if her OH is just reaching the end of his patience and understanding? Isn't he entitled to some quality of life too?

Let us remember we are only hearing one side of the story here.

kegg_2

Regardless of her depression, agreeing to have the dog her oh wish to keep the dog andt he bottom line is she doesn't want the dog so it should go as it is unfair not only on her to be forced to keep an animal she doesn't now want but it is unfair on the dog.

It wouldn't be fair to keep it locked in a crate all day or even out in the garden. If the oh is working how can he give the time needed to the dogs as they need a lot more than a walk after work. Plus 2 large dogs locked in the garden all day are going to go mad with boredom. They will bark at every noise they hear and wreck everything in sight.Dogs are socialble pack animals and without stimulation they will become the dogs from hell. Barking dogs will cause a problem for any one unlucky enough to live next door and she could find herself reported to the rspca and the local council.

Say they keep the dog and the poor mutt is locked out all day or even worse crated all day. Oh comes home from work at maybe around 6 'ish. He has a young child who hasn't seen him all day and so will want some attention before bed. He has to eat and no doubt will be tired after work and child have had their share of his time. Say it is now gone 7. He has played whith his child and had something to eat, he now needs to take the dogs out.They are big dogs who at best have been stuck in the garden all day. They will be going crazy that they are now getting some attention. Two very large dogs are going to need at least an hours walk plus some general play time so it will be 9 oclock before husband even gets s sniff at sitting down and relaxing. He will then need to go to bed early as he has to get up early to give them another walk before leaving for work. How long do you think he can keep that up for before something has got to give?

Mojisola

Bella79 wrote: »

4 weeks ago dh decided he would like another dog of the same breed (large) although i was initially recluctant didnt think i would be able to cope daily etc i eventually agreeed cos i could see how much dh wanted this.

RacyRed wrote: »

I'd suggest the OP gets herself back to the Drs, spells out clearly the cost of her long term illness to her family and insists that something is done, and fast.

We know of 2 instances (the dogs) where the OP has enthusiastically agreed to something, then changed her mind when faced with the reality - do you really think this behaviour is restricted to the dogs? How many other things has this happened with? It is a classic symptom of depression and although understandable, it cannot be easy for her OH, who must be wondering if he is ever going to get the woman he married back.

This has been going on for at least a couple of years. What if her OH is just reaching the end of his patience and understanding? Isn't he entitled to some quality of life too?

The OP's posting doesn't sound very enthusiastic to me but you are right that the situation can't go on as it is. As the relationship is on the verge of breaking up, things are very serious. A visit to the GP would be a good move plus a chat with an unbiased friend or family member. As you say, we are only getting one side of the story and, when you're depressed, it's not easy to be objective.

Any

Mojisola wrote: »

The OP's posting doesn't sound very enthusiastic to me but you are right that the situation can't go on as it is. As the relationship is on the verge of breaking up, things are very serious. A visit to the GP would be a good move plus a chat with an unbiased friend or family member. As you say, we are only getting one side of the story and, when you're depressed, it's not easy to be objective.

Then read the thread which there was several links to...
I agree.

miamoo

I havent read the whole thread, I just wanted to add my opinion.
I think you were abit silly agreeing to the pup in the first place (I dont want to upset you, thats just my opinion)
Dogs should be for life.

I think from what you said on your OP, that your OH thinks you will change your mind.As you did last time. You wanted to get rid of the last pup, but then got used to it.

You need to have a talk with him.

ooops sorry, seems the thread has moved on alot since the first page.